Jehan Soraya

Personal Training and I | By a Noob, for Noobs

2011-06-26T23:28:00.000+08:00

First of, don't worry people. I'm not turning this into a fitness blog. It's just a major part of what I've been up to lately. Thank you for your time :)

Moving on.

When I first joined the gym, my mother asked me if it was really necessary to hire a Personal Trainer (PT). She asked if it wasn't enough for me to have a membership at the club, where I could use the equipments as I wish. Why a PT? My answer to her question was yes, it was absolutely necessary for me to hire a PT.

Here's the thing: I was a newbie/noob, not only at gymming, but exercising entirely. I could honestly tell you if it wasn't for the fact that I had a PT with me since day 1, I'd be lost, with no directions. Of course, any idiot knows how to operate a treadmill or a stationary bike, but as a noob, would you have known that running on the treadmill or cycling alone is not enough to encourage weight loss. Would you have known that though cardio exercises are beneficial, you need to mix your routine with other forms of exercises such as strength, endurance and flexibility trainings as well, in order to work your whole body. Would you have known what kind of exercises would work to tone and firm specific parts of your body? Would you have known which pressure points to focus on when performing certain exercises?

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't. So yes, it was absolutely necessary for me to hire a PT.

A few reasons why I think that having a PT works so well for me:-

1. I joined the gym alone, with no friends tagging along. Naturally, I would feel insecure in a new place and environment, especially one I'm not familiar with at all. Having my PT wait for me at the entrance of the club on the first day, greeting me by my name, with a friendly smile, gave me that extra confidence to step into this new world.

2. Though more often than not, there will be someone at the club more than happy to assist me in operating the equipments, my PT gave me more detailed explanations on each equipment and demonstrated the correct way for using them. He also explained in detail which parts of the body each equipment trains. And if I don't understand or forget, I don't feel so bad for asking him to show me again (when in fact, I just wanted to see him flex his muscles :p)

3. Some of my biggest challenges were discipline and lack of self-control when exercising. I always WANT to go jogging everyday, or WANT to eat healthier but I never do. Or I'll start but for some reason, never follow through to the end. Having a PT helped me focused on the goals that I have set for myself earlier. Since I committed myself to the PT sessions (I squeezed my pockets, left right front and back dry for them), I had no choice but to attend the sessions, one hour per session, every other day. At least in the beginning, that was my reason. But after about 10 sessions, it became a part of my daily routine. I wanted to spend every free time at the gym. If I had a day off, I would immediately schedule a session with Kang. I wanted to take advantage of every single opportunity I had to exercise and benefit from the training.

4. It helps, especially when you're just getting started, to have someone to motivate you, pushing you further beyond what you thought was your limit. I know myself and I'm not much of the self-motivating type. I knew earlier on that if I were to do this on my own, I would've given up at 5/20 push-ups because I was tired. But because I had Kang, who kept on pushing me and insisting "C'mon girl, 15 more to go. You can do this. Focus!", I now know that I am actually capable of 20 push-ups. It could also be really depressing sometimes when you know how much hard work and effort you put into working out but for some reason, you're not achieving the results you want. So, it's good to have someone reassuring you that it is not a problem. That you'll just need to work a little harder and push yourself that much further to get to where you want to go.

Of course, once you've signed up for PT sessions, there are other sacrifices which you should be willing to make. For instance, I believe that your willingness to actually set aside time, every week for your PT sessions is crucial in achieving your fitness goals. Once you have committed yourself to the sessions, you should not be making any excuses at all for not attending them. A lot of people would say, "My work is too demanding, I don't have time to go," or "I'm feeling a bit tired today. I think I'll just go tomorrow." STOP MAKING EXCUSES. Make time. Why wait or tomorrow? Why not make the best of today?

Another important thing - in MY opinion - when deciding on joining a gym or hiring a PT is that you should do it at you own will. Not because all your friends are club members and have PTs, not because your boyfriend/fiance/husband made you. You should join because YOU want to. For yourself, not for others.

I met a lady at the gym the other night. She asked me about my PT sessions and achievements to date and I told her (because regardless of how small they may be to some, I achieved something and am proud of it). I told her that I went for training every other day on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays without fail unless Kang or I have other commitments which we really can't get ourselves out of. I told her about the change in my diet. I told her how I was thirsty for more: to learn more, know more and do more. She was impressed. then she told me something disappointing. She said, "I joined just for fun. I just wanted to try out and see how things go." No, that wasn't the disappointing part. She told me, "How could you be so determined?" I said, "How could I NOT be determined?" She went on telling me that she had signed up for FIVE PT sessions. This is the disappointing part: She went on to say, "Even then, sometimes I might feel lazy and end up not coming." I looked at her with a blank stare for 2 seconds and then launched into a long speech about the above i.e. joining at your own will and being determined. I think she'll be making u-turns the next time she sees me around the club.

But people, do you see my point here. This is what happens when you do something against your will or for the benefit of others. You'll end up making excuses to get out of it because you didn't want it in the first place. Now every exercise will be difficult and impossible for you and in the end, you achieve nothing. All I'm saying is, the right mindset and attitude is really important when starting-up and you'd be surprised at how far they could get you.

Like surgeons, each PT is specialized in different areas of fitness. Though I believe that all of them are trained with the basics, their expertise vary from mass weight loss, mass weight gain, strength and endurance training, body building etc. So make sure you choose a PT who would be able to provide proper guidance throughout your journey in achieving your fitness goals.

Also, it is very important that you choose a PT you are comfortable with. Believe me, you'll thank me for this. Achieving your fitness goals won't happen overnight. You will be spending months (I know people who have spent years with their PTs) working with him/her so it is important that you're able to communicate with him/her without feeling embarrassed or self conscious. Building a healthy relationship between you and your PT will benefit you not only for your training, but in the long-run as well. So make sure that you're comfortable being yourself around your PT. Before you decide on a PT, make a selection of the few you think you might be able to work with. Then, spend some time talking to them to see whether the both of you are able to jive. Don't be afraid to ask questions because it's your right as the client.

So those are my thoughts on the gym and Personal Training. Perhaps they could somehow assist, at least a little, in you getting started. Just remember that they are not life and death decisions to be made. Take your time to consider the options against your capabilities. You wouldn't want to regret any decisions made in a haste. After all, we're not talking about RM10 here.

I'd be happy to introduce some brilliant PTs if any of you are interested *wink*.

I am myself, only better.

2011-06-26T14:14:00.005+08:00

After my recent breakup, I decided that I needed to find something productive (other than work) to do to fill my time. Being in a relationship had taken up so much of my time (what with calls and text messaging the whole day, everyday and meeting up on weekends) that when it ended, I was left with this void, not only in my heart but also in my daily routine, to fill.

So, I made the wise decision to take up membership at a gym in town and I dare tell you that it was one of the best decisions I've ever made throughout my 25 years of living.

Okay, first thing's first before I move on, you should know that I was not the fittest person in the crowd. I never played much sports in school because i never was really good at anything. I mean, yeah i could throw a ball through a hoop, but I wasn't excellent at it. I was never good at running or jumping or anything else that involved putting your limbs and muscles to work. To this day, I don't even know how to jump ropes. You give me a skipping rope and I wouldn't know what to do with it, no kidding. Having said that, you would know that joining a gym was one of the biggest steps I took in an effort to make myself better.

You should also know that I never used to think of myself as being fat/overweight/unhealthy. I realized that I was slightly on the heavy side and was much bigger than most of my friends. But I used to think that my size was pretty normal and justified it by claiming that I was big build (Uh huh).

Sometime in late February this year, I met an employee of the club on Twitter. He was a Personal Trainer (PT) and said that he could hook me up with a great deal if I joined that month. So I thought, "What's the harm in just checking it out. I had nothing to lose." I've been planning to join a gym ever since I started working anyways but have always found excuses not to. I was either too busy or too lazy or too broke or had no time. I couldn't commit (wouldn't commit is more like it). So when I heard that the club had a promotion on the joining fees, I said, "Why not?" I scheduled for an appointment, met up with one of the club's Membership Consultant, took a tour of the club and within 2 hours, I was a member, walking out of the club with my membership/access card, complimentary backpack, face towel, water bottle and earphones. There was a few seconds after that when I regretted doing what I had just done. But I ignored the feeling, slept on it and the next morning, woke up with a new excitement and determination.

My purchase of the package came with three (3) sessions with a PT. I've never seriously worked out before. My "workout" regime included the occasional 25 minutes brisk walk in the park with my parents, so the free PT sessions were a good way to get started. I was assigned to a PT named Kang (whom I now fondly refer to as "My Miracle Worker"). I was a bit skeptical at first, feeling inconfident and slightly embarrassed about my fitness level. But Kang was a joyful and approachable person and I slowly eased into comfort after a couple of minutes meeting him.

I was good to go.

The first session was spent getting to know me and my body better. Thank god we did that as by then, I had no idea just how unfit and unhealthy I was. I was given a questionnaire to complete. The questions asked ranged from my exercise routine i.e. what type of exercises do I normally perform, how often do I exercise, when was the last time I exercised; my goals i.e. target weight to lose, by when; and other questions like how much time I was willing to put into achieving my fitness goals and whether I had support from my family and those close to me (which I think are very relevant questions, on which I will elaborate why in a separate post). Thinking back to that day, I remember being slightly shy answering the questions because as I was answering them (especially those on my exercise routine), it dawned upon me: I was one hell of a bum. And that was embarrassing. I even contemplated lying on the questionnaire so as to not appear such a slob, but decided against it cause I figured there was a reason they were asking those questions and if I really wanted to achieve something out of this, I should at least be truthful.

After going over my answers and evaluating the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Action Plan, Realistic, Time Bound) value of my goals, Kang weighed me. You'd think that they used those traditional weighing machines, you know like the ones you and I have at home? But of course not. They are a fitness club. Of course they had a high-tech weighing machine where you key in all these variables i.e. body type, gender, age, height, clothed/unclothed, etc and the machine generates these data on your body composition. My stats on my first weigh-in were as follows:-

BMI: 26.4 (No, you don't have to tell me I was bordering overweight. I knew).

Weight: 69.2 kg (I swear the weighing machine at home said 62kg!).

Fat %: 38.9% (That is a whole lot of fat in one's body).

The ideal weight and fat % for a woman of my age and body type was 52.9kg and 20% respectively. I had a whopping 16.3kg to lose. So you know how humbled I was from that experience. That single weigh-in was a slap right in my face and put everything into perspective: I was unhealthy.

Let me tell you that the results of that weigh-in devastated me. But Kang reassured me that I should not worry and we would work together to reach my fitness goals. By then, I had picked my spirits up and was determined to turn my life around. So, with my game face on, I jumped head first into another shocking discovery: I had a fitness level of 8/24. This was determined by me performing different exercises while Kang scored me based on reps/time performed. The exercises tested my cardio - treadmill (I had to travel as far as I could in 10 minutes), strength - maximum push-ups in 1 minute, core - hold plank position for 2 minutes, balance - hold star position for 2 minutes, and flexibility - sit and reach as far as I could. The scores for each exercise ranged from 1 - 4, 4 being best. No points in guessing that I scored 1s for most of the exercises. My highest score was a 2. How impressive.

Then, armed with the knowledge that I was unsurprisingly unhealthy, and my determination to revamp myself, I signed up for 20 PT sessions under Kang's training. The rest, as they say (whoever they are) is history. Now, after 3 months of PT (I added-on 20 more sessions upon completion of the first 20) and watching what I eat carefully (I cut down on rice entirely, decreased my sugar intake and no fried anything), here's how I measure up:-

BMI: 23.4 (a 3.0 decrease from when I started)

Weight: 61.4kg (I managed to shed off 7.8kg of my weight)

Fat %: 30.3% (I now have 8.6% less fat in my body than before)

Though I have not yet reached my ideal weight, I'm not fretting because I now know what I'm capable of and I know that I will keep on working hard towards reaching my goals. Most importantly, exercising has become a habit and part of my daily routine. If I missed even one day of my scheduled gym session, I'll feel uneasy and like my day's incomplete, so I try my best not to.

Now, I can truly say, "I'm awesome."

So this is it? | Yes, this is it. I'm letting you go.| I'm no longer holding on.

2011-02-07T00:34:00.003+08:00

Someone once said to me, "You make it difficult to love you sometimes." And now, post-breakup, I wonder how far this is true. I mean, I know I have my mood swings (my brother went as far as to label me bipolar) and I can be a tad bit possessive (just a tad), but I wonder if my personality, who I am and how I act, have made it difficult for people to love me.

Hello again, Bloggerville. It has been a while since I last wrote. I love to use my career as an excuse. That I have been too busy with work to find time to write, but the truth is, I have just been lazy. Lazy to sit in front of the computer and squeeze my creative juices out. Every single time a thought crosses my mind or I see something interesting (or not), I compose a line in my head. Then I get back to work, which lasts 'til late most days, and then I get home and by the time I shower and change, I am too tired to do anything but sleep. So that's what I do. My laziness has come to a point where my whole body aches because I sit here and do nothing. So I have decided that things are going to change this year. This year, my life calls for a revamp. This year, you will meet the new Jehan, InsyaAllah.

On that note, yes ladies and gentlemen, you read (perhaps some of you heard) right. I am no longer part of a couple. I am now single and learning to enjoy it. It was difficult to adjust in the beginning but I think I've gotten the hang of it now. I mean, taking out 2 and a half years worth of relationship from your life is a HUGE thing. You don't just become okay after a day. It takes time and how much time it takes depend on how far you're willing to let go and let yourself heal. I am happy to say that I am now healed, partially to say the least. I mean, there are still times when I am alone where I sit and ponder on what could've/should've/would've been, but generally, I am okay. It's not like I'm wallowing in my heartbreak that I sit in my room crying all day long. Hell, my eating habit didn't even change. I did not lose sleep nor weight over it. I am perfectly normal and a-okay.

The fact that I am normal and a-okay doesn't mean that I wasn't broken though. I was. For about two days. Secretly. Haha. But then again, you'd only expect that from a broken 2 and a half years relationship. I have had someone to whine to for 2 and a half years. For that same amount of time as well, I have had a reason for the empty feeling that tugs in my heart sometime (you know, the kind you get when you miss someone). For 2 and a half years, I had someone to complain about how fabulous (or shitty) my day was, about how I can't seem to lose weight, or anything else I could think of. For 2 and a half years, I had someone tell me how pretty I am every single day and how awesome I've made his life. For 2 and half years, I had someone else to call besides my father when I get harassed at the local 7-Eleven. And all of a sudden, with just two phone calls, I was all by myself.

That takes time getting used to.

I imagined I would be heartbroken for a while. I imagined losing sleep and my appetite not only for food but also for life. I actually thought of it for a while. Not eating as a show of heartbroken-ess, I meant. But it seemed silly. I mean, why should I stop eating just because a guy left me, right? 2 and a half years or not, I always loved food more that any guy. I still do. So that was scratched off my "Things-to-do-because-I'm-heartbroken" list. As I wondered of other things to do, I began to think to myself: Why do I even bother planning to hurt myself for this guy? Is he even worth it? I am way way WAY better than that and I deserve WAY better than him. I mean, don't get me wrong. He was a good guy. Not great, but definitely good. Our relationship had its ups and downs (towards the final few months, there were more downs than ups) but he was always good to me. Or at least he tried to always be good to me. He also tried to be there for me as much as he could and treated me well when we were together. However, despite all that, I have always had a hard time trusting him. Which was a HUGE problem because aren't all successful relationships based on trust? Isn't trust the core from which a successful relationship is sprouted?

So yeah, we were doomed from the very beginning.

But that doesn't mean that I regret anything. There is not a single thing we went through which I wish I could go back in time and change. I believe with all my heart (and this what I told him) that every single thing we have been through together has influenced me into becoming the person I am today. From our experience together, I have learned the following, among other things:-

That no matter how much you love (or you think you love) someone, never ever put 100% trust in him / her. Always, ALWAYS give him /her the benefit of a doubt because that way, when you are betrayed, your "ideal" won't be crushed too badly.
It is better to take your time getting to know a person rather than rushing into the idea of being in love/a relationship.
You cannot change a person. Or rather, you should not change a person. Let him / her be the way he / she is. I mean, yeah, maybe you could make them act/talk/laugh how you want them to in the beginning but think of it: how long do you think a person can pretend? How long can you pretend?

Okay, I can only think of the top 3 at this moment, but not in that exact order. and I'm not saying this applies to everyone. But these are some of the things I've learned and I know not to do again in future relationship(s).

Letting go is hard, I have to admit. But believe me when I say that you can never do it alone. I know (from experience, I must say) that it gets worse if I attempt to do it alone because I'll relapse and end up calling him, crying over the phone begging for him to take me back. And he'll do it, I know he'll do it out of pity but how long will that last? We'll never be happy. So the fact that I have a super strong support system (consisting of siblings, friends, colleagues) who tells me every single day that things are going to be okay, that he is a jerk (girlfriends always say this to their girlfriend when she gets dumped but it is not always true), that there is in fact light at the end of the tunnel, a rainbow after the rain, really helps. And I am thankful for that.

I will always hold the memories of our relationship close and dear to my heart because despite everything that has happened, I loved him and a small part of me deep down still does. Because you can't just turn off your feelings like a tap. And I wish the best for him and only pray for his happiness and well being wherever he may be, whoever he ends up with.

So yes, maybe we'll be friends in the future, who knows? But for now, I am happy to say that I am over it.

And with this, I proudly announce my return.

For you to notice

2010-06-21T20:45:00.003+08:00

Dear Love

There may be times when I might doubt you. When that happens, it won't be because I don't trust you. It'll be because I know you.

I know you, and I know what you are capable of.

Love,

Candy on the outside, not always a pleasant surprise on the inside.

2010-06-10T23:10:00.001+08:00

Here’s the thing about relationships and I: At times, I REALLY suck at it. The “Let the world see who I really am” me is different in a lot of ways from the “in a relationship mode” me. To the world, I may seem independent, confident and reliable. I may look like I’m capable to do things without screwing them up. Heck, I’ve even gotten awards for normal things that may seem impossible to some (Hey, speaking in public is a general fear among a lot of people nowadays, okay). However, if someone was to be awarded “Girlfriend / Life Partner of The Entire Human Existence”, I know for sure that I wouldn’t even make it to the list of Top 1 million nominees.

What I believe to be my biggest problem / challenge is the fact that I get attached to people / things / situations really easy (pardon the slashes. I’m kind of attached to it because of work). Give me one thing that i really, really like and you’ll find it with me all the time for a long, long time. Like I had this necklace my sister gave to me as a graduation present in my Diploma years. It was heart-shaped and had this sort of antique-ish rust to it and I loved it. So, I ended up wearing it everywhere, with any outfit, I didn’t care if I was accessorizing to much or if it doesn’t match my attire for the day. The same goes with people. Once I’ve taken a liking in you, then that’s it. There will be no way out for you – until I’ve lost interest.

So once I’m hooked, I’ll have all this expectations from the object of my affection. Like for instance, I would expect said individual to always want to be with me as much (read ALL the time) – if not more than – as I want to be with him. And it would take me a few minutes – after whining and sulking on the fact that it turns out, said individual DOES NOT want to spend all of his waking hours with me – to realise that sometimes, people – maybe not me, but people – need some time to themselves, be it alone or to spend it with other people whom or things which doesn’t equate to JEHAN. Upon realising this, 10 or 15 minutes after hanging up emotionally on said individual, I would then take my usual walk of shame down the road of apologies (IMPORTANT NOTE: there’s nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to apologising, especially if it’s for something that was really your fault. Unless of course, it’s something really dumb and idiotic that you were so strongly backing up before realising that it is in fact really dumb and idiotic) and start tapping the keypad of my phone, drafting a really long text message on how sorry I am and that I should be more understanding and how I really am a bad, bad girlfriend.

And then I don’t sleep because I’ll be replaying the conversation / situation over and over and over (they say repeating something twice is too little, 4 times is too much. 3 times is just nice) in my head substituting words, emotions, changing the script here and there, thinking of how I could have handled things better. But the thing about dwelling on the past and regretting it is that there really isn’t a point to it. It has happened. The milk has been spilt, be it accidentally or not. Rice has in fact become porridge and there are absolutely no ways / means of turning it into rice again. I can dwell and regret all I want, I can try all the tears there is to cry but at the end of the day, the fact still remains – I did what I did and said what I said. I guess it’s true what they say (them and their sayings) that words are mightier than swords (or is it pens are mightier than swords? I can’t seem to recall).

But you see, I know that there is no point to it. But that doesn’t mean it won’t happen again. And so the cycle goes on and on and on.

They say us human beings are an ungrateful bunch.

Another thing about relationships and I: I THINK I am the best girlfriend ever in the whole entire universe. Like seriously. I would always want to be there for the people I love, telling them, “I’m here if you need me,” and then I get really emotional if I found out that said loved ones have been balling up and hiding their feelings / emotions and not coming to me for comfort. What I normally realise – a little too little too late, of course – that some people don’t go to other people for comfort when they are facing problems because they simply don’t want to. I don’t know why is it so hard for me to accept the fact that some people – unlike me who looooove finding comfort in other people – find comfort in other things like futsal or watching movies alone (to which I will of course question, “Why did you go alone? Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?”) or running or watching TV or sleeping. THEY JUST DON’T TALK ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS, GET IT ALREADY JEHAN! NOT EVERYONE WHORES THEIR EMOTIONS LIKE YOU! But does Jehan get it? Yes she does, for about 2 weeks.

Ok, so I don’t really WHORE my emotions. I mean, I don’t tell my problems to the next person who sits next to me on the LRT. But I do like to express my feelings – sometimes too much – to my confidants. I can’t help it. I guess I just haven’t really mastered The Art of Balling up Your Feelings Inside Without EVER Bursting.

And then there’s that other thing about me talking too much. I am not a compulsive talker but I will admit that I’m known to conquer a large part of a conversation at times – which is not a good thing if you ask mannerism and etiquettes specialists. However, I take comfort in the knowledge that know – for a FACT – that there are people out there who are just like or worse than me when it comes to talking too much. I know some of them personally.

So to the Exes and Currents, thank you for all the good and bad, happy and sad, up and down times. The fact that you lasted with me more than a year is an indication that you accepted me for who I really am – until you couldn’t / can’t take it anymore.

Dear Nexts, consider yourselves warned.

They say true love lasts forever - even if you're no longer together. If that's the case, then I don't want to be friends with Loneliness anymore.

2010-06-08T23:56:00.009+08:00

Dear Love

I hope you know that whatever I do, I have your best interests at heart.

I may sound sad at times but try my hardest to hide my sadness from you. I hope you know that when that happens, it means that I can not bear to see you sad or hurt. Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss.

I know it may be difficult to comprehend but I hope you understand that sometimes I may be laughing along with you, but my heart may be hurting and crying. But when I do cry out loud, I hope you know it's because I trust you that much to be coming undone before you. So please, hold me like you mean it when you say, "Don't worry, everything will be okay." (You telling me that everything will be okay would be the only thing I want to hear then).

Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice. Falling in love with you, I had no control over. I hope you understand that it's only natural for me to be so afraid of losing you. But all I want is for you to be happy and if it means letting you go, then I will. I will cry endless tears and my heart would shatter. But trust me, you will be free.

I hope you know it in your heart, even when you don't hear it from me, that I would never do anything intentionally to hurt you.

I hope you know that I love you, always have and always will.

Love,

Back to being lonely

2010-06-07T23:55:00.001+08:00

A colleague told me today that I looked sexy. My first, immediate reaction to that was to look down and check if one of the buttons on my shirt had accidentally come undone. She (Yes, she. What? Did you expect I would just allow some random guy to tell me I look sexy in my outfit? Besides, I only believe a compliment like that if it comes from a girl because guys are normally driven by their lust and sexual needs when they say things like that whereas girls usually mean it) laughed and said that it was a compliment. Sexy doesn’t necessarily mean you have to show all the skin and deep cleavages there is to show. To which of course, I agree with. She just caught me off-guard because I rarely if ever, get compliments such as that. Sexy doesn’t necessarily mean overly exposed skin. More than the required and acceptable amount, that is. Most of the time, the way you carry yourself, your confidence and positive attitude can make you appear sexy too. I mean, it’s a universally known fact (sort of. I believe there is a research somewhere I can quote for this. I’ll check) that a confident plain-Jane exudes a higher level of sexiness compared to a timid Eva Mendes lookalike.

I often like to believe that attraction does not solely happen due to a person’s physical appearance. I like to tell myself that it does not matter if I’m tanned and slightly chubby in my cheeks and other places I shall not share and that I look a tad bit mature for my age or that my legs aren’t long enough to be considered as a footwear model or that my thighs aren’t lean enough to be fitted perfectly in any pair of jeans or that my bum is too wide and flat for my liking. A sincere person – one who isn’t driven by their sexual overdrive – would see me beyond all my physical characteristics and notice that I’m actually fun and enjoyable to be with (provided you don’t get on my nerves). But every plain Jane in the world knows that the truth sides on the next drop-dead-two-times-and-roll-over-in-my-grave gorgeous tall, lean, skinny, perfectly-shaped-for-a-thin-person, young-looking, doe-eyed girl, confident (gorgeous AND confident. What a combination) who passes by. Yes, we live in a world where the durian is delicious but stinks and truths are harsher than we would like them to be.

I was a part of The Company’s orientation programme for new recruits last week. The programme was held for three days and was aimed at equipping us new recruits with better understanding of The Company and its businesses and also to allow us to set a solid network among other new recruits in The Company. So there I was, being Miss New and Improved All Positive Thinking, pumped and excited to join in the fun. Believe it or not, I was anticipating to be a part of the program. I really saw it as an opportunity to meet new people, other than the members of my team (who are fabulous fantastic, I tell you). So I went, walking tall, friendly face – check. I was one of the earlier people to arrive so I got to choose where a seat in whichever table I preferred. Naturally, I scanned the room and upon locating a few people with potentially similar wavelength, I made my steps towards a table in the centre of the room (So Jehan, always wanting to be the centre of attention). I said hello to the other people at the table (naturally) and sat. Sadly though, aside from another girl sitting at the table whom gave me a polite smile and introduced herself with a handshake, the rest of them practically ignored me. My questions were answered half heartedly and one of them was even looking elsewhere while answering my question (okay, I have to admit that it wasn’t really an attempt to make conversation on my part, but at least look in my eyes when you tell me “Yes, we have to register first by signing the attendance sheet”). It turns out in the end that my careful choice of seating did not matter anyway as we were re-divided into groups because the Person in-charge (PIC) thought most of us looked like we were sitting with our own people, which was basically true.

Once we got into our respective groups, we had no choice but to interact with one another of course because there were group activities and tasks to be executed,

I had a point...

Ah...Okay.

So anyways, since I didn’t go with my “own people”, i decided to sit back and enjoy the reality unfolding before my eyes. Yes, I do that sometimes, sit and watch other people’s behaviours and their actions. One thing I noticed about most of the people there – especially guys and don’t blame me for noticing such a minute thing but it was THAT obvious – is that their attention was immediately drawn when this tall, lanky and somewhat beautiful, confident (you could so tell that she was confident just from her stride) girl walked into the room with two of her equally beautiful and attractive friends. Just by merely walking into a room, they managed to capture the attention of ¾ of the room’s population. Imagine the presence they have within them.

What I’m trying to say is, yes your wits, intelligence, literacy, knowledge, smartness and everything else matters to a certain extent. But trust me when I say that physical appearance is the holy grail of all attractions. It doesn’t matter if you’re the smartest or wittiest person on the planet if you do not know how to take care of your appearance and package yourself in a way that attracts people to find out more about you and to finally know that you’re the smartest person on the planet – after you attract them with your dolled up face and perfectly symmetrical smile.

At the end of the day, the plain Jane me did not walk away empty handed. My group nominated me as one of their best dressed member, a title which I didn’t win of course, what with ALL that competition. I was also picked as one of the three most participative participants for this installation of the programme. So despite all the unanswered emails and work that was piling itself up in my in-tray, I enjoyed my three days of orientation. I believe that the programme has managed to achieve what it set out to do. I learned more about The Company, its organisation, composition and service lines (knowing more about its service lines has made me think of venturing into other things now) as well as made friends with some really great people with whom I know I’d keep in touch. So thank you The Company.

Most importantly today, I looked great.

Master Oogway is on the way!

2010-06-06T16:40:00.003+08:00

A couple of days ago, a colleague asked me if I knew how to ride a motorcycle. When I told her I don't, she said this, "La. Nampak je ganas. Tapi tak tahu naik motor." (which basically translates to "You look brutal enough to know how to ride a bike"). My reply to her was a blank stare and a small laugh. Just a hint of a laugh. I mean, what was I suppose to reply to that?

My point is, it is just so easy for us to judge people based on merely a first look, without getting to know that person first. And it's so easy for us to assume that we are the same as the people we are closely acquainted to. I say us because I too am guilty of smirks and judgmental thoughts sometimes. I understand that sometimes, we just cannot help it. It's easy. It's easy to assume that just because someone dresses in a way that exposes her sexuality, she's cheap and sleeps around. For all you know, she feels inconfident if she dresses any other way. It's easy to assume that if someone speaks with a certain accent or acts a certain way, he or she is a snob or comes from a certain "society unfriendly" background. It's easy to assume that if someone is dating a mat rempit, then she too is cheap and sleeps around and is a rempit. It's easy to assume that if a person wears a certain type of jeans, then he or she belongs in a certain kind of group. Yes, it's easy. That is why we do it all the time. It's easy, but it's not right.

A general first impression people would have on me would be that I am a snob, because I walk confidently (hahaha) and rarely smile at strangers. Upon first getting to know me, people would still think I'm a snob because I don't talk a lot and would prefer the other party to make conversations. However, once you get to know me better, you feel find that I may be all of the above, and more! No, seriously. I only walk like that because, well because that is just the way I walk. I don't know how to walk any other way. I don't smile a lot to strangers because I'm always worried I'd be embarrassed if they don't return my smile. So I always leave it to them to make the first move, sometimes. I don't talk a lot at first acquaintances because I don't want to be an emotion slut, where I start to throw my life story at the first person who sits next to me at an annual dinner. There are people like that, you know. One second you're saying hello and the next thing you know, she's relating every single thing you say to her life story and ends up 'advising' you to not follow in her footsteps. I hate it when that happens to me so I wouldn't want to impose that on others. It's also because most of the time if I don't really know someone that well, I wouldn't know what to talk to them about. So I try to minimize the talking unless you direct a conversation at me.

I may seem like a girly-girl most of the time. Forever "Ewwwww-ing" at yucky things and never daring to touch anything slimy or cockroach-ish. Creepy crawlies stay away. But believe it or not I love me some hiking in the woods towards a waterfall with six river crossings. I can be totally independent and not depend on the brauny people to assist me in climbing over fallen tree trunks and manouvering around narraow rocks (except that one time I went with En Pencuri Hati and climbed all the way up to the top of Chiling Falls. If I had refused some of his assistance that day I might appear in the next day's newspaper with a headline reading "Fat girl drowns in whirlpool" or something along that line).

I love camping. Provided the need for relieving my self in the bushes does not arise. Yes, I would prefer to camp somewhere where toilet facilities are provided. But nevertheless, I love camping and am always up for the challenge.

I may seem confident and independent most of the time, but the truth is, I am emotionally needy. I guess guys would find that a problem in a girl. It may be true that the act of love doesn't necessarily have to be physical. It doesn't have to be shown. You're supposed to know and feel it when a person loves you. I believe that, to a certain extent. I also believe that if an act of love is shown, it would make it that much more meaningful. Like for instance, I love the fact that my boyfriend calls me every night. Whether or not he does it sincerely or because he somehow feels obliged to do so is beside the point. The point is he calls me every night. Even if he doesn't, I would still know that he loves me. But the fact that he does, makes me feel important, like I am so much a part of his life. So when he falls asleep after a long day and night at work and it somehow slips his mind to call and wish me goodnight, I get emotional.

I just realized that THAT has nothing to do with anything at all but I'm going to leave it be.

What I'm trying to say is, TRY (yes, I am still learning to try) to not judge people on the first look because you wouldn't want people doing the same to you. A person may be all you thought they could be and maybe even more. There is always hope, and it floats (It doesn't make sense, I know. But I was suddenly reminded of the movie Hope Floats.

And of course, I do know how to ride a motorcycle - pillion style.

37 hours in a day still wouldn't be enough

2010-06-06T10:15:00.003+08:00

*Dust*Dust*Dust*

The fact that it took me six minutes of thinking before coming up with this sentence, worries me.

Apologies for the long hiatus and lack of updates. People who read my blog frequently would know this about me. That I take long breaks from blogging sometimes. I like to always point a finger at writer's block for such instances though I have to admit that he is not ALWAYS at fault.

Now I'm back. Bigger (most definitely) and better (I hope).

I'm being asked the questions, "Are you ever going to update your blog?" and "When are you going to update your blog?" ever so often lately. I haven't been updating my blog because I have been extremely busy lately. Not only am I tight up with work, I am also tied up with other things. I will give you an example of 'other things' when I think of something. Well, okay. I have run out of excuses. In fact, I shouldn't be making any excuses at all. I got myself a netbook and now have broadband internet connection at home (yes, I didn't use to) so there is no excuses for not updating frequently. None at all.

The truth is, I have been lazy. Seriously and absolutely lazy and unmotivated to blog. I like to tell people that I have been so busy, I can't find the time. But in actual fact, I have been a lazy bum at updating my blog. I have been squeezed dry of ideas on what to blog about. Merely updating on "how my day went today" is boring and just isn't enough.

The thing is, work takes up most of my time in a day. And although my work involves a lot of communicating with clients via email while sitting on a chair at a desk in an air-conditioned office space, it actually drains out the energy off me at the end of the day. My official - official being on paper, in my employment contract - working hours is from 8.30 a.m to 5.30 p.m but nobody ever leaves at 5.30 p.m (except for the lady who does admin for my team who leaves on the spot every day). I arrive at work around 7.30 a.m daily. I know this is not mainly due to my diligence or how eager I am to start work everyday, but instead is also due to my own 'kiasu-ness'. There, i have admitted it. I am early everyday because I don't want to miss parking in front of my building, of which if happens will result in me having to walk more than 30 steps to get to my building which I think is a complete hassle and unnecessary.

So yes, I get in at 7.30 and would normally have breakfast in the office while checking my emails and drafting replies for my supervisor's review. Believe it or not, I have never Facebooked in the office. I know it sounds kind of impossible, but I swear. Due to the fast pace of my job - I have to constantly check my emails and draft replies and normally have datelines to meet every single day - the earliest I would leave th office for home would be at 6 p.m. Most of the days when I get home, i don't feel like doing anything else but lie in bed and sleep. After showering and freshening up, of course. My point is, nothing else would come to mind at that point of day. Not blogging or Facebooking or YM-ing. All I'd see is my comfy orange spread bed and all I could think about is that one phone call before I drift, sailing away to wherever it is my mind takes me in Dreamland. Most of the time, I don;t even feel like doing anything on the weekend. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I have succumbed and given in to the norm of society and let my work drain the life out of me. My life is officially boring.

Having said all that, I am glad that I do not hate my job - yet. Haha. It's something different from what I expected to be doing after I graduated and there are a lot to learn. But I like my job because I think if we're not doing it then a lot, and I mean a lot of expats would be having problems with employment in Malaysia. Haha. Yes, the work is hectic and constantly demanding and its occupational hazard is paper-cuts, but it's my source of income and I'm thankful for it. Yay me!

Speaking of Yay Me!s, I have recently just officially graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Accounting (Hons.). My graduation/convocation ceremony was on 27 May 2010. You can find pictures on Facebook. Thanks to Abah and Mama for making it possible and my brother and sister for being there. Special shout-outs to my special friends Nana and En Pencuri Hati for sparing their time to see me on stage for 25 seconds. I love yous.

Until my next boring update, I'll be keeping it real.

I wouldn't want to live forever.

2010-04-05T20:58:00.002+08:00

I miss the days when everything was simple. When your biggest problem was that your neighbour talked to herself and you were constantly distracted by her shouts and cries that you couldn’t study for a test the next day. When the highlight of your day included not flunking a Financial Accounting test and spending time eating Korean BBQ with your friends after debate training. I miss the days when friends were around and reachable and all we had to do to decide on a ‘lepak’ session was meet in the living hall. I miss the days when everything was impromptu; when meeting up doesn’t take ages to plan; when plans are executed and no one was too busy to join in the fun. I miss the days when all I needed to do when in need of a shoulder to cry on was knock on the next room’s door. I miss the nights filled with laughter because we were all too awake to fall asleep and the nights scented with the aroma of caffeine because we were all too sleepy to stay awake to study.

Don’t get me wrong. Work is great. All the people you meet and new things you experience. Work is fantastic. It’s another new chapter of life that you have no choice but to write and illustrate. But with work come responsibilities and complicated commitments. Now, the highlight of your day includes actually finding a parking space within untiring walking distance to the office and being able to leave the office sharp at 5.30 p.m. And payday of course but not long after, after the loan payments, insurance payments, Touch&Go payments, credit card payments, putting aside a sum of money for one month worth of petrol, you’re left scratching your head again counting the days to the next payday.

I miss the days when things are simple.

Thinking of you. Now.

2010-02-20T14:10:00.002+08:00

I hold you like I do, tightly because I know that one day, I'll lose you.

And I'm determined to do it with a smile on my face.

-I Wrote This For You -

Wahai En. Pencuri Hati

2010-02-20T01:21:00.002+08:00

You are wanted and needed. Here. Now.

Kaulah bahagiaku; namun kau jua deritaku.

2010-02-20T00:16:00.003+08:00

Before I move on further, pardon the sappy love story theme of late. I'm just in that mood, you know. So, yeah.

I saw the movie Valentine's Day twice. Not because the movie was so great. It's a little bit cliche if you ask me but I'll let you figure out why yourself. I saw it twice because I went with two different groups of people who wanted to see it. I have to admit that I was initially excited about the movie due to its all-star cast. But it was just okay for me. However, there was a line in the movie that was so prominent to me, I keep hearing it over and over in my head. One of the characters said:

When you love someone, you love all of them.

When you love someone and your love is so true and unconditional, you'll love him for everything that makes him, him (Duhh. Why else would you call it 'unconditional' love, right?). The good, the bad, the worse. When you love someone, you somehow figure out a way to accept them the way they are, how irritating, how annoying, how cute they are. Because that's just the way love works. You can't love someone today because he's funny and cute and then not love him tomorrow because he makes these really un-cute faces when he laughs. That's not love; it's crazy.

It doesn't matter if you've been in a committed relationship with her for so long, people thought you're married and she bolts at the first mention of a real marriage, 5 kids and 3 dogs.

It could be your best friend whom have been right there in front of you; whom have been through smooth, rough, thick, thin and hell for you; and have been in love with you for so long, a fact which of course you are oblivious to.

Even if the woman of your dreams moonlights as a 'Adult Telephone Entertainer'.

It doesn't matter if at 59, the love of your life confesses that she cheated on you with one of your business partners while you were away, after 35 years of marriage.

He might have sweet-talked his way into your heart, but the point remains: Once you have fallen in love, you're in for good.

It really is strange, this thing called love.

Power heels, check!

2010-02-18T06:35:00.004+08:00

As of this coming Monday, I will no longer be known as Teacher Jehan, which to tell you the truth saddens me more than it really should. I have submitted my 2 weeks notice of resignation and will commence duty elsewhere beginning February 22nd (I know, it's a really awkward date to start but I had to give a minimum 2 weeks notice to my then current employer and my employer to be are on leave the whole week this week for Chinese new year). Elsewhere being here (Haha. Saja je tak nak disclose company suruh korang cari sendiri). My departure saddens me because as much as I really want to scream at those children to please keep quiet and pay attention and as much as I sometimes feel like banging my own head on the wall because they drive me crazy I tell you, they have actually succeeded in making me fall head-over-heels in love with them those little devils. Well, most of them really. There are those that I still couldn't stand 'til the end. So it makes me sad to the point of being on the verge of tearing up (just on the verge) to think that some other person would be taking over my place in their hearts.

Anyways, my new job as Junior Consultant for the Global Employer Services Department. The beginning of the rest of my life. My first ever corporate career. The possibilities of it excite and scare me at the same time. I'm excited because Yay! Alhamdulillah everything is going according to plan. I managed to bag a job at one of the 'Big Fours' as they are fondly known around the world and hey it's not an audit position thank god; a not-bad-for-a-fresh-grad salary; and it's my first ever real job! I'm finally joining the dog-eat-dog world, the rat race. I'm one step closer to achieving my dreams, though my real dreams are not yet achievable as of now. I am also scared at the same time because what if I hate my job and get really depressed about it? What if it doesn't turn out to be as I expected (like in the movie Post-grad, Alexis Bledel's character Ryden got her dream job as assistant to the publisher at her dream firm but she ended up doing filing instead of her dream job). But then, I'll never know until I give it a try, right? Who knows I might really, really, really enjoy it and meet all sorts of people I love to be around. So I'm jumping in, head-first. Corporate world, dogs, rats, bring it on!

If you were meant to love it, it would be called sleeping or eating or watching movie or sex or something else you enjoy doing instead of a 'job', right?

Goodbye my loves.

2010-02-17T20:46:00.005+08:00

There won't be a single day that will pass by without me missing and longing to hug all of you.

But of course, when I do love you I'll love all of you and not just your smile.

2010-02-16T00:32:00.005+08:00

I pergi on a date hari ni. Date kali ni memang seronok walaupun aktiviti yang dilakukan adalah aktiviti sama yang dilakukan pada kebanyakkan date macam yang orang lain lalui (contohnya menonton di panggung, makan Carl's Jr. dan berjalan-jalan sambil berborak dan berlanggar bahu. Melawat taman buaya atau mini Malaysia adalah bukan contoh yang sesuai). At one point sementara mengisi masa senggang sebelum tayangan gambar bermula (mesti anda semua assume yang kami menonton Valentine's Day kan sebab kami pergi bertemu-janji? Malangnya tekaan anda salah. Tak kan setiap kali date nak tonton cerita berkisar cinta saja kan? Tak kan nak turut kehendak dan minat I saja. Mestila nak memuaskan kehendak Dia jugak), kami duduk sambil memerhatikan orang ramai yang lalu-lalang. Dan biasalah, bila dah duduk memerhati orang lalu-lalang - tak kira dengan date atau teman rapat atau teman lelaki - mesti banyak komen yang keluar tentang mereka yang lalu-lalang. Kadang-kadang bila difikirkan, memang rasa kesian pada mereka yang lalu-lalang sebab mereka tak buat salah apa pun. Mereka cuma lalu saja. Tak pasal-pasal dikomen. Oleh itu untuk mengelak dari rasa bersalah atau kasihan, jangan fikirkan sangat sebab kalau mereka yang duduk dan kita yang lalu-lalang, mereka juga melalukan perkara yang sama bila memerhatikan kita, don't you think so?

Pada mulanya suasana lengang. Tapi dengan tiba-tiba ramai pulak kaum cina lalu-lalang depan kami, semuanya cantik-cantik dengan baju bertemakan tahun baru cina.

Dia: Dia orang ni semua mesti poket penuh angpau kan?

I: A'ah. Betul-betul. Ha! I ada idea! (sila stresskan nada penuh keterujaan di sini). Apa kata You attract attention dia orang lepas tu nanti I snatch angpau dia orang (sila stresskan nada penuh gurauan disini. Tak kan you all ingat I seriously nak snatch? Hello?). Genius kan idea I?

Dia: No, no, no, no, no. Tak genius langsung. I don't snatch people's money. I only snatch people's hearts.

Awwwwwwwwww~~~ Yes, that was an aww moment there. Cepat Awwwwwww dengan I.

Jadi mulai hari ini, Dia akan dikenali sebagai Encik Pencuri Hati. Okay? Okay.

En. Pencuri Hati kemudian bertanya, "Kalau I dilahirkan dengan muncung macam ni (sambil memuncungkan bibir nye tahap muncung to the max dah boleh gantung tiga hanger) You nak kawan tak dengan I agak-agak?" "Well, cinta tak kenal rupa," kata I padanya. "Kalau I dah kenal hati-budi you, mestilah I dah tak kisah nak kawan dengan you walaupun mulut you naturally macam tu," I sambung lagi. "Tapi kalau dah rupa I macam ni, takkan you sudi nak berkenalan dengan I dan hati budi I betul tak?" tanyanya lagi, sambil tu sempat membuat contoh bercakap dengan bibir muncung. I berfikir sejenak kemudian berkata, "Well, maybe I won't go out with you because I can't understand a single thing you're saying." Dan kami pun bergelak ketawa.

Okay, my point is that there was some truth in his point. Yes, memang kita sering berkata bahawa paras-rupa tak selalu menjadi ukuran untuk kita menyayangi atau mencintai seseorang. Ada yang lebih berani mengatakan paras-rupa tak penting langsung asalkan seseorang itu baik hatinya dan berbudi pekerti mulia. Tapi pada hakikatnya, even looking at the reality today it is safe to say that looks, what you see with your eyes, the outer beauty of individuals play quite a vital part in attracting people to get to know you.

Kan mereka kata, tak kenal maka tak cinta. Jadi untuk menarik minat orang untuk kenal dengan kita, kita mestilah menarik dari segi fizikal. Bila orang tengok kita yang walaupun tak cantik macam super model tapi bolehlah sedap mata memandang, penuh keyakinan diri dan pemilik senyuman yang tak lah menawan tahap dewa tapi manis, barulah orang tertarik untuk bertanya nama kita dan mengenali hati budi kita dengan lebih rapat. Then only can you love.

Memang tak dinafikan, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and God in all of His perfection has made everyone beautiful in their own personal ways. Ramai manusia pelbagai ragam. Minat dan preferences kita juga pelbagai. Mungkin sesetengah daripada kita mudah tertarik dengan orang yang kurus dan tinggi namun ada juga yang berpendapat bahawa fat is fabulous and cute. Ada yang rasa wanita berkulit cerah itu cantik dan ada pula yang tak bersetuju dan berpandangan bahawa mereka yang berkulit sedikit 'tanned' lebih manis dan menarik. But no matter what our tastes and preferences are, we can't deny that physical and outer beauty plays an important role in attracting people to get to know you. That is the first step right, attraction? Without attraction, there's no way you'd be interested to find out whether or not there's chemistry or fireworks or whatever it is you want to call it between the two of you. Or the three of you. Whichever works.

I rasa you tak perlu lah nak jadi drop-dead gorgeous untuk jadi attractive. Tak perlu badan se-hot Taylor Lautner ataupun McSteamy. Cukup sekadar sejuk mata memandang. Keyakinan diri memang sangat penting supaya diri lebih tertonjol berbanding orang lain. Kalau you seorang yang kelakar tak ingat pun, is an added advantage I rasa. Tengok macam En. Pencuri Hati. Walaupun tak sekacak Thierry Henry, saya percaya banyak hati yang telah dicurinya dengan lawak jenaka dan lagak selambanya itu. Tambahan pula dia menjaga penampilan, which I think is another important aspect in assuring your level of attractiveness. Tak semestinya berpakaian belia like, all the time. As long as kemas and tak nampak atau bau macam baju you diambil dari hamper baju kotor, should be fine I guess.

Dan semestinya you patut pastikan yang baju atau seluar you tu adalah dalam saiz yang bersesuaian dengan badan.

Dan ingat bahawa boxer shorts adalah pakaian dalam.

The one where the Mericans chill.

2010-02-14T18:05:00.004+08:00

So the Mericans decided to spend our Sunday and Mama's birthday frolicking at a waterfall. Okay, maybe not frolicking. This trip was long over-due. We couldn't go last year because many of our teenagers were sitting for their PMR examinations so this long weekend was the perfect time to put this plan into action. It was the first adventure trip for the Mericans. Normally we would be spending time at an island or by the beach somewhere. We had done rivers before in Kalumpang but it wasn't this adventures.

The trip started out with a trek up from the parking lot to the ranger's office where we got each and every member of the clan registered which is a requirement to get into the jungle and sanctuary. Yes, it's a fish sanctuary not to be underestimated nevertheless. Once we've been briefed on the safety measures and other precautions, we were set to go. No one - not even 5 year old Umar - was tired down by the half hour trek to the first river crossing for what was waiting for us after the 5th crossing was to be magnificent. Yes, we trekked the not-so-but-slightly friendly tracks of the jungle, climbed over five or six fallen trees, jumped over creeks and crossed 5 not-so calm rivers (all along with three children below 8, one of whom managed to get one of her sandals drift down the river at the second crossing) and finally gaped in awe at what was standing majestically before our eyes. It was so worth the one and a half hour of trekking.

I'm glad we decided to do this despite the absolutely tiring trek back to the ranger's base (yes, re-crossing all five rivers and doing the whole tree trunks and creek thing all over again). I would so go again.

We climbed up the huge ass rock there and jumped into the deep pool at the bottom. It was the most awesome feeling. The pool was so deep that I sort of panicked for a moment when it took me forever to resurface.

At the deeper pool is where the school of Kelah fish likes to play. There were hundreds of them, as you could see from the picture. The ranger reminded us that we weren't supposed to catch the fish (but of course, it IS a sanctuary) but were allowed to feed them not rice but bread. We brought along nasi lemak and roti canai for breakfast and decided that roti canai sort of pass for bread. So we fed them roti canai. Fantastic experience.

The picture doesn't do justice to the magnificence of the place, really.

One of the rivers we crossed. This was one of the easier ones, going only up to slightly below my knees. One went up to my thighs.

I think boxer shorts were invented to be worn under your outer garments. For a fully grown man to be wearing them when jungle trekking and crossing six rivers is just absolutely wrong, obscene and inappropriate.

I'm just saying.

The Tiger ROOOOAAARS!

2010-02-14T07:02:00.003+08:00

I am thanking God for all these Mandarin oranges. Xin Nian Kuai Le to all friends and loved ones. Hope you have a prosperous new year filled with love and laughter.

Happy 49th Birthday Mama!!!

Teacher, do you want to marry my father?

2010-02-13T17:40:00.005+08:00

How do you find THE ONE? How do you find the one person who was put onto the earth to be yours, fated and destined only for you? How? It has nothing to do with who you are, who your parents or grandparents know, where you’ve been, where you’re coming from or where you’re going. It has nothing to do with your place in society either. If you haven’t found him, it could just be that the time is not right yet. Think of it as walking across a bridge: The longer the bridge, the further you’d have to walk across. For some lucky people, finding their destiny is easy business because their bridges are shorter. Who’s to say you’ll never find The One at 25 because it’s now too late? Even being single at 35 is nothing if you’ve spent that time building something for yourself, ensuring the most stable, secured and highest quality safety net for whatever the future might have installed for you. The best thing to do, I think is to pray. Pray and ask from Allah because He listens. He listens and grants His promises and our wishes for as long as we have Iman. After all, they did say "Wanita baik untuk lelaki yang baik, sebaliknya wanita jahat untuk lelaki yang jahat". So, no worries I guess because you WILL eventually find The One.

Time is merely a part of the measuring system used to sequence events, to compare the durations of events and the intervals between them, and to quantify the motions of object. I think it okay to take your time in searching for The One as long as in the end, you bag Mr. Right and not Mr. Right Now. It is better to be single and alone and searching rather than being trapped in a fruitless relationship with the wrong person. Human beings always think we know it all but the truth is, we often misinterpret life and living life as it is. We always tend to over complicate things though more often than not, we deny it. We always think, “I would be contented and at bliss if I have this,” but in fact whatever it is that we really, really want would in the end be our downfall. Manusia tak pernah puas. We human beings will never ever be contented or happy with what we have. That’s just our nature, always wanting more, always wanting to be above and better than everybody else. We’d see people cruising in luxury cars and think to ourselves, “Dang, how wonderful, how much better my life would be if I had a car like that.” But then again, who’s to say that owning a luxurious car would not bring us problems instead? Like, who knows maybe the luxury car driver would be charged extra when buying durians on the road side compared to a humble Kancil driver. You never know.

And then we find ourselves stuck in traffic, envying the motorcycles slipping in between vehicles to the front of the line. Now we wish we’re riding a motorcycle instead of driving this stupid car. That way, we’d get to where we want to be much quicker. For all we know, the riders been pondering on his misfortune of not owning a car and having to ride in the hot sun instead of enjoying the air conditioning of the car. Everything in this world comes with its own balances. Like, there’s no happiness without suffering first. Yin and yang. Whatever you want to call it, everything has its good and bad sides.

Same goes with marriages, I suppose. It is a good, positive outlet to numb your lust and feed your hunger for sex – as opposed to random, pre-marital sex, of course. However, you still find married people whose conditions get worse after marriage. We generally assume that people who are married have better lives because they have someone looking out for them now. Picking up their shit after them. Someone to share everything and nothing with at the same time. An outlet to pour all those emotions into. But there are people who become unhappier, if you may once they are married. Why? Aren’t weddings and marriages associated to love and happiness and therefore you should be happy and not miserable and dreading going home to your husbands/wives? Like I said, everything in this world has a good and bad side. With marriage comes legal sex (Yay!). But they forget, I guess that marriage also comes with a huge amount of responsibilities (No!) not only to your significant other, but also to your family, their family and the society as a whole. When you get married, when you are solemnised into being a married couple, you make a promise not only to Allah and your families, but also the society that you would duly perform your duties as husband and wife. I don’t know about you but I think that is one hell of a responsibility. It is heart breaking to see people taking their marriages for granted and treating it like a game. I used to love you but now I think I love someone else so let’s get a divorce so I can be with my true love what about the children oh they will deal with it and heal as time pasts. It doesn’t work like that! How could you just disregard everything that has brought you to that point in your life when you made promises of forever and she gave up, sacrificed everything in the name of love, for your dreams of being together to come through?

In my opinion, if you’re not prepared to shoulder the responsibilities of being somebody’s wife, if you’re not ready to be called someone’s husband, if you’re not up for that kind of commitment, don’t get yourself into it. Don’t get married. If you’re not loaded with knowledge in becoming parents, learn. If you think you might not have the patience with children, take time to find and nurture it. Don’t get up and jump into marriage when the fact of the matter is you’re not prepared for the amount of responsibilities and the consequences that come with it. Because when you jump, there will be no turning back. Marriage is not a game.

“Berkahwin itu indah dan nikmat bagi yang benar-benar mengerti segala tuntutannya. Berkahwin itu menjanjikan pahala tidak putus-putus bagi yang menjadikannya gelanggang untuk menjadikan syurga sebagai matlamat. Berkahwin itu sempadan dari ketidak sempurnaan insan kepada kesempurnaan insane – bagi yang mengetahui rahsia-rahsianya. Berkahwinlah demi tuhan dan Nabi-Nya, bukan kerana perasaan dan mengikut kebaisaan.”

So I guess we shouldn’t worry too much about finding our destined one. When the time comes, he/she will find you. But of course, you’d have to map out the route for him/her to find you then.

But then again – single, unmarried and still chasing my dreams – what do I know.

2010-02-13T16:20:00.002+08:00

Only a hard heart shatters.

Only a hard heart, breaks.

- I wrote This For You -

Chase you down until you love me? Baby, I'm not THAT foolish

2010-01-24T07:41:00.003+08:00

I have found throughout my 3 weeks stint as Teacher Jehan that a lot - I dare say most - of the parents nowadays live in a denial state, believing with all their heart that their children are the smartest of all the children in the world. Well, I understand that as parents you want to believe in your children's fullest potential and that they are capable of what other children are. However, I think you should keep it to yourself (the fact that your child is the smartest kid in the world) and not tell the whole world - especially if it is not true.

In my second week of teaching, a mother decided that her daughter should not be in my class because apparently after two weeks of school, she is still unable to read big words in storybooks and apparently I am to be blamed, naturally of course because I'm her class teacher. What I don't get from that particularly over-dramatic (she screamed and verbally harassed me at one point) situation is how is it my fault that your child - who has been going to kindergarten since the age of 4 - is unable to read still at 6? I've only been teaching her for two weeks, woman. What's been happening throughout the past 2 years when I wasn't even aware of your existence? My point is parents, children - each and every child - have different rate of brain development and learning. Some absorbs knowledge or whatever it is that's been taught to them faster than others. Some don't absorb at all. So please do not blame the teachers when your child is naturally slow. We're teachers, not miracle workers.

If you want my honest opinion, I think the most important thing about educating a child is enforcement at home. Yes, you send your children to school so the teachers can take over the responsibilities of educating them with knowledge, disciplining them and teaching them good values. However, it is not the teachers' full responsibility to do so. When you send them to school, you're merely transferring some of the responsibilities to the teachers while the children are in school. All the knowledge we teach them, all the discipline and values we try to embed in them, all of it means nothing if nothing happens at home, if they are not re-enforced at home. Take for example two kids. Let's just randomly name them Adman and Suds. Both of them are in the same class at school which means that both of them learn and absorbs the same thing at the same rate of teaching. So Adman stays in school until 12.30 p.m while Suds stays until 3 p.m for afternoon reading. Sort of an extra class. When Adman goes home, his mother who is a lawyer would sit with him at night and guide him through his homework. After she is done with that, she practices reading with him and later gives him extra exercises to complete. Meanwhile, Suds parents who are both busy business people, decide that they are too busy to allocate 2 hours a day for their boy. So he is left there at home - no one to tell him to "Get up Suds and do your homework!", no one to practice the phonic blends with him and no one to tell him that picking your nose in public is absolutely rude and not to mention disgusting. So who do you think in the end turns out to be one of the best in class? No points for guessing there. What I'm trying to say is not that lawyers have more time on their hands than busy business people to spend with their children. No. I think both careers require an equal amount of time to be poured into. What I'm trying to say is parents should make some effort to sit with there children and re-enforce what have been enforced at school. Your child is six. I did not study psychology and am not an expert on early childhood education but correct me if I'm wrong when I say that the kindergarten years are the most vital years to your children's development. So yes, at six you shouldn't expect your kid to voluntarily sit at the table and take out his spelling book to practice for tomorrow's spelling test. You as a parent should know that there will be a spelling test tomorrow and that you should sit with your child and help him through the list of words. Okay?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to tell you how to be parents. I'm just saying.

And then there are parents who claim that their children are reading The Chronicles of Narnia at home but can't even read A F-at C-at. Parents, please tell your children's teachers the truth. How are we supposed to help your child if we don't know their true capabilities. When you tell me your child could read a book as complicated as Narnia but in truth don't even know the sounds of the alphabets, I pay less attention to her because in my mind she is a fantastic reader to be reading Narnia at six. So I pay more attention to the kids who struggles reading book 11 in the readers series. Then I discover that your child really can't read but when I inform you, you refuse to believe me and decides that since your child is a genius, she should be learning with the 6 year olds and not the five year Okay?

Don't get me started on the blur-cases because I'll never stop.

Teachers are Superheroes.

2010-01-16T16:34:00.006+08:00

Contrary to popular beliefs, I am not a big fan of accounting. Neither am I planning to ever join the field of accounting or auditing. Unless if throughout this whole year I manage to not get a fantastic offer for a fantastic career opportunity at a fantastic firm, then I might just CONSIDER applying for an audit position. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

As the year 2010 raised its veils and bid us hello, I embarked on an adventurous journey of self discovery (chey chey chey). A journey I am still on, and might be on for quite a while. I am now a kindergarten teacher. Yes ladies and gentlemen, my dear readers you may now address me as Teacher Jehan. Hello, children! (Insert cheery facial expression and super charged up vocal tone here).

To tell you the truth, I couldn't sleep the night before the first day of school. I was nervous about what I were to face the next day. Yes, I who have debated in many and emerged champion in some debate tournaments in front of hundreds of people was nervous about facing 20 or so six year olds. My biggest fear was not "What if they don't like me?" or "What if they won't stop crying?". No, It wasn't. My biggest fear was... Yes, you guessed it: "What if I make the wrong phonics sounds for the letters of the alphabet." Well, and then of course there were the parents I would have to deal with but all I could think about that night was "What is the sound of 'E'?"

Thank God I got through the first day smoothly and came out alive.Well, rather smoothly I would say, save a few bumps like the boy who wouldn't let go of his mother and was bawling and rolling on the floor for more than an hour when mummy left; and a couple who were coming into class every 10 minutes to give their daughter a hug when she wasn't even bothered if they were still there or had left; and of course, the crazy bitch whom from day one was reluctant to leave her child in my hands for the fact that "I haven't seen you here before. Are you new?".

I love my job as Teacher Jehan. Besides the fact that I only work from 8 a.m to 3 p.m everyday, I love being around the children. Even the annoying and naughty ones are adorable sometimes and it makes me feel like pulling them into a big bear hug every time - which you can't do if you're teaching in secondary school, no matter how badly you feel like doing it. The energy that exudes from these kids every morning, always excited and eager to tell me stories about everything happening in their lives just gives me pleasure and every single time they tell me "I love you, teacher" - although they might not mean it and were only saying it to get out of trouble - I feel a warmth in my heart that is so comforting. Every time they ask something from me, I feel like fulfilling all their demands, which I can't and I don't of course. Even as I lie here in bed typing this, I am thinking of those adorable mischievous devils and missing them.

Some of you might be wondering why I consider this job as an adventure. The fact that you are providing these children a foundation, the basics to what would build their characters as individuals in the future is adventurous enough for me. When you get students who at six, could not recognise alphabets and numbers and could not even read basic words like 'cat' and 'baca'; who have the attention span of a goldfish and are lost in their own little world most of the time; who come to school crying, kicking and screaming because "I miss my mummy"; who speak a language you do not understand a single word of; it is a real challenge. It not only requires knowledge to succeed in this field, but also diplomatic and conversational skills, passion (like everything else), creativity, determination, perseverance and a huge, huge, I mean HUGE amount of patience.

Owh, and it helps if your voice is loud too.

I wish for world peace.

2010-01-16T16:16:00.003+08:00

I guess it is not too late to wish everyone a Happy New Year! Okay so maybe it's almost a month after the arrival of 2010 but it's never too late. So the new year brings with it a new layout to my Jehan Soraya: Ask Me How I Am. This blog, I meant for you 'duhh' people. I was getting really frustrated with the previous template as it took waaaaay too long to load and after several times viewing it, I thought it looked to cluttered. I have too much of that in reality so I thought I'd just keep it really nice and simple here on the World Wide Web. And I think this new nice and clean layout makes reading my posts easier with less distractions. Don't you? Great. So we are all on the same page here.

I decided that I would not be making resolutions for this new year because the last time I checked, there were more than five things on my 2009 resolution that I either failed to execute or didn't even bother to attempt. Like losing 8kg. I manage to lose like 5kg and gained 10 after that. I think I might try harder this year, but no resolutions. I'll just set these goals one at a time.

So happy new year to everyone out there. My this year bring with it happiness, prosperity, wisdom, peace and love to all of us and all mankind.

And yes, world peace of course.

Tiger in the Woods

2009-12-23T15:49:00.001+08:00

Guys who cheat will always cheat.

An arranged marriage doesn't sound like such a bad idea after all

2009-12-18T01:06:00.005+08:00

Aunty Jan: Mana Min? Awat dia tak mai?

Mama: Anak dia masuk jawi. Tak baik betoi-betoi lagi so susah la nak berjalan.

Aunty Jan: Oh, ya ka? Awat tak habaq? Kita tak tau apa-apa pun. Lain kali habaq la. Kita adik-beradik kena la habaq.

Mama: Dia pun bidan terjun. Last minute baru decide nak sunat.

Aunty Jan: Allah! Kesian kat kote...*Roar of laughter*

Conversations such as this are what I look forward to most at family gatherings. My Mamus and Mamis, Aunties and Uncles are a bunch of people with sense of humour that is out of this world.

One of my Aunts held tahlil (when we gather to recite verses from the Al-Quran and prayers) to celebrate the arrival of Muharram, the first month in the Islamic calendar marking the Islamic New Year 1431AH. This tahlil was an important event as it is not only to commemorate this significant day, but also a chance for our relatives to take some time off their busy schedules and gather for good food, great conversations and laughter. And eat, talked and laughed we did.

As so happens, another Aunt was celebrating her 45th wedding anniversary that same day. She told us how she was suppose to hold a kenduri (feast of sorts) to celebrate but had to postpone because her daughter could not make it back in time. Then, she began telling the story of how she and her husband ended up happily married, and now for 45 years.

Of course while listening my mind was imagining it at the same time.

It was an arranged marriage. Their mothers had met at the hospital, became acquaintances and decided that their children were to be joined in marriage. Before my uncle, there had been six other potential suitors (I'm not surprised as my aunt was beautiful in her time) who had asked for her hand in marriage but were refused by her mother. My uncle was potential husband number seven and afraid of being jinxed with bad luck (as what our elderly believed) his proposal was accepted.

She was 18 years old.

A feast and celebration of 7 days and 7 nights was planned. She told me how those days were different from now. Those days, she said, parents were firm and children were obedient. She told me how shy she was sitting on her dais, next to her new husband and watched by their relatives, each and every move made carefully observed. Up to one point, her father had asked her to shut her eyes and she did just that, she even ended up dozing off.

Aunty Jan: Depa dok kata "Awat depa ni bagi aku ponoo buta ka?" (The groom must be wondering, "Have they arranged for me a blind wife?")

Nowadays, the social culture of our society is so much different from those times, they tell me. Children of the new generation are so open and comfortable with their relationships that they can sit on the dais and talk to and laugh with one another. Those days, they wouldn't even dare THINK of looking sideways to their suitors.

Listening to their stories, I began to think to myself how they had it easy and were really lucky. I mean, all they had to do was go on as usual with life when their mothers go out to meet people at hospitals and land them good looking, intelligent and well-mannered husbands. No need for heart-aches or complicated girl-meets-boy-girl-and-boy-fall-in-love-but-boy-is-already-engaged-to-be-married-but-insists-on-his-inability-to-live-without-girl-but-can't-leave-his-fiancee-because-it-was-his-parents'-decision relationships. I mean, if it was up to your mother to find a suitable partner for you, obviously she would choose the best of the best right? Well, provided that they are not choosing based on desperation or are under pressure, I presume. A mother would carefully choose the person who is to be her future son/daughter in-law. She won't settle for someone whose future is potentially dim and would not be able to support and maintain her daughter/son's lifestyle? A mother would choose a potential husband who is not only intelligent but is also able to guide you to the right path in life (assuming that the path you are currently on is going the wrong way) and able to provide you with a good and happy life and a wife who knew how to and would cook all your favourite meals or would at least make an effort to learn and who would be there to give you a massage any time you requested; who would make you drinks when you're up working in the middle of the night and say, "Abang tak tidur lagi?"; who would stand firmly by you defending your innocence when 17 prostitutes claim to have had affairs with you.

Mothers won't settle for anything but the best for their children. Sane mothers at least. Not ones who feed their children extra doses of cough syrup so they would fall into deep slumbers and they could slip out to have sex with the next door neighbours or who knowingly allow their children to be sexually abused by their boyfriends or who intentionally refuse their children of their basic rights. Not those mothers.

Look at my Aunt. A coincidental acquaintance at the hospital and 7 proposals, a grand wedding, 4 children, lots of money, a beautiful home, 6 and a half grandchildren and 45 years later - they make up one of the most romantic couples I have ever met.

So I have decided that Mama would find me a suitor, a potential husband-to-be.

After all, Mothers do know best.

2009-12-15T16:00:00.000+08:00

One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it

Its beauty brought me to tears.

2009-12-15T00:03:00.005+08:00

Kalau masa berjalan terlalu cepat

atau terlalu lambat

Dan membawa kau kepadaku terlalu lekas

atau terlalu lewat

Janganlah menyesal

kerana tidak semua kembang merekah di musim bunga.

Kalau aku berbicara seperti si bisu

yang baru bermimpi

dan aku mendengar suara-suara sepi

dalam suasana yang bisu dan hening

Kuingat suatu kerinduan yang sayu di penggantian musim

Walau daku tahu

bahawa tidak semua dedaun gugur di musim rontok.

Kalau mataku rabun

melihat pancar sinar intan

dan hatiku ragu dalam satu ilusi

Sesungguhnya demikianlah nasib

yang telah ditakdirkan

seperti mimpi di musim panas

yang punya fatamorgana di setiap batas.

Kalau nanti kerana takdir

kita berpisah jua

maka bila tiba masa pamitan

seluruh tubuhmu akan ku cium

Lalu aku akan tidur dalam

kembara memohon mimpi

dengan air mata berlinangan

- Firdaus Abdullah -

Beautiful poetry like this is why Bahasa Melayu was invented.

This House Believes that UiTM Should Teach in Bahasa Malaysia

2009-12-14T22:37:00.002+08:00

That - or something like that - was the motion for the final round of the English category of the 2009 Vice Chancellor's Cup Debate Championship which UiTM Malacca City Campus (KBM) was proud to be the host of this year. KBM sent 5 teams and I was part of KBM 2 after some last minute changes. I wasn't suppose to be debating for the VC Cup this year as I am technically no longer a student. I made the trip to Malacca to observe and show support to the other teams, but then the Campus Director saw me and to cut the story short, my name was included in the list of debaters and *Poof!* team KBM 5 was created to accommodate my participation. The truth is, I felt really bad for those who had to be separated from their team-mates just because I could be paired with one of them. I mean, it's really unfair if you think of it. They have gone through rigorous and intensive training, gelled really well together and had their team dynamics set for them and suddenly there I went, big fat and stomping over everything they had built. Although I have to admit that KBM 5 turned out to be a pretty good combination between Bobo and Aliff - they made it as far as the quarter final round. I think if I had gone for training, I would've performed better. But then again, I wasn't planning on debating in the first place so how was I to know, right?

Anyways, Fina and Noel represented KBM 3 and made it to the finals. Yay!!! They were the closing opposition and throughout the debate, most of us seriously believed that it would be a bench win for side opposition or if worse came to worst, they would rank 3rd. But unfortunately, the adjudicators thought otherwise and gave the bench win to side government comprising of one of the Shah Alam teams (I can't recall 1, 2 or 3) on the opening government and UiTM Sarawak on the closing house of the government. Whatever it is, Fina and Noel we are still very proud that you carried KBM to the finals. Bringing the trophy home would have been the cherry and whip cream on the cake but I thought you guys did a great job nevertheless. *Hugs*

During the holidays, debating was one of the things that I missed most and being part of this tournament gave me an invaluable experience. Being a late bloomer in the debating scene, I've only had the opportunity of competing and emerging champion in small tournaments. VC Cup is like, huge! And compared to a lot of the other speakers, I realised I have so much more to improve not only on my matter but also my delivery and style. Most of the adjudicators were really helpful and I had a great opportunity to meet and mingle with some really talented and amazing speakers.

On another note, results for the final examination came out on the 10th, finally after what felt like ages. Alhamdulillah, I did exceptionally well last semester. If only I performed as well in each and every semester before last. I seem to always perform best in my final semester. I wonder why. It was the same in my final semester doing diploma when I graduated with my only Dean's List award and now I'll be completing my Bachelor's Degree in Accountancy with a Dean's List as well. Yay me!!! Owh, the official result of my GPA is 3.93. All A's but Financial Accounting Theory (FAR 600) as expected.

Hear, hear!

Be nice to your parents and siblings. You might need them when you're unemployed and broke.

2009-12-03T18:11:00.005+08:00

Being unemployed is really not fun. Throughout my last semester of studies, I've been waiting for this moment. I was looking forward to getting over and done with final examinations so I can spend precious time lazing at home or out and about with my girlfriends. But now that it's here, I'm not enjoying it. Lazing around and being a bum is really really really overrated, it's not even funny. I mean, how long can u stand just watching TV all day? There are only so many DVDs you can watch. Facebook-ing gets really old after an hour or so. Forget about sleeping through the day. I get a headache if I sleep for an extra 3 hours in the morning. And don't even think about painting the town red with your girlfriends because you're unemployed and that means you're broke. I mean seriously broke. So besides helping your mom clean the house if you don't already have a maid doing that for her - and I'm sure if you do have a maid you wouldn't be facing financial problems then - you're left with literally nothing to do.

I am disappointed to inform all of you hopefuls out there (who were hoping I would buy you guys dinner once I get my first pay for my fabulous job at a fabulous corporate firm) that I have yet to receive any calls from any fabulous corporate firms regarding any fabulous jobs they could offer me. So here I am, updating and re-updating my resume and curriculum vitae on Jobstreet in high hopes of getting a match from prospective employers. I've applied to so many firms, I don't even remember how many and I might have even applied more than once to some. But still, no news I hear from them. I was okay with it in the first week but it gets really frustrating after a while. You know how when people tell you you have so much potential and you wouldn't have a problem securing a job once you graduate and you believe them because they have all the credibility to say all those things and then you graduate and then it never happens and you think you're going to end up unemployed and poor for the rest of your life? Well, that is the exact situation I'm in now. I'm beginning to doubt myself, my capabilities and skills and think that I might not be competitive enough to join the rat race. Now I'm seriously worried.

So I've had my resume on Jobstreet for a while now and they offered me to take an English Language Assessment to see if my level of proficiency in the language would qualify me to attract potential employers into hiring me. So I did it. It had 40 questions, 10 each for vocabulary, grammar, comprehension and conversational. I had 20 minutes to complete it. I did in 8 minutes and got 38 marks out of 40. Maybe if I had spent 19 minutes I would have gotten higher marks. With my results, they had a comparison with other candidates who had taken the test as well and imagine my surprise when I found out that my 38/40 marks was:

higher than 88% of all test takers
higher than 88% of test takers from Malaysia
higher than 87% of test takers from Malaysia who are with Bachelor's Degree certification
higher than 88% of test takers from Malaysia who studied Finance/Accountancy/Banking
higher than 90% of test takers who graduated in Malaysia
higher than 87% of test takers from Kuala Lumpur

Proof, just in case you thought I was bragging and lying

Are you kidding me people? It's that bad? And the questions are not even that hard. It's like, form 3 level. Even our MUET test questions are more difficult. I think somebody should do something about this and do it fast.

Somebody hire me already.

Edit: When I said "Are you kidding me people? It's that bad? And the questions are not even that hard. It's like, form 3 level. Even our MUET test questions are more difficult. I think somebody should do something about this and do it fast." I wasn't talking about my results. I mean, 38/40 is fine by me. What I meant was seriously. 88% of test takers got lower marks than 38 when the questions are not that difficult. What does that say about our graduates' proficiency in English then? IF 38/40 does not make me marketable, what about the other 88% of the test takers?

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

2009-12-02T13:01:00.003+08:00

It took me two years to get over the person I thought to be my first love. I was 17 and when we were together, I really believed it was going to be forever. But like all love stories of 17 year olds, it ended as quickly as it began. Our relationship lasted slightly over a year. When it was abruptly and harshly ended, I truly and naively believed that my life would end along with it. My heart had never been broken as such before. Back then, I did everything in my power to salvage my 'love' and our relationship. I cried tirelessly over the phone, questioning his reasons and begging him to rethink his decision. When all that failed, I decided that we would be the best of friends. We started out as friends and when we became an item, we shared everything with each other. He was practically my best friend. So why destroy the beautiful friendship we had spent so much time building when we could continue nurturing it, right?

Wrong.

My decision to stay friends immediately after the breakup proved to be one of the worst things that has ever come to my mind. I guess there was a reason why people part ways for awhile after a breakup after all. Our constant phone conversations, text messages and movie outings weren't helping me through the process of 'getting over' him at all - which was what I was supposed to do but because of my state of denial refused to do. The fact that I was always offended by his jerk-ish attitude (apparently friends aren't supposed to get offended if you're a jerk) wasn't helping with anything as well. I couldn't help but continue acting like his girlfriend when I was no longer. Realising that, I decided to cut it all off - the desperate "I need someone to talk to" phone calls, text messages and I even stopped seeing him.

It was difficult in the beginning. I had no idea how to fill my time because all of my waking hours before was spent doing things that involved him. I was lost and there were countless times when I felt like picking up the phone and dialing his numbers. It took all the strength I had to refrain myself from doing so. When I started Uni, things got a little easier. I was far away from all the things that reminded me of him and our time together, I had a new circle of friends who had no connection what-so-ever with him, I was meeting new people and my time was filled doing more productive things. After a while, I stopped talking about him and even stopped asking his friends what was up with him. Most importantly, I stopped hoping that somethings was going to spark again between the two of us. I was moving on.

Thinking back on that particular time and state I was in, I get a mixed feeling of anger and frustration, and pity. I'm angered and frustrated by the fact that I let a guy take so much control over such a large part of myself which resulted in me losing all that part of me when he just woke up one day and decided that he wasn't ready to be with me. I feel sorry for myself for allowing myself to act so pathetically, begging for something that I myself am now not sure of what it was.

People wonder, how could it be so difficult for someone to 'get over' a lost love? I don't know about you but I think those people who wonder, well they must have never lost love before. I don't think you are ever 'over' a lost love. You just learn to deal with not thinking about it. I totally understand why it's so hard to let go. When you share so much with a person throughout the duration of your relationship, so much time spent, how can you just forget them overnight? Even if the relationship ended badly, there is always the sweet memories that you would be reminded of, making 'letting go' and 'getting over' that much harder. No matter how much you were hurt throughout the relationship or during the breakup, no matter how much profanity you use to describe that other person, these memories - memories of the great times you had - will always somehow make it almost impossible.

People may tell you, "Move on. He was an ass. Life is short. Just get over him and get on with life." Yes. It is in fact easy to speak these words. But tell me, is it possible for you to hate someone you love? You understand that people around you say that as an effort to make you fell better about the whole situation. They were merely helping. Yes, you get that. But then again, love is not a faucet, a tap that you can turn on and off anytime you feel like it. No. It's much more complicated than that. It's so complicated and subjective that no one has ever succeeded in expressing exactly what it is in words. Not even Shakespeare. It's just impossible for you to love a person one day and hate him the next. No matter how much people around you tell you that you should and no matter how much you yourself know that you should, you just can't. It takes time. And even then, you might not end up 'getting over' him. You might just end up believing that if the is any possible consolation in the tragedy of losing someone you love very much, it is the necessary hope that perhaps it was for the best. So you move on. But somehow, another part of you believe that if it was meant to be - and you don't know for sure that it's not - he would come running back into your open, forgiving arms. Sooner or later, it might just happen. So with that hope, you cling on, just a little bit more.

I totally get it.

My swollen eyes and runny nose are evidence.

Balik Kampung, Jom!

2009-09-19T16:40:00.002+08:00

Dear friends/fellow bloggers/readers.

I'll be heading back to Abah's hometown in Pekan Pahang this afternoon. It's been a year since we were back. It has also been a year since Abah's accident last Aidilfitri. Alhamdulillah he is much better now.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish all of you Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri/ Eid Mubarak. May all of you have a blessed, happy and meaningful Aidilfitri.

p.s: Don't forget to catch Sri Talamaz in Perang Rendang Lagi, first of Aidilfitri, 6.30 p.m on TV9.

I am not a time traveller.

2009-09-19T15:43:00.002+08:00

I was getting ready to go out shopping yesterday when I walked past a photo of my late grandmother, Mak Tok. The photo has been tacked to the notice board in my room for quite awhile now but I never really took notice of it. last night however, I suddenly stopped in my steps and stared hard at the photo and all of a sudden tears started running down my face. It has been 8 years since Mak Tok's passing. In the early years, she would appear in my dreams, asking me to follow her somewhere. Sometimes I would think of her, how she was with us, the way she spoke and the thing that I - all of us actually - miss most about her is her cooking. When she died, my cousins and I regretted not learning how to cook from her most.

As the years pass, as I grow older and as life gets busier, the memory of her began to fade away along with the passed time. What saddened me last night was the fact that I could no longer remember what Mak Tok was like. Sure, I remember what she looked like but I can no longer recall what her voice sounded like, how she laughed, what her hugs felt like. I couldn't remember how she was with us and as I stared at the photo, I tried hard to imagine what it would be like if she was still alive but couldn't. I couldn't imagine because I no longer remember.

I miss Mak Tok so much. There are times when I wish she was still alive to see all of us, what we have become. I wish I could have the memory back.

I wish I could turn back time.

We define handicapped as being deprived of technology. Hear, hear.

2009-09-17T02:23:00.006+08:00

*dust*dust*dust*dust*dust*

Oh my, oh my, oh my. It feels like its been forever since I last updated jehaniskandar.blogspot.com and to some who know me well, not updating is something really, really, really unlike myself. Even my Abah was worried. He text me a few days back asking why I have not been updating my blog for a while now. He was worried I had joined the league of Alebubumbu. That was funny.

People were starting to think I've lost interest in blogging. Worry not my friends for I am still very much keen in blogging. It's just that most of the time, the circumstances I'm in prohibit me from doing so. I get the urge to blog, every single day. But after weeks of restraining those urges due to certain constraints, I somehow got used to it and after a while, the urge doesn't bother me anymore. The thing is, I have been busy this semester - with quizzes, tests, loads of assignments, and of course the occasional ronggeng sessions. Occasional okay. We final semester students spend more time with our heads buried deep inside books and assignments rather than going out for movies. I swear!

Why do I see people nodding their heads with a sarcastic look on their faces, saying "Yeah, right"?

Anyways, try adding the fact that I am deprived of proper internet connection when in Malacca to my busy schedule and you will get Jehan who doesn't blog so often anymore. To tell you the truth, I have no idea why when we first moved into our home in Malacca we decided that Astro was more important that wiring the house with an internet connection. I seriously have no idea why. Especially now when the implications of that decision is taking a toll on my life as a student. But its too late for any ratifications anyways. Our final semester is finally coming to an end. So, I'll just have to live with the fact that I can't blog as much as I'd like to and that I could only tweet and Facebook through mobile internet - speaking of which En. Bintang Bolasepak will kill me for when he sees this month's telephone bill - for a couple more months.

I also cannot comprehend why UiTM feels the need to block Facebook on computers in its network. How does blocking students from socializing through Facebook on campus help you with anything? Anyone care to explain and defend UiTM in this? Plus, if you planned to provide us with connections that take 30 minutes to load a page then you might as well just not. I'm not ungrateful, I just don't see the point. Who benefits from this?

Anyways, this is looooooooooooooooooong overdue. I'm sorry for leaving my readers so behind. So people, guess what I've been up to lately? Well, you'll never guess. Those of you who knew me in school would know that this is not something I would do in the past. I am now a debater ladies and gentlemen. Well, a beginner debater so to say. Quite a few people have persuaded me to debate in the past but I was always coming up with excuses not to. But recently, I was forced by my course advisor to be part of the team representing team BACC 1 for UiTM Bandaraya Melaka's Independence Cup Debate Championship (ICDC).

It could be counted as a novice championship, for fellow beginners like me. I was skeptical in the beginning, intimidated and inconfident to join for fear of the other competitors. But once I took part, I found the experience to be really fun and exciting. I got to unearth a talent in debating that I apparently have but wasn't aware of. I dare tell you that I wasn't so bad. I ranked 6th among the top 10 best speakers. Not bad at all huh? I got to make a lot of new acquaintances, got to know individuals I was intrigued by before. I also learnt that smoking is prohibited in stadiums. Then why are they littered with cigarette boxes, ashes and butts you ask? My point exactly.

All in all, I'd say it was a priceless experience. And we won the championship! Go team BACC 1!!! We were disappointed however that we didn't get to keep the trophy longer than 45 minutes. It would have been nice to share it with fellow coursemates.

So now I'm kinda hooked on debating. Although I still get intimidated by the other senior debaters because I can sometimes think like a bimbo and they seem to know a lot, and I mean A LOT, I still want to do it. I joined KBM's debate unit and will be representing the campus in a few upcoming tournaments, for as long as I'm still a student there. The campus director actually offered his permission if I was interested in extending my studies in UiTM KBM, which made me laugh. I told him it's about time I graduate. One of the judges at ICDC told me that I had huge potential and should consider brushing up my talents and continue debating in the future. I was so overwhelmed by his respond I wanted to hug him. Haha.

Here are some pictures from the tournament. More on my Facebook page.

Team BACC 1 - Oms, Addy and myself. FTW!!!

30 minutes prep session. we're not normally this serious.

Presenting my points and trying my hardest to convince the adjudicator and sticking to the 7 minutes time limit. When you're a debater, 7 minutes is a blink of an eye.

The motion for the finals which we won.

Team BACC 1 with team BAS 1 (students of Bachelor of Administrative Sciences who were ignorant enough not to know what BACC stands for) the runner-ups.

Team BACC 1 with the overall best speaker from BACC 2 with our trophies.

For the win!!!

I'm Jehan and loving it! Dan kami bahagia, sila jangan dengki.

2009-08-01T14:04:00.003+08:00

I sebenarnya tak faham dengan orang yang nak sengaja memburuk-burukkan I dengan cerita-cerita yang tak masuk akal. Seriously. Kalau dah nak sangat buat cerita pasal seseorang yang you dengki sangat kan, buat lah cerita logik yang orang lain akan percaya dan kata, "Yeah, Jehan memang ada potensi tinggi untuk melakukan perkara itu." Janganlah buat cerita yang mengarut-ngarut yang make people say, "As if!" dan akhirnya memalukan diri you sendiri sebab terang-terang you buat cerita dongeng.

I juga tak faham dengan orang-orang yang tak senang duduk bila tengok orang lain bahagia. What is your problem? Mungkin kekasih hati you agak selekeh, kaki bangku, belum bekerja dan vertically challenged. But that doesn't mean you have to be jealous of me yang berjaya menawan hati En. Bintang Bolasepak Berkaki Emas yang tinggi, comel, hebat bermain bola sepak dan futsal, manis, serta berkulit licin walaupun tak berapa nak cerah. You should be thankful for what you have. You dah ada kekasih hati pun kira bagus kan? Jadi tak payah lah nak reka cerita macam-macam lepas tu sebarkannya merata-rata sampai ke pengetahuan En. Bintang Bolasepak Berkaki Emas.

Bila dia ceritakan kisah itu pada I pagi tadi, cerita yang "tak berapa nak best" in his words, I cried. Memang I nangis gila-gila sebab I macam tak percaya orang boleh sangat nasty towards I. I mean, I know there are nasty people out there tapi I tak sangka pulak I akan menjadi mangsa salah seorang daripada mereka. Tapi sambil I nangis teresak-esak sampai hidung dah merah and gatal, I terfikir macam kelakar pun ada cerita yang mereka jaja tu. I hampir tergelak sendiri. Kemudian I beritahu diri I yang I tahu cerita tu semua tak benar. Tak ada orang pun yang tahu what really happens in our relationship except for En. Bintang Bolasepak Berkaki Emas and I. Jadi buat apa I nak peduli atau kisah apa orang kata. I tahu cerita tu tak benar. Lantaklah orang lain nak fikir apa. In the end, mereka yang risau sangat pasal I. I tak rugi apa-apa pun.

On another note, I faham kenapa orang yang duduk banglo 3 tingkat ada 4 orang gaji. Sebabnya adalah kerana setiap seorang akan dipertanggungjawabkan untuk menguruskan satu tingkat sebab anda tahukah betapa letihnya membersihkan rumah yang besar? I yang duduk rumah teres ni pun dah terkangkang. Bayangkan mereka yang bertanggungjawab membersihkan sebuah rumah banglo. Peluh macam lari half marathon. By the time I habis sapu dan mop bilik mama dan abah, ruangan menonton TV dan bilik I, I dah pancit. Ini juga menunjukkan betapa tidak fitnya I sebab baru mop satu tingkat pun pancit. Belum lagi lari half marathon. Hahaha

Ye, I memang boleh jadi rajin when I want to.

Owh, orang gaji lagi satu tu untuk memasak lah. Apa lagi.

Sex? Get educated first.

2009-07-28T12:55:00.013+08:00

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to have your whole life as you know it crumble right before your eyes? To have all your future plans put on hold to give way to something you had not plan to happen?

You do know how it feels, you say?

Owh, you almost ended your life the last time your boyfriend broke up with you? It felt like the end of the world when you failed your FAR 400 yet again and had to repeat it for the third time? You lost your phone and your social life was halted for almost a week?

Wow, what disasters. They were all catastrophes.

But then again, what are all that compared to being strapped with a baby out of wedlock at the age of 23?

When I found out that a friend of mine was pregnant with a child (not with emotions), my heart skipped a beat. Literally. I wanted to be there for her but at the same time, I did not know what to say to make her feel better. Everything that went through my mind sounded off and wrong and offensive. I had never before been in a situation where one of your friends calls you up and says, "Hey, guess what? You're going to be an aunt," when you know well enough that she is unmarried and had only been with her current boyfriend for about a year or so. So yes, you could say that I was shocked. What if I accidently say something stupid or ask unnecessary or offensive questions? I am afterall, known for not thinking before I speak.

When we decided to go see her at the hospital, I was really nervous. I was scared of how I might react. How she might react. What if I was disgusted by the baby? I know I want to be there for her. I know that I should be there for her through this trying time in her life, as her friend. But sometimes, our feelings and actions could act adversely against each other. It happens all the time. Would she cry seeing all of us there? She had afterall keep the pregnancy a secret from us. Most of us only found out about it a few minutes after she went into labour. Those of us who had known about it was shocked to find out that she was aleady 9 months through the pregnancy. She had kept the pregnancy a secret from the world. Her own mother only found out about it the night she gave birth and that was only because the hospital wouldn't discharge her without one of their parents signing the consent letter.

Thanfully, everything went well. The baby was a doll and all I wanted to do the whole time I was there was to hold her in my arms. If you had seen me then, you would agree with me and say that I am a natural infant holder. Haha. I did not say anything stupid. Neither did I have to ask any unnecessary or offensive questions. She was there and prepared to tell us everything. She told us that when they did it, she didn't think it would 'stick'. Well, we can see where THAT mentality got her.

The thing is, my friend is a really bright girl. She is smart, no doubt about it. That is why I was shocked to find out that she had done something as stupid as getting herself pregnant out of wedlock. There's nothing anyone can do about it now. She made a mistake. All we can do is hope that she had learnt something from that mistake and repent.

She had a lot going on for her. She was clever, caught up real fast in class, scored slightly above average in exams and had acceptable communication skills. She was pretty, kind and well liked. She was fun to be around. We all thought she had a really bright future ahead of her. Then this happened and now here she is, renting a room at the back of an office on the second floor of a shop-house. Yes, she could continue her studies later, when the baby is bigger. But somehow, the possibilities of that seem really unlikely now. I'm not trying to put her down or anything like that but having a boyfriend who can't even manage to keep a steady job for more than a month, it is in my opinion that she will be the one who will be working hard to fend for her child. She will be the one looking for jobs so that she could support her little family while her boyfriend goes about doing whatever it is he does. Knowing her, she will be the one striving to make a living. And after all that, who knows if she'd have any interst left in studying? I really hope that boyfriend of hers realises that he is now a father and pulls his act together.

Girls, I'm begging you to please please please please please please think thoroughly and carefully before giving in to your boyfriends' pleas for sex. Remember that sex is not all fun and games. It comes with huge responsibilities and you'll have to face the consequences from acting irresponsibily, whether you want to or not. Guys have it easy. Us girls don't. When something like this happens, you want your partner and yourself to both be responsible enough and prepared to take on the roles as parents. Of course giving up the baby for adoption is an option but could you live with the guilt of it haunting you your whole life? If you really can't curb your lusts for each other any longer, please practice safe and responsible sex. I don't know for sure but I don't think a packet or two of rubber cost much nowadays and they are easily accessible. If you don't want to use a condom, there are other forms and methods of contraception available for you. Look them up and choose one that fits and serves you best.

Remember that you have a right and a say too. It is your body. You don't have to simply agree with whatever he asks of you just to prove that you love him. If he really loves you, he would respect you and would not ask of you things that make you uncomfortable. Think carefully before making any decisions and doing anything stupid.

Call me conservative or say whatever you want but I do think that involving yourself in pre-marital sex and getting yourself pregnant, forcing you to give up your studies and whole life and lying to people around you and ending up renting a roon at the back of an office on the second floor of a shophouse in a dingy part of town with your newborn baby, is a stupid thing to do.

No offense.

Author's note: For more information on contraceptives, visit www.your-life.com

Tolong jangan diskriminasi terhadap orang gemuk, hitam dan banyak bulu.

2009-07-26T10:12:00.004+08:00

Gambar-gambar di atas adalah gambar-gambar, "Okay, traffic light merah. Cepat, cepat, cepat ambik gambar," semasa kali terakhir keluar lepak dengan rakan susah bersama senang lain-lain, Mr. Murdock. Well, if picking me up at home, and sitting at Mc Donalds for 20 minutes can be considered as lepak.

Kisah perjalanan persahabatan I dengan rakan ini sangat panjang dan complicated. Different background, different interests, not much in common really but we connected as friends and I sangat sayangkan dia ni sebab I boleh berkata apa saja pada dia dan merajuk lapan juta kali pun tak kisah sebab I tahu in the end, I'd still have him.

Dia belajar di Sarawak. Tu dah layak dipanggil overseas sebab kekerapan dia pulang ke Semenanjung serupa dengan rakan-rakan yang belajar di Australia. Malah ada juga rakan-rakan yang belajar di Australia pulang ke Semenanjung lebih kerap dari dia. Sebelum dia pulang ke sini hari tu, I ada berborak dengannya di talian telefon. Dia kata dengan I, "Jay, nanti I balik kita gi tengok movie and lepak. Kita gi dating, just the two of us. Okay?" I pun kata lah okay sebab selalu kalau lepak ramai-ramai denagn kawan-kawan dia yang lain, I tak reti. I rasa janggal. I know them all, but somehow they never fail to make me feel out of place when we hang. So in the end, there are only a few people from that group yang I don't mind hanging with. So everytime si Madhavan wannabe ni ajak lepak, I akan warning awal-awal untuk tidak membawa segerombolan konco-konconya. Tapi most of the time I kena tipu.

Mana ada I anti-social. We just don't click lah. Macam kalau I lepak ramai-ramia dengan kawan-kawannya yang memang sejak azali ramai tu, mesti banyak cengkerik ikut I dan membuat pementasan konsert tahunan sekolah.

Anyways, so kita dah janji nak pergi dating when he gets back. I pun apa lagi, tunggulah dengan girang. Kebetulan I baru habis praktikal and tengah cuti. So memang sesuai lah timing dia nak ajak lepak dan berfoya-foya bersuka ria. Tapi seperti biasa. Masa berlalu dan zaman berubah tapi untuk manusia berubah, agak susah kan? Kami tak berjumpa pun sepanjang bulan tu. I pun tak tahu kenapa. I siap bagi mesej emo kepadanya yang berbunyi lebih kurang macam, "...I sedar who I am in your life. I'm just something from your past...bla bla bla." I pun tak ingat apa I tulis tapi memang sangat pathetic dan kesian. Hahaha. Dia pun dah biasa dapat mesej emo dari I so dia tak respon.

Tiba-tiba, 6 days before he was scheduled to leave for Sarawak, dia ajak I lepak. Terkejut I dan hampir pengsan. Tapi masa tu kami berdua tak begitu sihat. Dia dengan demam panasnya dan I dengan minor swine flu scare. It was decided that he would send me to the LRT station the next day instead.

Kalau you perhatikan betul-betul, you akan setuju dengan I bila I kata rupanya saling tak tumpah macam Madhavan, hero filem tamil. Dia selalu cakap dengan I dia tak ada girlfriend sebab dia gemuk, hitam dan banyak bulu. I suruh dia cukur buang bulunya yang banyak tu.

Dia selalu kurang keyakinan akibat bulunya tu.

Dah mamak pure, nak buat macam mana lagi weyh? It comes with the package.

Hahaha.

Despite all the teasing and sulking and annoying behaviours, I will be missing you dearly.

Untill next last minute catch up session.

Of changes and another new beginning

2009-07-18T14:51:00.005+08:00

I wonder, who was the genius who came up with the "unspoken rule" of Best Friends Forever, that you are supposed to hate the girl whom your best friend's ex-boyfriend cheated on her with.

Jadi, akhirnya I dapat tengok keadaan rumah baru yang telah dikemas dan dihias indah tanpa bantuan I sebab I dah balik Melaka masa tu. Rumah ni besar nak mati okay. Sampai semput I menyapu satu rumah. Terpaksa berehat sebentar sebelum meneruskan usaha mop lantai pula. Yes rakan-rakan. FYI, I dah berpindah. I tak lagi tinggal di tempat paling congested tapi convenient di Damansara. Sekarang I tinggal di tempat yang tak beberapa congested tetapi tak happening langsung di Damansara. Kami berpindah untuk memudahkan Mama pergi dan balik dari Talamaz tanpa membayar tol lebih RM80 sebulan dan petrol lebih RM50 sehari (kesimpulannya korang patut dah dapat teka bahawa I berpindah berhampiran dengan Sri Talamaz.

I bukan tak suka dengan rumah ni. I suka. Cuma, it'll take some time for me to adjust to the fact that Giant, Tesco, IKEA, The Curve, e @ The Curve and 1 Utama is no longer just around the corner. Sekarang I terpaksa menempuh tol RM1.60 untuk ke tempat-tempat tersebut. I also have to get used to the fact that di sini tak banyak tempat makan yang enak-enak dan menarik dan happening seperti di Kota Damansara.

I rindu Kota Damansara.

I love my room though. It's much bigger than my old one. Banyak space to breathe. Now I can have sleepovers as well. Yay! It also has a large window and I have a view! Walaupun cuma pemandangan backyard neighbour belakang dan bilik anaknya di atas dan juga pemandangan jalan raya (rumah I corner lot), I tetap gembira sebab ada pemandangan dan banyak banyak banyak natural light.

Oooowh! I know. Let me take you on a tour around my new house! Yay!!!

So this is the living room. I actually took it's picture from a lot of different angles tapi blogger macam terlalu slow nak upload. I malas nak tunggu.

This is one of my favourite part of the house. I ada my own reading corner. I love love love! Boleh membaca sampai lebam tanpa menghiraukan orang lain.

And this is my room. None of my friends have seen my old room so mesti korang tak dapat nak compare tapi I'm telling you that it's bigger. Besides, I don't think my cikai camera phone did justice to the room. It's a lot bigger than it looks here.

Okay! Dah habis tour. Jangan salahkan I. Salahkan blogger yang taknak upload gambar-gambar I.

Berita baik untuk orang-orang gemuk seperti I, unlike rumah I yang lama, rumah baru ni double storey. Maka dengan itu, jelaslah bahawa ia ada tangga!!! Jadi I bolehlah bersenam dengan tidak sengaja dan di luar sedar. Tambahan pula, depan rumah ada padang. Hahaha. Kalau tak keluar bersenam juga, tak tahulah nak kata apa lagi mengenai tahap kemalasan rakyat Malaysia.

Daaaan, kepada yang tertanya-tanya, I tak kena kuarantin pun okay. Sebab yang tutup kampus Lendu, bukan kampus Bandaraya sebab Kampus Bandaraya baru 13 orang kena jangkitan. Kampus Lendu dah 60 lebih suspected. Esok nak pulang ke Melaka Bandaraya Bersejarah semula walaupun Abah hampir meyakinkan I untuk kuarantinkan diri sendiri di rumah sebab housemate merangkap roommate I demam batuk dan selsema dan virus selsema babi semakin menggila di Melaka.

Wash your hands and drink plenty of water.

I was thinking

2009-07-16T12:50:00.004+08:00

What does it say about a relationship if when you ask the girlfriend about her boyfriend, she says she has none?

I am socially responsible.

2009-07-16T11:46:00.003+08:00

Did you hear? Of course you heard because all of you are well-informed, knowledgeable citizens of Malaysia who read all the time and watch the news without fail every single day. Right?

Four confirmed cases of the Influenza A(H1N1) in UiTM Lendu, where I used to study. Four confirmed cases and 60 students have been quarantined for suspected infection. The campus is still open, no worries. I also heard news that apparently there are 2 confirmed cases in UiTM KBM, which is where I am currently studying. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am now officially more exposed to the virus than before. The campus is still open and classes are going on as usual. No worries.

I read in the newspapers the yesterday about the World Health Organisation (WHO) declaring the virus as unstoppable and giving the green light to drug manufacturers to produce mass volumes of its vaccine.

It is unstoppable.

But yet, with 4 confirmed and 60 suspected cases in Lendu and two more confirmed right here in KBM, no extreme measures are being taken to at least curb the virus from spreading further.

Here is why I think more drastic measures should be taken in KBM to curb the virus from spreading:

KBM is a really small campus, comprising of only a single 16 floor building. We have 4 elevators, all of which are awfully crowded during peak times which is almost all the time, risking a higher chance of infection.
One of the precautions underlined by the Health Ministry is to avoid crowded public places. Imagine a crowded public elevator.

Actually, those are the only reasons I could think of now. Haha. But it explains right? I mean, even if only one of us in the lift is infected, without knowing or realizing and he/she sneezes or coughs, then the chances of the rest of us in the lift getting infected is like, huge.

Yes, they have put up banners on the signs and symptoms of infection and all but knowing the students, I don't think much awareness have been created about how serious the situation really is. They could at least, AT LEAST give out free masks to students as an encouragement for them to be more cautious of the unstoppable virus.

When I informed my Abah about the cases, he adviced me to skip classes and quarantine myself for a week. As a safety measure he says.

Mama asked me if they were closing down the campus. When I told her no, this was her reply:
"You are risking your life. What the hell? Nak tunggu 20 baru nak tutup ke?". I thought it was really cute of Mama to say what the hell.

So guys, because I care about all of you so much, here are some precautions or safety measures you can practice.

Practice personal hygiene. Always wash your hands. Better if you could sanitise them. A small bottle of sanitiser only costs about RM3. It's feasible.
Do not be shy to wear a protective mask just because people look at you strange and laugh. They are the ones risking infection. Tip: If you want to look more hip and happening and not boring, you can decorate your masks with drawings and stuff like what Kak Yana did to hers. Cool okay.
If you feel queesy on uneasy, immediately see a Doctor. You know the changes to your body. It is your body. Don't feel dumb for seeing the Doctor over "just a sore throat". It could be serious. Don't take fevers lightly either. They could be fatal. See a doctor!
Avoid crowded and public places. The risk of infection is higher when you are widely exposed to it.
And people, if you have the flu please please please please a gazillion pleases do not sneeze or cough all over the place. Use a tissue. Not only is it unhygienic, it's also disgusting. And an immediate turn off. Seriously.

Take care of yourselves and remember, prevention is better than cure.

Ingin kelihatan ramping?

2009-07-16T11:21:00.002+08:00

Hello Cyber People!!! Greetings Cyber World!!! I am finally back. Oh, how I have missed all of you so.

As I have informed all of you dear readers earlier, I am back in Malacca y'all! Dan as ketinggalan zaman and tak maju as it sounds, yes I admit that I have very limited access to the internet. No, I no longer live in the once rural Lendu. I live in town but somehow the 'wireless Melaka' connection tak sampai ke rumah I. And given the fact that I'm at home most of the time thanks to my stress free class schedule, I'm almost completely deprived from an internet connection. Almost I say, unless I can find the mood to leave home early before class so that I can steal an hour of online time or if I decide to stay back awhile after class, like today and spend some time at the cyber cafe like what I'm doing now.

Here I go. Watch me babble.

Ye, I tahu memang sekarang merata-rata bleh beli broadband dengan harga yang murah dan berpatutan. Sangat mudah untuk didapati, even di tepi-tepi jalan dan di parking Tesco. Tapi I tak tahu kenapa somehow kami tak teruja sangat untuk melanggan walaupun rata-rata satu rumah boleh mati sebab tak dapat check Facebook selama seminggu. Mungkin sebab expenses kami dah banyak sangat kot. Rent lagi, bila api air astro. Duit poket bulan-bulan bukannya banyak pun. Furthermore, we think that we won't be using it too much so it would be a waste la kan. Rasionalnya kalau nak guna internet untuk buat assignments, boleh pergi cyber cafe. Lagipun, tak cukup dengan Astro ke dekat rumah untuk melaghakan kami? Kalau boleh online, confirm semua terpesong ke arah keburukan dan mempengaruhi rakan-rakan sebaya untuk pesong sama.

Maka dengan itu, I terpaksa la tunggu mood untuk pergi ke CC ataupun tunggu balik rumah di hujung minggu, which is not going to happen very often this semester akibat masalah transportasi dan kemalasan menaiki bas. Yes, semester ni kalau I nak pulang ke Kampung Halaman ku Kuala Lumpur yang indah I terpaksa menaiki bas kalau nak sampai ke Kuala Lumpur terus. Kalau tak I kena tumpang Anna yang dah berpindah sementara waktu ke Seremban dan kemudian menaiki komuter ke Kepong yang menurut sumber-sumber yang boleh dipercayai mengambil masa paling kurang 2 jam. Penat kot! Kalau tumpang Ayuyuyuyuyu boleh jugak tapi terpaksa turun di Serdang sebab itulah stesen komuter paling dekat dengan Putrajaya tapi sumpah lepas pengalaman lalu, I tak nak turun kat Serdang lagi. I pun tak tahu masa tu I berada di negara jiran atau negara sendiri. And somehow in Serdang, I get so self conscious and worried and paranoid sampai jalan sambil memeluk beg ke tubuh dengan ketat. The last time I was there, I was approached by an addict asking me for money. I totally freaked, I tell you. Pasal naik bas... I dah tua. I dah tak larat nak naik bas selama 2 jam kemudian naik LRT ke KL Sentral dan kemudian naik komuter ke Kepong. Setelah seharian mengharungi kuliah, I rasa mungkin I tak berdaya untuk melakukannya.

Don't miss me too much.

2009-07-16T11:15:00.002+08:00

No one lights a lamp in order to hide it behind the door; the purpose of light is to create more light, to open people's eyes, to reveal the marvels around.

No one sacrifices the most important thing she possesses; love.

No one places her dreams in the hands of those who might destroy them.

- Paulo Coelho, The Witch of Portobello

Jangan fikir I ditimpa kecelakaan.

2009-07-07T08:28:00.002+08:00

Cuba teka I di mana sekarang ni. Cuba...cubalah...takpa. Kalau salah tak mendatangkan effect apa-apa pun pada diri you...tekalah.

I di Melaka Bandaraya Bersejarah!

YAY!!!

Jadi jangan hairan kalau blog ni sunyi sepi untuk beberapa ketika sebab rumah I tak ada Wi-Fi signal mahupun dial-up internet connection dan cyber cafe di sini pun susah nak dapat tempat sebab ramai sangat orang dan panas dan all that.

I akan update bila I balik ke Kuala Lumpur nan indah.

Wish me the best for the new semester people.

No more surprises for now.

2009-06-29T17:28:00.004+08:00

Siapa dalam dunia ni yang tak sukakan kejutan? Eh, ada tau. I pernah kenal orang yang tak sukakan kejutan. Like, kalau orang buat majlis harijadi kejutan untuk dia, dia akan terkejut sekejap je lepas tu dia jadi baran. Sebab dia tak suka things yang unexpected. Dia sukakan kehidupan dia lancar, teratur dan semua kena ikut plan. Tak boleh lari dari plan. Jadi tak boleh ada kejutan. I bukanlah orang macam tu. In fact, I sangat gemarkan kejutan terutamanya kalau dalam bentuk majlis harijadi terkejut atau surprise birthday party. In fact I pernah suruh orang organisekan majlis harijadi secara kejutan untuk I kemudian I pura-pura terkejut dengan kejutan tersebut.

I memang merepek dan gelabah sikit kadang-kadang.

Semalam merupakan hari yang penuh dengan kejutan-kejutan. Mungkin anda semua ingat I excited dan suka kan sebab hari yang penuh dengan kejutan dan I sukakan kejutan tapi anda semua telah tersalah ingat. Sebab semalam hari yang penuh dengan kejutan yang tak best.

Semalam I balik Melaka, hantar barang I yang berlambak-lambak. Kenapa hantar barang awal you tanya? Sebab, I balik Melaka tumpang orang. Kereta orang tu tak muat nak letak barang-barang I yang berlambak-lambak. Jadi I hantar lah barang dulu. Then, next week I balik dengan orang yang I nak tumpang tu.

I balik Melaka dengan adik I Rockstar. The plan was that I would send Rockstar back to Nilai afterwards. So kami pun dengan gembiranya memandu membelah keheningan lebuhraya. Ok, pada hakikatnya takdalah hening sangat sebab waktu kami gerak tu dah dekat pukul 11 pagi dan kenderaan memang dah bnyak dekat lebuhraya. Kami tiba di Melaka lebih kurang jam 1.30 tengahari.

Memandangkan kami serumah semua praktikal sem lepas, kami telah sebulat suara menyewakan rumah kami dan barang-barang di dalamnya seperti meja belajar, TV, Astro, peti sejuk, washing machine, katil dan almari kepada juniors yang dikenali oleh salah seorang dari kami. Dengan cara ini, kami tak payah bayar sewa nak retain rumah tu selama 7 bulan dan kami juga dapat pastikan rumah dan barang-barang di dalamnya selamat sebab gagal dipecah masuk oleh perompak sebab rumah berpenghuni. The deal was, mereka (juniors) duduk satu sem dan kami akan masuk balik sem depan. Easy peasy. Tak ada masalah.

Or so we thought.

Oh, rumahku syurgaku.

I park betul-betul depan rumah. I pandang rumah, pintu semua tertutup rapat dan langsir juga tertutup seperti biasa kalau kami tinggalkan rumah. Alright, everything looked fine. Jadi I pun dengan excitednya siap berlari-lari anak sikit menuju ke pintu depan. Memang rumah kami ada pintu depan je. Tak ada pintu belakang. Atas porch (chey, chey, chey. Porch. Padahal simen sikit je depan tu) ada sebuah motosikal yang pada fikiran I milik Aunty Rabbit (jiran sebelah yang diberi nama manja Aunty Rabbit sebab dia tak ada anak tapi bela arnab dengan banyaknya dan bercakap dengan arnab-arnabnya itu seperti dia bercakap dengan manusia. Kalu depan rumah dia bersepah sebab orang atas baling puntung rokok, dia akan marah arnab-arnab dia. Kalau dia sedih sebab husband dia tengking dia, dia meratap dan menangis pada arnab-arnabnya). Jadi I buat tak tahu je dan terus menuju ke pintu. Depan pintu I perasan ada beberapa pasang flip-flop. I bersuara sambil tangan membuka mengga grill, "Ni apahal tinggal-tinggal selipar ni. Bukannya nak duduk sini lagi. Ni yang I panas ni." Rockstar membalas, "Selipar mahal tu. Apa lagi Jay, bawak balik la." Kemudian kami giggle-giggle.

Once I dah bukak grill, I unlocked the sliding door and tarik. Tapi dengan penuh kejutan, ada orang tolak balik sliding door tu dari dalam. I terkejut! Dalam hati I berkata, "Eh, apa hal ni?" I tak berputus asa dan cuba untuk tarik lagi. Sekali lagi usaha I dihalang dari dalam. I cuba untuk kali ketiga dan gagal sekali lagi. Tiba-tiba ada muka menjenguk keluar di antara dua side langsir. Dia pandang I dengan muka panik (I agak sambil menahan sliding door tu sebab bila I tarik lagi dia masih ketat) dan berkata sambil geleng kepala, "Akak jangan masuk kak. Jangan masuk." I marah lah. Apahal rumah I tak bagi I masuk? I kata, "Apa hal pulak tak boleh masuk?" sambil menarik sliding door lagi. Dia ulang, "Akak jangan masuk dulu. Akak jangan masuk." I dah mula suspicious. I tanya, "Kenapa pulak tak boleh masuk?" Dia jawab, "Ermmm...sebab saya pakai singlet." I balas sambil mata mengerling ke arah kakinya yang terkepit-kepit macam tahan kencing, "Hah. Pergi pakai elok-elok. I nak angkat barang." Dia pun kata, "Okay, tapi akak jangan masuk tau."

Maka Jehan Soraya dengan bodohnya pun tunggu kat kereta and tak masuk. Bodoh kan? Bila I fikir-fikir balik, I should have barged in je masa dia pergi tukar baju tu. Sedangkan I dah suspicious dah.

20 minit kemudian barulah dia keluar, dressed more decntly. I berdiri depan pintu sambil cekak pinggang. I dikejutkan sekali-lagi by the sight of two helmets on the floor. Betul lah tekaan I. I apa lagi, meletup la. "You bawak lelaki masuk rumah eh?" I terjerit weyh sebab tak berjaya menahan marah. Then minah ni boleh pulak berulang kali cakap dengan I suruh I jangan salah faham. Habis tu kalau you dah duduk dalam rumah pakai singlet dengan kain batik, pintu langsir semua tutup, buat apa lagi? I'm not supposed to salah faham ke?

Don't get me wrong. I memang conservative bab-bab ni. I mean, okay it's your own prerogative. If you don't feel that it's wrong and all then that's your opinion and I'm not going to be a busy body and preach for you to stop although it's my responsibility. I'm known to sometimes be not so responsible. You nak buat apa suka hati youlah tapi pleaselah, dekat rumah?And it's not even rumah you pun. Kalau rumah you lain cerita la sebab suka hati youlah nak buat apa pun. Tapi ni rumah I and I kisah okay! Tempat tu dah lah selalu kena raid dengan JAIM. Tak ke saja cari pasal. Kita orang duduk dekat situ dah lama okay tak pernah ada masalah. Kita orang pun pernah have guys over for dinners, parties and all that tapi bukak pintu luas-luas bagi satu dunia nampak so takde hal lah. Ni duduk dalam tu berdua lepas tu sibuk nak suruh I bertenang and jangan salah faham. WTF? Lepas tu nanti negative impression tu kena kat siapa? Kat kamilah sebab korang semua dah pindah pergi duduk tempat lain pulak kan.

Dia siap suruh I bertenang, "Akak duduk dulu kak. Akak jangan salah faham." I pun tak tahu berapa juta kali dia ulang ayat Akak jangan salah faham tu.

Okay so it was a bad beginning sebab that was the first time I jumpa dia kan. So tak pelah. Boyfriend dia pulak tiba-tiba muncul dari belakang. Ntah apa dia buat kat belakang tu. Boleh lagi dengan tak bersalahnya nak tunduk malu-malu depan I. Serious rasa nak pelangkung.

Bila I pusing-pusing rumah, Masya-Allah! We left the house in their hands a home. Clean and nice smelling and they are giving it back to us in a state worst than a sunken shipwreck. I am not exaggerating. The house stinks and the toilet walls were mildewy. The toilet seat was actually black. I apa lagi, started to scream my head off again. And this girl had the guts to menjawab and ajuk apa I cakap! Lagi la gua panas weyh. Sorryla. I like making new friends and all but she gave me a really really bad first impression and went straight to my hate list.

Lepas bagi warning suruh dia kemas rumah tu sampai dia jadi macam keadaan kita bagi dia dulu, Rockstar and I left for Nilai (where another surprise awaited me).

I malas lah nak type panjang-panjang. Jari I lenguh and dah panas badan sebab makan durian banyak sangat.

Jadi I pendekkan cerita, ada orang langgar I. Kelakar okay. He reversed (dengan penuh kelajuan) into my car which was parked behind his. Bila I dah nampak dia reverse dengan laju, I pun hon la dengan panjang. Tapi to my surprise, he kept on going dan tak stop. I teruslah hon sampai dia langgar kereta I. Dia kata dia dengar orang hon tapi dia tak tahu bunyi tu datang dari mana. Boleh tak macam tu? Sungguh tak aware sebagai driver. Lesen anda patut di tarik balik. Then I kata la kat dia, "Takkan you tak nampak I ada kat belakang you masa you reverse tu?" Dia kata, "Manalah I nampak. I tengah tengok side mirror." Boleh tak? I rasa orang ni memang tak layak ada lesen. Sejak bila kita reverse tengok side mirror je? Orang reverse tengok rear-view mirror lah. Sebab you reverse ke belakang. rear-view = pandangan belakang. Ada faham?

Kan best kalau Si Malang ada handphone.

There can be no other, baby.

2009-06-27T11:05:00.003+08:00

So yesterday I finally started cleaning up my room and packing away my things for the move. I couldn't believe how much of my things I threw away. That's one of the many things I hate about moving - when you have to get rid of things so you don't bring 'rubbish' with you to the new home. In other words, decluttering.

Decluttering never worked for me.

I took 5 hours to pack one box when my mother had packed more than 5 boxes and had cleared out most of the kitchen.

The thing about me is, I m a very sentimental person and therefore am attached to everything that has a sentimental value. My challenge came in the form of a shoebox in which I kept letters, cards, postcards for numerous ocassions given to me by my friends and family way back since I was 1 years old. I asked my Mama if I should throw them all away and she said, "Throw them all away. It's not like you're going to need it or use it in the future." So I set out to throw away the contents of the box, and started picking out cards and letters. While I was doing the throwing away, I was also re-reading the letters given to me (especially ones from Anne and Zata. I never realised that we used to write to each other a lot!). After re-reading a card, I would think to myself, "I might want to re-read this when I'm 40 and reminisce on the good times we had." I think that to myself after each and every letter and in the end I ended up digging the ones I've thrown into the garbage bag and keeping them safe in a plastic bag and into the box labelled "Jay's Room".

I even found the HUGE ass valentines card Bassist Terhebat Dalam Dunia gave me and guess what? It still sings! And did I throw that away, you may ask. Of course not. It went right into the box with the other cards and letters that survived. Sentimental value.

Don't get me started on old photos I came across because if I do then you'll never see the end of this post.

You know those little trinkets people give you for your birthdays or as door gifts at dinner and parties? Like candles, snowballs, mugs, tiny little mugs, keychains, chopsticks, dolls, figurines. I kept every single one I got throughout the years in a box. A big box at that, which was raring dust bunnies on top of my cupboard. There was a little voice in my head telling me to keep those things as a reminder of all the good times, to just dust off the box and re-label it as "Jay's Room" as well and stack it together with the boxes to keep. Fortunately, I was more resistant. They were easier to let go these trinkets as I decided that I do not need these tiny little things to remind me of the good times. I have tons of photographs for that. I also do not need them to take up much needed space in my room and collect dust there. So goodbye, I said.

I still have loads of things to pack up. I can't pack my clothes yet because I still need choices in my daily wear and I can't decide whether to throw away my old VCDs since no one ever uses them much anymore nowadays. Mama said I should sell them off but come on. I mean, who still owns a VCD player?

You know the feeling you get when you've settled somewhere for so long then suddenly you have to move and you dread the changes? Like all of the sudden the earth shifts beneath your feet and you wonder, what happens next? I hate that.

Mama says I exaggerate to much.

Girls aren't things. We have feelings. And no, I will not approve your friend request. You're blocked.

2009-06-25T18:34:00.004+08:00

According to www.itsnotok.org, rape, forced sexual acts, unwanted sexual touching, people making fun of your sexual ability, putting your body parts down, insisting you dress in a more sexual way than you are comfortable with, hickeys, sexual putdowns, manipulating you into having sex or participating in sexual acts that you are not comfortable with, cheating on you are all forms of sexual harassment.

In my opinion, men making crude comments about your body or how big your breasts are or calling you "Miss Busty" is also a form of sexual harassment. Well, unless you don't mind all the cat calling and comments on how hot your boobs are and are comfortable with all those "compliments", then it is sexual harassment.

Guys, I just want to remind all of you to please, please, please have some respect for us ladies. I mean, I know there are girls out there who may be pleased with the comments you make about their bodily appearances and who wouldn't mind all the cat callings and unnecessary attention on their tushies because that would only prove further how beautiful and desireable they are, but not all girls are like that.

I don't feel comfortable when strangers pass by me and say, "Hi," in a gatal way; I don't feel comfortable when I'm being honk at by people in cars when I'm walking down the street; I do not appreciate you "accidently" bumping me in the LRT when there is more than enough space for you to move around; I especially do not feel comfortable receiving comments about my body from strangers and absolutely not when a stranger calls me Miss Busty right to my face. Heck, I don't even feel comfortable when my close friends do it.

Imagine if things like these happen to someone YOU know. Be it your mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, girlfriend or your best friend. How do you think it would make them feel? How would YOU feel? I'm sure you'd go on full over-protective mode right? So why are you doing it to other girls then? You may think it gets you attention but most of them are bad attention. Why go through the trouble for people to judge you negatively? Let's just all be mature, civilised people and stop with the sexual harassments.

So, show some respect then maybe you'd get a reply to your countless messages.

Thank you.

Kenapa "Terima Kasih Daun Keladi"?

2009-06-22T21:22:00.007+08:00

Nampaknya today is your lucky day my dearest blog readers for I have been tagged (sila buat muka terkejut dan teruja dan tepuk tangan kuat-kuat sambil beraksi separa loncatan dan menjerit kecil tanda keterujaan yang melampau, terima kasih). First of all, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who read Ask Me How I am religously - walaupun semasa I macam kekurangan idea tapi gatal nak update blog jugak maka akhirnya I end up talking rubbish - and even all of you who drop by occasionally dan bernasib malang sebab tersinggah di hari I talk rubbish. A big thank you also goes out to those of you who are here for the first time. Don't be shocked by the amount of rubbish that comes out of my mind and makes its way into this blog.

Macamlah tak ada kesempatan lain untuk buat ucapan menyentuh hati ni kan?

Have I introduced you to my friend Kak Yana? Yes I have people. Kak Yana yang kahwin dengan seorang Sailorman (yang sikit pun tak ada macam Popeye) dan sedang berlayar mengelilingi benua. Yes, Kak Yana yang hidupnya "Mmmmm~~~ sedap". Well, kalau you orang rasa macam blog post kali ini menjengkelkan tahap alam, sila tunding jari ke arah Kak Yana. Jangan salahkan I sebab dia yang tag I. Disclaimer. Haha.

Okay! Let's get on with it!

1. Anda rasa anda hot?

- Oh yes, I'm sizzling hot. Psssst~~ Hehe. Walaupun I gemok dan tak supermodel thin, tapi I orang gemok yang hot. Semalam sewaktu berjalan-jalan di Petaling Street, tiba-tiba tangan I ditarik oleh En. Bintang Bolasepak Berkaki Emas. I yang tengah rambang mata tengok handbags pelbagai warna (bukan tertarik dengan Ah Chai jual handbag TODS kat situ) terkejut sebentar. I tanya, "Kenapa?" Kata En. Bintang Bolasepak Berkaki Emas, "Takde la, mamat tadi tengok Sayang sampai hampir nak terjatuh." Oh well, bukan salah I. I cuma lalu depan dia je. Dia yang leka memandang. Lagipun I tahu I hot sebab ada pagi-pagi di mana I terima SMS berbunyi, "Selamat Pagi Sayangku yang hot." Jadi ya, I rasa I hot berdasarkan testimoni pemerhati.

2. Upload gambar kegemaran anda.

- Okay, this is a bit tricky sebab I ada banyak gambar kegemaran. So I upload je semua gambar yang I gemar, okay. Sebenarnya banyak lagi gambar-gambar yang I suka tapi kalau I terus-menerus upload, mungkin kita tak akan dapat proceed ke soalan seterusnya.

3. Kenapa anda suka gambar ini?

- Penilaian ikut sequence gambar okay.

I like this photo because all of my favourite people are in it. Well, all but Ema. Gambar ni diambil in 2007 if I'm not mistaken, masa BBQ kat rumah Cik Yan. We had a blast! I juga suka gambar ni sebab peha I nampak kurus. Hehe.
Don't my parents look fantastic. Who wouldn't like this photo? Gambar ni diambil semasa Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2008 di Pahang. Masa ni Abah masih sihat dan gagah macam bouncer kelab malam. Tiba-tiba teringat dekat kawan I sorang yang takut nak hantar I balik rumah from work sebab dia pernah tengok Abah and cakap takut kena pukul.
I suka gambar ni sebab I nampak fantastic. Kan? Dan tak gemuk. This was taken by Nana masa kita jalan-jalan shopping baju raya kat KL.
I suka gambar ni sebab kami nampak genuinely gembira dan bahagia bersama. Ada kawan En. Bintang Bolasepak Berkaki Emas cakap dengan dia bahawa dia boleh nampak kehangatan cinta kami melalui gambar ni. (Kehangatan cinta? Seriously Jehan?) Ye, I serious.
This photo was taken at Clan Merican's 2008 Hari Raya BBQ in Desa Park City. I suka gambar ni sebab...sebab I cantik and adik I si Rockstar handsome. Baju yang dia pakai tu telah dicuri dari ampaian di rumah. Kami suspect Indon construction worker.

4. Bila kali terakhir makan pizza?

- Hari Ahad 14 Jun. Kami order Domino's menggunakan kupon. Dapat 3 regular pizzas dan 3 tin Coke dengan hanya RM50. Dan dapat pula that cinnamon sticks thing for free for our loyalty to Domino's. The Flaming Tuna on thin crust was the best.

5. Lagu terakhir yang anda dengar?

- Love Game (I think that's the title of the song) by Lady Gaga masa dalam kereta tadi. Now I can't stop wondering what she means by "I want to take a ride on your disco stick". What's a disco stick? Hmmmmmm....

6. Apa anda buat selain menyelesaikan tag ini?

- Ermmm... Seriously? Bernafas. Hahahahaha. Lame gila kan jawab camtu. Budget orang nak gelak sebab rasa kelakar. Sambil-sambil buat tag ni, I tengah update ammendments for Sri Talamaz's Buku Panduan Pekerja, Facebooking, OMG-ing on Yahoo!, Twittering dan makan laksa. Yup, I memang hebat bermulti-tasking.

7. Selain dari nama sendiri, anda suka dipanggil dengan nama apa?

- I suka dipanggil dengan nama sendiri. Buat apa ada nama gempak-gempak kalau nak orang panggil dengan nama lain. Betul tak? Tapi I suka dipanggil dengan nama Sayang jugak especially by En. Bintang Bolasepak Berkaki Emas sebab bila dia panggil I dengan nama sendiri, maknanya dia tengah marah dengan I kawkaw. Dulu I pernah terdengar boyfriend seorang kakak kat blok panggil kakak tu dengan panggilan Girl. Tiba-tiba I pun terasa kalau I ada teman lelaki, nak suruh dia panggil I Girl. Tapi bila fikir-fikir balik, agak tak sesuai kan kalau diri I ini dipanggil Girl? Hmmmm...

Okay dah habis. Yay! Lepas tu I tak tahu macam mana nak end this post.

Sudah jatuh tapi belum ditimpa tangga.

2009-06-22T14:00:00.003+08:00

Kan haritu I kata malang tak berbau. Tapi diri ini masih tak reti nak ambil langkah berjaga-jaga walaupun dah tahu malang kalau dia nak datang dia tak pernah nak call dulu.

Akibat terlalu sibuk melayan hati dan perasaan dan bercinta sehingga bak kata Abah, hujan pun tak basah telefon bimbit I telah dimasuki air (dia main hujan) dan dah jadi weng. Masalahnya LCD screen, speaker and everything else semua ok kecuali telefon tu tak ada signal langsung. Masuk la apa-apa simcard pun, mesti tak ada reception. Agak membengangkan jugaklah sebab selama beberapa jam I memang ingat bahawa Maxis betul-betul tengah problem receptionnya. Sekali tengok-tengok pfone I sorang je macam tu.

Jadi nasib I sekarang ialah wanita tak bertelefon bimbit. Duit pun dah nak habis jadi tak mampu nak beli telefon bimbit yang baru atau nak repair yang rosak ni. Siapa tahu, mahal tak agak-agak nak repair telefon bimbit yang masuk air? Agak-agak below RM100 boleh dapat tak?

Atau pun, I ada cadangan yang lebih genius lagi bernas. Siapa nak belikan telefon bimbit baru untuk I ataupun siapa antara pembaca yang disayangi yang kerja jual handphone and boleh bagi discount dekat I?

Kesianla kat I.

Please, kesian.

Sweet dreams might be made of these

2009-06-20T15:26:00.004+08:00

You know sometimes bila you berangan, you terkenangkan saat-saat indah zaman dulu-dulu bila bercinta monyet dengan kekaseh lama. Hahahaha. I had that moment this morning masa bangun tidur. Biasalah kan, bangun tidur memang tak boleh bangun terus segar-bugar dari katil. Mesti nak menggeliat dulu, yawn sebesar mulut Gloria Madagascar dulu, pusing sana pusing sini dan daydream. Jadi pagi tadi I bangun tidur awal tapi I tutup mata dalam keadaan jaga selama lebih kurang 30 minit. Orang tua akan cakap I anak dara tak senonoh tapi I tahu korang semua pun buat macam tu sama dengan I.

Anyways, dalam I dok pusing-pusing sambil tutup mata dan berangan tu, tiba-tiba I teringat dekat bekas buah hati pengarang jantung I suatu masa dulu. Suatu masa being a long long long time ago masa I masih muda remaja (sekarang I muda belia) dan masih bersekolah.

Cinta lama I Bassist Terhebat dalam Dunia, seorang yang sangat garang dan keras kepala. Everything was either his way or no way. At least he was like that with me. Dengan teman-teman sahabat handai dia I tak pasti. Tapi dalam garang-garang dia tu, dia sayang kat I sebenarnya and dia ada jugak tunjuk kat I side sweet and romantik dia. Contohnya on Valentines day, he gave me a HUGE ass card with hearts all over it and when you open it, Love Song berkumandang (walaupun dia tone macam Polyphonic yang agak annoying, tapi I tetap berbunga-bunga hati bila dapat card tu). The comel thing was, one of his best friends helped him pick the card *blushes*. And he wrote me a poem which began like, "Most fools start their poems with the the word ocean" and there was something about his heart exploding and him loving me "'Til death do us apart". I don't remember the whole thing. I have it somewhere but I have to dig it up. And masa tu kita kan kanak-kanak Ribena lagi. Nak top up phone pun macam sangat susah dan kadang-kadang hampir impossible sebab top-up RM10 jangan harap la cukup. Bila call nak borak, tak ingat dunia because we never ran out of things to talk about. We had chemistry like that. Tapi masa tu muda remaja, pocket pun most of the time tak berapa nak penuh. So was our wallets and purses. So he used to kutip coins and call me using a public phone. Even so, he called me every night without fail and to a 17 year-old teenage girl, that was awfully sweet.

We stayed good friends after we broke up and he used to be so convenient and so much help. Kalau I tak ada transport ke apa, I knew I could count on him to pick me up and take me places. He had always been reliable that way. The chemistry was still there (I won't elaborate on why we broke up) and we went out for movies, dinners, he even took me out for my birthday. Masa baru-baru berpisah dan I masih tak boleh terima hakikat he told me that everything was okay and that, "We'll always have each other." Bila I tak dapat johan in one dancing competition, I mengadu dengan dia and he said, "Don't worry. You'll always be my favourite dancer." Hello! How the hell was I supposed to get over you when you're saying things like that to me??? Tapi bila you dah berpisah dengan seseorang dan dah tak bercinta dengan dia lagi, semua perangai buruk dia kelihatan jelas di mata you and it gets the worst of you. Jadi sikap "I betul, you salah" and keras kepala dia tu got on my nerves and one night I just blew and we stopped being in touch since then.

Sebenarnya I agak sedih that we stopped being friends. We do talk now once in awhile but our conversations are stiff and so formal and unfriendly. I tahu kalau I nak mintak tolong dengan dia, dia masih akan tolong I sebaik mungkin sebab dia memang jenis yang akan buat apa saja untuk rakan-rakan. But things are so awkward and the chemistry's gone now. We're no longer friends, just mere acquaintances. Sometimes I do wish things were different but as they all say (and it's so true), everything happens for a reason. So I redha je la kan dengan ketentuan Tuhan.

Akhirnya I bangun dari katil dan start lipat baju sebelum gosok gigi dan mandi.

Malang memang tak berbau langsung, samada bau durian atau kentut atau sebarang bau.

2009-06-19T21:08:00.001+08:00

Then adik lelaki I yang Rockstar kena seluk pula sakunya.

Kesimpulannya, bila keluar ke mana-mana tak payah bawak handbag. Letak duit and document penting dalam poket.

2009-06-19T18:16:00.003+08:00

Atau jahit poket pada underwear dan simpan duit di situ.

I serious ni.

Tadi I pergi melawat Aunty I dekat hospital. Aunty I dah jadi part of statistics bila dia menjadi mangsa peragut yang tak berhati perut. We don't know what really happened tapi ceritanya lebih kurang macam orang tu naik motor, datang from belakang and tarik handbag Aunty I. Masa tu dia tengah jalan on the way to her car. Kejadian berlaku dekat Kelana Jaya. Dekat area Giant lama and KFC tu. Kalau korang familiar dengan area tu, then you know that tempat tu tak sunyi langsung. Especially at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Tapi still si peragut yang bangang ni boleh menjalankan aktiviti dia. I guess mungkin masa peragut tu tarik handbag dia, my Aunty reflexively pulled it back. Biasalah kan. I mean, it's only natural for you to act defensively when something of your possession is being taken forcefully from you. I faham kenapa dalam banyak-banyak kes ragut semua, mangsa end up cedera teruk sebab mempertahankan barang mereka. I rasa memang masa tu you tak fikir apa-apa selain nak selamatkan harta benda you dari diambil orang. Kan? So anyways, bila my Aunty tarik balik her bag, the peragut yang bahalul might have hit her on the head with something,maybe a blunt object. She fell into semi-conciousness and they fled, leaving her and her handbag behind.

I tak faham sebenarnya dengan peragut-peragut ni. Apa masalah mereka sebenarnya? Apa kata bila korang ragut tu kan, dah tak dapat barang tu korang blah je. Apa kata la kan. Kenapa korang nak kena pukul orang bagai? Lepas tu akhirnya tak dapat pun apa-apa. Dapat kepuasan ke bila korang pukul orang and tengok mangsa korang tu jatuh lemah dan longlai? Do you feel a sense of accomplishment overpowering you, seeing your victims helpless? I rasa korang antara manusia paling tak berperikemanusiaan dan tak berhati perut dalam dunia. I mean, what kind of an animal gets pleasure from causing severe injury and hurt towards others? Even binatang pun reti tak kacau binatang lain yang tak kacau dia.

Bila I dengar benda ni jadi kat my Aunty, I ingat it wasn't that serious. And perkara tu lambat sikit register dalam kepala otak I sebab walaupun kita tengok laporan pasal kes ragut ni banyak dalam TV, I tak pernah expect that it could happen to someone I know and care about. Tapi bila I tengok dia I jadi sedih dan sayu (macam dah tak hairan kan Jehan yang emosional jadi sedih dan sayu). Dia baru keluar from ICU malam semalam sebab sebelum ni dia macam sedar tak sedar. She was lying there on her bed and she looked so weak. She had a HUGE (and I mean HUGE) benjol at the back of her head slightly to the left side and it hurts so she could only lie on her right side which gets annoying and uncomfortable for her after awhile. She was yawning all the time and would fall into slumber once in awhile even when she was in the middle of saying something. We figured it was because there wasn't enough oxygen going through her brain. She was suffering from constant pain in her head. She couldn't eat because she kept vomitting. She couldn't even sit up without feeling nauseated.

I kesian tengok dia macam tu sebab dia sebenarnya seorang yang sangat bertenaga dan bersemangat bila bercakap.

Well peragut yang bahalul, I guess you happy la sekarang you dah add one more victim to your list.

Pergi mati, silakan.

Broken Strings

2009-06-19T18:11:00.002+08:00

This is my current favourite song. I have to listen to it every night before I sleep. Just like I have to hear En. Bintang Bolasepak's voice every night before I sleep.

Let me hold you

For the last time

It's the last chance to feel again

But you broke me

Now I can't feel anything

When I love you,

It's so untrue

I can't even convince myself

When I'm speaking, It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up

I try to hold on, but it hurts too much

I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings

You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts

And lies worse

How can I give anymore

When I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing

We are turning into dust

Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire

When there's nothing left to save It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

I love love love LOVE it! James Morrison is a genius!

I rasa teman lelaki I ada affair dengan Audited Reports di pejabat.

2009-06-18T16:24:00.003+08:00

Berikut adalah perkara-perkara yang you shouldn't expect from your girlfriend/boyfriend or bakal girlfriend/boyfriend (especially boyfriend) kalau dia seorang Assistant Auditor/Junior Auditor/Senior Auditor atau dalam apa-apa field yang berkaitan dengan auditor.

1. Di bulan-bulan mulai bulan March, jangan expect mereka untuk pulang awal sebelum pukul 10 malam.

2. Jangan expect mereka untuk melayan SMS/calls/kerenah anda all the time sebab most of the time mereka tak akan check handphone pun selagi masih menghadap working paper yang bertimbun. Unless ringtone mereka lagu techno yang kuat gila, you boleh dengar dari jarak 150 meter, then mereka terpaksa menjawab sebab kalau tak colleagues mereka akan annoyed dan memberi pandangan slack.

3. Di bulan-bulan mulai bulan March, jangan expect mereka untuk be available for you even on weekends. Kalau mereka kena kerja hari Sabtu sampai pukul 8 malam pun, you kena redha je dan fikirkan bahawa they're doing this for your future.

4. Jangan expect untuk berborak-borak di siang hari samada melalui SMS atau voice call. Kalau anda bernasib baik, mungkin dia akan call in between meetings with clients just to say hi. Tapi kalau you mengharap untuk bermain SMS in between setiap classes or dalam class, then I nasihatkan you untuk tak meletakkan harapan terlalu tinggi untuk you dilayan.

5. Jangan expect dia untuk pay attention and tak mamai bila call you malam-malam lepas balik kerja sebab after a long day at work, the only thing on their minds will be sleep and taking a walk in Dreamland. Jadi you tak payahlah merajuk sebab somehow he/she doesn't sound interested in your stories. Layankan je dan cakap je "Ok sayang, it's okay. Sayang dah penat sangat tu. Sayang tidur la dulu kay? Kita borak next time," dalam nada yang paling lembut dan understanding.

6. Semasa peak season, dimana mereka pulang lewat and all that stuff jangan expect mereka untuk ingat nak charge battery handphone. Kalau anda call mereka tak dapat or SMS tak delivered, tak payah sibuk-sibuk nak fikir mereka tengah spend time dengan lelaki/perempuan lain sebab sebenarnya handphone mereka mati sebab semalam balik pukul 2 pagi terus tidur dan pagi tadi pukul 7 dah keluar ke office sebab nak sampai awal jadi tak ada masa nak ingat nak charge handphone.

7. Kalau keluar dating or ronggeng di hujung minggu, jangan expect mereka untuk bertahan lama-lama sampai lewat malam. Expect mereka untuk jadi letih by 6p.m at least. Dan pada ketika ini anda kena jadi teman yang understanding dan mengajak mereka pulang supaya mereka dapat berehat secukupnya sebelum memulakan battle baru pada keesokan harinya.

I rasa kalau anda ikut tips-tips I ni, tahap kekecewaan you bila berdepan dengan situasi sebenar tak akan teruk sangat.

Selamat mencuba!

Kenapa suka sangat buat komen tentang aset-aset kurniaan Allah kepada I?

2009-06-18T15:48:00.005+08:00

Semalam I makan durian dengan banyaknya sehingga pening kepala. Sampai hari ni pening I tak habis lagi. Tapi I langsung tak menyesal sebab durian ialah buah-buahan tempatan I yang paling favourite sekali dalam Universe. I boleh duduk situ menghadap berbiji-biji durian dan makan tanpa menghiraukan dunia sekeliling. Which was what I did yesterday. Padahal dah tahu effect yang akan ditimpa badan kalau makan durian terlalu banyak (durian buah-buahan yang panas so kalau makan terlalu banyak akan panas badan, sakit tekak dan pening kepala. Macam effect makan kambing). Sepanjang masa I makan tu I asyik cakap pada diri sendiri "Ok, dah Jehan. Ni last Ok." Tapi tak agak-agak sebab sambil bermonolog dalaman, tangan dah mencapai seulas lagi durian. Last-last I rasa dekat 20 ulas kot I makan. Lepas tu untuk mengelakkan diri dari kena panas badan, I siap ikut petua orang tua-tua lagi minum air dari kulit durian. Tapi tak ada maknanya. I pun tak pasti apa rasionalnya mereka memetuakan minum air dari kulit durian tu.

Memang I akan jadi tak senonoh bila sampai ke bab-bab makan durian. Macam bila adik I yang last tanya, "Kalau kita makan durian kan, kita kencing or kentut bau durian tak?" Pastu I demonstrate la kat dia kentut yang bau durian. Hahahaha. Ok, tak kelakar ke? Macam disgusting kan sebenarnya. Tapi whatevs. I'm being myself *winks*. Lagipun semua orang kentut what. Perkara normal. Then Abah yang forever loyar buruk jawab, "Kamil kentut kan. Kalau kentut bau kentut la. Apa bau durian pulak." Harharhardyharhar.

Semalam I balik rumah, mama dengan penuh bersemangatnya membancuh susu dan menggoncang bancuhan tersebut (sebab dekat tin tu suruh "shake vigorously." Serious gua tak tipu). Tapi ni bukan susu lembu biasa ok. Susu ini dipanggil susu awal lembu. Or nama saintifiknya Colostrum. I baru dapat tahu bahawa susu awal lembu ni adalah susu dari lembu (duhh) yang didapati 1 hingga 3 hari lepas lembu-lembu melahirkan anak. Susu pada hari keempat dikenali sebagai susu lewat lembu. Hahahahahaha. Okay. Tak kelakar. (mungkin ini sebab kenapa cita-cita rahsia I menjadi standup comedian tak akan tercapai, ever). Apparently susu awal lembu ni sangat baik untuk kesihatan seperi menguatkan antibodi and mencegah osteoporosis. Kalau anda nak tahu lebih lanjut bolehlah Google "susu awal lembu". That's what I did. So anyways, sekarang mama dah start minum susu awal lembu. I capai tin tu untuk dapat lebih informasi tentang kandungan susu awal lembu tu. Tiba-tiba I ternampak tanda harga and I got the shock of my life man. Untuk satu tin yang kecil, macam tin susu Fernleaf yang paling kecil tu, anda harus membayar RM180! Terkejut I dan terus berkata, "Gila mahal weyh! Kenapa mahal sangat?" Dan respon daripada Resident Loyar Buruk, "Sebab dia susu awal. Susah nak dapat. Orang tu tak boleh tidur kena tunggu susu yang paling awal." Tak boleh blah kan?

Dan at that instant jugak I teringat cerita Nana tentang Jins Samsuddin, Mak Su dan susu.

On the bright side, my boyfriend is a football legend

2009-06-16T14:18:00.002+08:00

Last night was one of the best nights in my life. The others being all those nights I s.....well anyways (hahaha. I'm such a tease aren't I?), last night was one of the best nights in my life because I slept soundly through the whole night without being awaken by icky mosquitoes. Yeah I know it sounds real sad that one of the best nights in my life involves not waking up in the middle of the night but when you've gone through nights and nights of waking up at 3 a.m because you can't sleep because these annoying mosquitoes keep biting and buzzing around and it's so freaking annoying cause you can't sleep properly because you need to scratch yourself and slap the mosquitoes dead, then you'll understand how last night was one of the best nights I've ever had.

I just want to say, it's ok to be a murderer if your victims are mosquitoes, especially aedes.

I wonder if mosquitoes will ever be extinct and cease to exist like the dodo birds.

Maybe not.

Christiano Ronaldo memang rubbish

2009-06-15T17:52:00.003+08:00

En. Bintang Bolasepak telah berjaya mendapat anugerah Penjaring Terbanyak dalam sebuah tournament futsal baru-baru ni. Yup, kekaseh I memang hebat. Penjaring terbanyak = Golden Boots = Kaki Emas. Maka En. Bintang Bolasepak telah menyuarakan hasratnya untuk dikenali sebagai En. Bintang Bolasepak Berkaki Emas mulai hari ini.

Dia yang nak. I tak suggest pun.

Okay, mungkin I ada suggest secara tersirat.

Jadi sedia maklum bahawa En. Bintang Bolasepak Berkaki Emas bukanlah kekaseh baru I. Dia masih orang yang sama.

You memang hebat Sayang.

Jehan: Penjaring terbanyak? Fuyoo. Hebatnya (muka kagum). Sayang score berapa gol?

En. Bintang Bolasepak Berkaki Emas: Entahlah. I pun tak tahu (muka poker sambil makan Honey Chicken Noodle dengan enak dan selamba).

Yelah. Legends memang tak keep score.

I rasa I mesti akan menitiskan air mata di hari pernikahan mereka

2009-06-15T16:30:00.005+08:00

Nak tahu tak? Tapi macam tak ada point pun I tanya korang nak tahu ke tak kan sebab kalau korang macam tak teringin nak tahu pun I akan cerita jugak.

Semalam I pergi majlis pertunangan one of my housemates, Kak Yan. Kami semua panggil dia Kak Yan sebab antara kami 7 orang dalam rumah tu, dia yang paling tua sekali (dia sama umur dengan En. Bintang Bolasepak tapi En. Bintang Bolasepak pun sering refer kepadanya as Kak Yan sebab dia cakap Kak Yan tua sebelum usia, bukan macam dirinya yang awet muda dan young at heart. I layankan je. Maklumlah, sayang. Hahaha) dan sering menjadi sumber rujukan dalam hal-hal berkaitan seniority seperti khidmat nasihat percintaan dan permasalahan hidup. Antara nasihat Kak Yan - yang sering diguna pakai oleh kami semua dan dah melekat pun dalam kepala otak kami sampai nak cakap apa-apa mesti teringat kata-kata Kak Yan siap dengan suara dan intonasi yang sama lagi - ialah, "Kita sering diuji dengan apa yang kita kata." Oleh sebab itu, kita kena sentiasa berhati-hati dan menjaga percakapan kita. Contohnya kalau kita tak sukakan seorang lelaki kat kampus ni sebab dia selekeh and pergi kelas hari-hari macam tak mandi padahal konon-konon imej indie (tapi pada hakikatnya dia memang tak mandi pun kot sebab bila lalu sebelah ada bau yang kurang enak), jangan sekali-kali berkata, "Yucks, I geli la tengok Si Mamat Indie Tak Mandi tu. Serious oh. Nasib baiklah dia bukan boyfriend I. Kalau tak...eeeiiih! Tak tahulah macam mana," sebab kita sering diuji dengan apa yang kita kata. Tengok-tengok next week Mamat Indie Tak Mandi selamatkan you dari kena langgar bas pastu terus you fall in love dengan dia. Apa cerita? Kan dah kena jilat ludah sendiri. So be careful of what you say, okay?

Anyways, semalam Kak Yan pun mengambil langkah seterusnya dalam perjalanannya menuju ke jinjang pelamin iaitu dengan mengikat tali pertunangan (hahahaha. Kak Yan dah kena ikat. Tapi still taknak mengalah nak ikut kita orang ronggeng next sem) dengan teman lelakinya setelah sekian lama. Mereka berdua, iaitu Kak Yan dan Pok Cik telah menjalinkan hubungan percintaan selama bertahun-tahun sejak di bangku sekolah lagi. So macam orang semua tak terkejut pun mereka bertunang. Mungkin kalau mereka tak bertunang lagi sampai sekarang, baru orang ramai tertanya-tanya mengapa.

Majlis diadakan sangat meriah, siap ada favours for guests berupa cupcakes and pudding dalam paperbag purple bertulis "Terima Kasih" dah macam kenduri kahwin. Bila mereka kahwin nanti tak tahulah tahap kemeriahannya tahap apa. Owh, antara hantaran pihak lelaki adalah handphone Sony Ericsson. Tiba-tiba Ruzanna Anna berkata, "Kalau macam ni kita pun nak bertunang. Dapat handphone baru, perfume Dior and banyak hadiah." Hahahaha. Masa awak akan tiba Ana. Jangan risau.

I tak tahu kisah sebenarnya tapi I rasa mana-mana relationship yang lebih 3 tahun mesti maha banyak dugaan yang harus dilalui, onak dan duri yang harus ditempuhi untuk mengecapi kebahagiaan. Setahun lebih duduk sebumbung dengan Kak Yan, banyak cerita I dengar (Kak Yan memang rajin bercerita dan I memang suka dengan kisah-kisah klasiknya) and banyak iktibar yang I boleh ambik dari kisah-kisah kesusahan dan kesenangan percintaan dia dengan Pok Cik. Dia orang ni memang epitome of "susah bersama senang bersama". I ingat lagi ada this one point in time when Kak Yan menangis tiap-tiap malam and bad mood dengan Pok Cik sebab Pok Cik menganggur lama sangat. Mungkin Kak Yan risau fikirkan future mereka kalau Pok Cik tak bekerja. Kalau I dah berkahwan 25 tahun and boyfriend I tak ada ura-ura nak masuk meminang pun I risau jugak. Tapi lepas Pok Cik dah dapat kerja tetap, everything was sun-shiny again. Bila ingat-ingat balik, comel pun ada.

Kak Yan dan tunangannya Pok Cik. Yang baju purple serba ayu pakai tudung tu Kak Yan. Pok Cik yang berdiri tu. Duhh.

Kak Yan memang agak gedik kadang-kadang (birds of a feather flock together. Disebabkan kegedikkannya itulah kami ngam. Hehe). Tapi semalam kami bagi can kat dia untuk lebih gedik lagi sebab semalam dia bertunang. Semalam hari Kak Yan.

Penghuni rumah kami di Pangsapuri Kesidang. We're missing three others yang tak dapat datang.

Kak Yan and I. I terpakasa berdiri dengan kaki yang sedikit bengkok sebab I tinggi sangat. Haha. Memanglah, dah Kak Yan duduk. Baju yang I pakai ni tailor tu buat besar nak mati. First and last time tempah dekat dia. Boleh tak masa I ambik baju tu and try dia cakap, "La, besar pulak baju. Hari tu masa ukur nampak macam gemuk." Tak boleh belah kan. Bye bye tailor. I tak tempah kat you dah. Buat rosak kain I yang mahal. Belakang tu hantaran dari pihak Kak Yan untuk Pok Cik yang digubah sendiri oleh bakal pengantin yang serba handal. Kak Yan mengambil masa 2 hari sahaja untuk menyiapkan 13 dulang hantaran. Hebat, hebat.

Kak Yan suka cakap Pok Cik gemuk. Semalam beria-ia dia bagi tahu kita orang yang Pok Cik dah bertambah-tambah gemuk sejak the last time kami jumpa dia. So kami bertiga pun dah bayangkan Pok Cik yang kembang dan gemuk macam ya amat sangat. Sekali bila Pok Cik datang, Anna, Ayu and I pandang each other dengan muka blur. Mana ada gemuk pun. Macam kurang gemuk sikit pun ada. Tapi Kak Yan tak percaya, tetap insist dia makin gemuk. Mungkin sebab Kak Yan jumpa Pok Cik hari-hari so kalau perut dia buncit lebih setengah inci pun Kak Yan perasan. Tapi I tak tipu. Hakikatnya Pok Cik tak adalah gemuk mana pun. Lihat sendiri dalam gambar.

I harap Kak Yan and Pok Cik akan terus berbahagia higgalah ke jinjang pelamin dan sambung bahagia lagi lepas tu hingga ke anak cucu cicit and grow old together dengan comel, 'til the end.

Amin.

Next, Nana and Bern Loverboy.

2009-06-13T16:16:00.000+08:00

Saya nak masuk The Biggest Loser Asia. Please?

Today, I chose to be immature

2009-06-13T15:12:00.007+08:00

I ada satu penyakit yang I rasa sangat annoying. No, bukan penyakit radang paru-paru tu walaupun penyakit tu pun maha annoying tahap tak tahan rasa macam nak tarik keluar paru-paru kalau boleh and rasa macam bila-bila je boleh mati. Penyakit I yang annoying ialah I tak boleh terima kalau malam-malam before tidur, En. Bintang Bolasepak tak call I dulu. I tak kisah pun kalau the whole day dia sunyi sepi tak bersuara or SMS I langsung tapi I akan emosi kalau malam-malam sebelum dia tidur, I tak dengar suara dia dulu.

And lately this has been happening a lot sebab En. Bintang Bolasepak selalu overtime lately ni sebab sekarang memang peak season untuk audit. Kadang-kadang after 12 a.m baru dia gerak balik rumah lepas tu by the time dia sampai rumah dah dekat pukul 1 then dia dah mandi-manda semua dah 1 lebih and by that time dia dah ngantuk nak tidur so dia akan SMS I je cakap goodnight. I tahu it's very very very selfish of me to be unhappy by this fact tapi I can't help myself. I mean, I faham la dia busy and busy and busy sangat. I tak kacau dia time kerja apa.

Oh my god. Mesti korang semua rasa macam I seorang girlfriend yang sangat annoying and clingy kan tapi pada hakikatnya tak pun. Most of the time I don't even mind if he doesn't text or call me during the day. Even on weekends. I just need to hear his voice before I drift off to Dreamland, that's all.

Ok dah. Nak cakap tu je.

En. Bintang Bolasepak and I pergi bowling di zaman-zaman dia tak busy tahap kena kerja on weekends so boleh bawak I keluar every weekend (I tak suka rambut dia time ni. Something really wrong with it).

Reminiscing

2009-06-12T12:57:00.007+08:00

We haven't seen Ema since graduation last year. That's a really long time given the fact that we used to see each other every single day. We had originally planned to pay Ema a visit. Take a road-trip to Perak, spend a few days there together, just having fun. But then we failed to see the plan through because some of us (namely yours truly and Nana) couldn't come up with sufficient funds to accommodate them on the trip. So change of plans. Ema came down to see us. YAY! And although I was sick, I pulled up all my strength to go meet up with them in One Utama and I'm glad I did because I hadn't realised until then how much I missed them.

Aktiviti lazim: Camwhoring

This was a candid shot. I was unaware that my picture was being taken. Do you really think I'd let my picture be taken looking like that? I was unhappy because they get to enjoy a nice frothy grande cup of Dark Berry Mocha (which I didn't even get a sip by the way for fear of sudden death due to a sudden asthma attack) and I was left to enjoy my steaming cup of Caramel Hot Choc no whip cream (which was delicious but seeing them slurping away on their Frappe...)

I got back tired and dead exhausted and went to bed straight away after my bath (whick I was not supposed to be taking at night).

Owh, how I miss the days.

Dealing

2009-06-12T12:41:00.002+08:00

I found out today that a very close friend of mine has lost her father a couple of weeks ago to cancer. My heart goes out to her and her family.

I may not have lost my father but I can still relate to what she's going through. My grandmother's death a few years back had shocked our whole family and I went through a hard time getting over it. We were all close to her and it took a lot of time for us to accept the fact that she was no longer with us.

Losing someone close to you, no matter who they are, is hard. It's normal that during times like these, your emotions go haywire while you try to grasp what has happened and sometimes, the loss you feel seems endless and you wonder whether you'd ever snap out of it.

But there will come a time when you realise that it is just a cycle of life. People we care about and love will pass on. The rest of us living have no choice but to pick up the pieces and move on.

To my dearest friend, I know these times can be hard on you. Just know that there are people around you who love you still and who will be there for you when you need us. I know you have a strong faith in God and what He has planned for you. I hope in this time of grief, you will find within you the strength to take on the world. Either way, I'd be glad to lend you an ear or a shoulder. All you have to do is let me know.

I love you.

All these steroids ought to make you fat

2009-06-12T12:06:00.003+08:00

This has been the longest I've went without updating Jehan Soraya. It's funny to think that I had more time updating my blog when I was doing my internship at an audit firm rather than when I'm on my holiday and occasionally helping my mother out at Sri Talamaz.

Hello again, cyberworld.

I haven't been feeling well these past few weeks. Even before I finished my internship, I was already on numerous days of MCs because of my suddenly frequent asthma attacks. Things weren't looking very positive. In a month, I've been to see a doctor more than three times and have been on the nebulizer three times. When things got worse, I went to another doctor for a checkup. I was put on gas, again and the doctor went on to tell me that I had pneumonia. It was so funny. She asked me if I was staying under the same roof with a TB patient. Shouldn't TB patients be warded or something?

Anyways, she said I had radang paru-paru (which literaly means my lungs were inflammed) and prescribed me steroids to reduce the inflammation. I was prescribed more steroids to reduce my wheezing and to prevent me from getting any more attacks. Then she sent me home. With inflammed lungs. How convenient. The whole week I was walking around coughing my throat (which the doctor had said to be swollen already due to my coughing before) out, clutching my painfull chest and in a daze thanks to all the steroids. My antibiotics were the size of Panadols but slightly thicker and they were RED. I had to take 4, twice a day. That's 8 Panadol sized but slightly thicker RED antibiotics in a day. I was suffering from abdominal and back ache because of my excessive coughing and the simplest, tiniest of tasks like putting my clothes on or rubbing lotion over my body, left me tired and out of breath.

I had sleepless nights, unable to properly breathe most nights. I would be trembling and feeling cold but at the same time break out cold sweat. One night I had to sleep in a sitting position so as to not die in my sleep because I couldn't breathe while lying down face up or down. I finished 2 bottles of Bena Expectorant but they did not help at all in reducing or relieving me off my chesty coughs. I couldn't even hold a nice, decent conversation with anybody for more than 2 minutes without annoying them with my coughs. I was a miserable wreck.

When things did not seem like they were getting any better and my RED antibiotics were almost through, I went to see the doctor again. This time she seemed slightly more concerned than before and decided that they should take a sample of my blood and phlegm. So they took two tubes of blood and three mornings worth of phlegm. The results are yet to be known.

I hope nothing's wrong with me. I mean, if something were wrong, they would have informed me by now, wouldn't they?

I lost 4kgs! Yay! I guess there are some upside to being sick.

I'm still a miserable wreck.

Bila fikiran menerawang

2009-06-02T17:22:00.002+08:00

Kalau cincin pada jari dah longgar maknanya jari dah kurus kan? Tapi kenapa berat badan meningkat seperti hari-hari makan seekor lembu dengan gelojohnya?

Stupid idiot

2009-06-01T19:14:00.002+08:00

I seriously do not understand guys, strangers who make direct crude remarks (on Facebook) about my physical and THEN request to add me as a friend on Facebook.

Seriously? What makes you think I'd approve?

Tahu tak bahawa negeri Pahang tak ada West Coast? Haha

2009-06-01T13:20:00.007+08:00

Fuh! Cabaran betul nak upload pictures banyak-banyak onto blogger.

Okay okay! Listen up people!!!

Walaupun cerita ni dah lapok tahap makanan yang disimpan dalam peti sejuk selama 2 bulan dan dah basi tahap berkulat, I nak cerita jugak. *smiles my awesome smile*

A few weeks ago, clan Merican telah melancarkan ekspidisi Pasir Hor Attack. Expedition okay and adventure habis sebab perjalanan memakan masa lebih sepuluh jam dan ada stretch yang macam berpuluh-puluh kilometer sebelum jumpa tandas. Jadi sangat adventure. Tak adventure ke kalau kena tahan kencing sejauh 20 km?

Kami bertolak dari KL lebih kurang pukul 5 petang. Plan asalnya nak gerak pukul 4 tapi biasalah kan. Padahal Mamu Aziz dah pesan berkali kali kali hari sebelum tu untuk, "Please jangan lambat ok. I nak gerak at 4p.m sharp." Oh well, harapan.

The journey was tiring but very scenic. I got to see the sun set behind Banjaran Titiwangsa which was awesome, and I saw green pretty much everywhere I turned. It was very calming to the eyes. Sepatutnya dapat tengok gua-gua batu kapur jugak tapi by the time dah sampai kat area tu dah gelap so tak nampak. After lebih sepuluh jam dalam kereta, beberapa toilet stop dan makan dinner dengan gelojohnya dekat sebuah restoran di Pekan Gua Musang yang boleh tahan sedap masakannya, kami pun tiba ke Pasir Hor. Dan dalam kegelapan malam di kala semua orang dah penat dalam kepala otak asyik fikir nak landing atas katil, Abah pun berkata-kata, "Siapa nak ikut pegi Wakaf Che Yeh?" Like serious ah? Pukul 1 pagi nak gi shopping lagi? No thanks.

A few of them went though, cari buah-buahan untuk gubahan hantaran sebab buah-buahan yang kami dah gubah siap-siap dengan cantiknya di KL telah kering dedaunnya dan buah pun dah lasu. Mungkin sebab duduk dalam boot lama sangat. So terpaksa beli baru untuk gubahan semula. Owh! One thing we did a lot in Kelantan was eat mangoes, for some reason.

Eh, laaa. Patutla korang macam blur je. Lupa nak cakap buat apa gi Kelantan. Clan Merican ke Kelantan untuk majlis pertunangan Cousin kami yang first sekali bertunang. Dengan sebab itu jugalah semua orang excited sebab dia cousin, anak buah dan cucu pertama belah Clan Merican yang nak menamatkan zaman bujang. Nasib baik anak teruna kalau tak banyak jugak hadiah kena beli sebab dia langkah banyak bendul. Hehehe.

The view from our windows. Cantik kan. Macam ketenangan yang melampau. Siap ada lembu makan rumput and itik-itik berenang dalam air (yang putih-putih dalam air tu itik lah)

Esok pagi I bangun tak awal sangat (tak awal sangat konon-konon sebab taknak mengaku bangun lambat). Bangun awal tapi menggeliat guling-guling atas katil sambil borak-borak last-last jadi bangun lambat. After dah mandi semua kitaorang keluar tengok-tengok lauk breakfast yang dibelanja dan dihantar ke tempat penginapan kami oleh Ayah Anis dah habis. Tinggal nasi putih je. Ye, Clan Merican memang makan banyak. Can you believe orang Kelantan makan nasi campur for breakfast? Kami pun apa lagi, hantar lah peon-peon keluar untuk membeli lauk. Rupa-rupanya pagi tu ada satu lagi Hantaran Emergency!!!(we have decided that for the wedding, we're going to put everything in boxes so that they would be easier to transport).

Selain dari buah-buahan (dari buah-buahan import dah jadi buah-buahan tempatan), Kek yang kami bawa dari KL juga hancur berkecai sebab perjalanan yang panjang dan bumpy dan panas. Daripada sugar icing coated cantik-cantik, dah jadi macam kek yang putus cinta.

Tapi kami tak panic sikit pun sebab kami ada Hantaran Handyman bersama-sama kami. Cerita kek ni panjang sangat sebab nak ganti satu kek ni, dua kek telah dibeli sebagai calon tapi satu je yang berjaya dipilih.

Operasi menyelamatkan sugar flowers dan mendekorasi cake backup. Yang berdiri baju putih tu adalah Hantaran Handyman kami, Puan Zaleha.

Tadaa! Cake backup yang berjaya dalam selection. Tak kurang hebatnya kan?

Lepas operasi menyelamatkan hantaran, kami lepak-lepak tak tahu nak buat apa sebab majlis kat rumah perempuan pukul dua. Semua dah macam agak mati akal. Nak keluar shopping macam tak cukup masa. Akhirnya kami baring-baring dan tidur lagi.

Hantaran made by Hantaran Handyman. Fotografi tak berapa hebat by Jehan Soraya.

Rombongan pihak lelaki yang comey-comey belaka (kat Kelantan kalau pegi shopping tudung or kain, semua benda yang you usik adalah, "Hok tu comey." Serious tak tipu. Akhirnya kita terpedaya dengan semua kecomelan itu dan end up memborong banyak gila barang). Yang pakai hijau semua immediate family bakal pengantin lelaki.

Sampai-sampai rumah pihak perempuan, the first thing we did was jengjengjeng...makan! Lagi. Walaupun pagi tadi dah makan nasi putih dengan lauk ayam dan macam-macam. First thing we did was makan. Tapi mereka yang suruh makan. Bukan kami yang nak makan dulu. Dahlah hidang nasi dagang favourite I dengan lauk yang macam-macam. Memang layan ok. Siap tambah tapi cover-cover jugaklah sebab baju I baju kurung modern so kalau perut terbuncit lebih sikit mesti obvious. Makan sampai takleh nak bangun ok. Hahaha. Kami memang tak boleh blah. Dan for pencuci mulut, ada buah mangga. Lagi.

The recently very happy couple. Tak rasa ke macam glowing?

Malam tu kami pergi shopping lagi. Lawatan kedua (for some people) ke Wakaf Che Yeh. Wakaf Che Yeh ni macam ala-ala bazaar. Macam pasar puasa yang jual macam-macam. Tapi mostly kain and tudung. Eh, handphone pun ada jual kay. Macam kedai handphone bundle. Hahaha. Rambang mata jugaklah tapi memandangkan duit syilling je yang tinggal dalam purse, mata je lah yang rambang. Oh well.

The next day bangun pagi-pagi pukul enam sebab nak tengok Mama dalam TV. Hehe. Then out to breakfast dekat town. Makan kat kopitiam. Menu hari ini, nasi kerabu. Tak sahlah kalau gi Kelantan tak makan nasi kerabu original. But suprisingly, I've taste better nasi kerabu in KL and Melaka.

After that apa lagi, shopping lah weyh. Satu lagi benda yang tak sah tak buat kalau pergi Kelantan ialah go say hi to Pasar Siti Khadijah. Di sinilah kami terus terpedaya dengan panggilan-panggilan "Hok ni comey. Comey sangat. Kaler ite pun comey jugak."

Keterujaan melihat keropok keropok keropok keropok keropok keropok yang banyak! Borong keropok pun banyak macam nak bukak kedai jual keropok sira kat KL.

Waiting for the rest of the clan to arrive to guide us to Anis's aunt's shop. Miyam dan Mama giat menggunakan line, "Kita kan dah sedara. Bagi lah discount banyak sikit."

Rambang mata tahap buta warna. Look ar all the tudungs. *sigh* Choices, choices.

I fell in love at first sight. This will be my baju raya merangkap baju wedding Danial pihak lelaki. Gambar ini tak menggambarkan betapa cantiknya kain ini sebenarnya.

The one place that I was really looking forward to go to was that kedai makan bawah rumah kat istana lama tu. Nasi campur terhebat. Tapi disebabkan kesuntukan masa dan banyak kepala, we ended up not going. But it's okay, we'll be back in October.

Okay! Dah habis cerita.

Wedding Dash!

2009-06-01T12:47:00.004+08:00

Cuba teka I dapat jawatan apa dalam Wedding Committee Ahmad Danial. Sila sila sila.

Mesti you all ingat I dapat jawatan The Ultimate Wedding Planner kan. Tapi tekaan itu salah!

I dipertanggungjawabkan untuk mencari supplier yang sesuai untuk mencetak kad jemputan majlis perkahwinan. Haaa. Inilah peluang kepada anda yang ada printing company and nak buat duit melalui cetakan kad jemputan perkahwinan Ahmad Danial. Sila hubungi I, dengan syarat dapat menawarkan harga yang competetive dan berpatutan.

Konon-konon mesyuarat semalam nak lantik ahli jawatankuasa tapi kesimpulannya memang kami-kami the young Mericans yang akhirnya kena organise the whole thing with the older Mericans as advisors. But its okay. I know this is going to be loads of fun. And with the number of Drama Queens involved, I know to expect lots and lots and lots of drama!

Sekarang I tengah scouting for potential wedding photographers. Sesiapa yang rasa korang layak untuk menyahut cabaran ini, sila hubungi I atau e-mailkan quotation bersama-sama dengan portfolio anda. Nanti I review. I serious ni weyh. Bukan main-main. Tapi syarat yang sama apply lah - good quality at a competetive and affordable price.

Untuk menjawab soalan peminat (hahahaha), I kahwin lambat lagi InsyaAllah. Jangan mengharap dan menanti dalam masa terdekat ni.

And yes, I miss you Sarah. Sila balik cepat.

Spotted: J hitching up her kain baju kurung, just a bit

2009-05-31T13:12:00.002+08:00

At the risk of sounding really really really ungrateful, I must say kenapa Malaysia ni panas sangat? Dugaan hidup betul kena menempuhi segala kepanasan ini (see, told you I would sound ungrateful). Come on Jehan. Be real. Orang lain ada masalah lagi besar dari keadaan cuaca masa kini. I tahulah masalah ni tak besar sangat tapi ia adalah masalah terbesar I sekarang. The fact that I'm down to only RM20 in my wallet (on my last day, my boss said to me, "Eh, I lupalah today is your last day. Your allowance nanti I bank into your account lah bila-bila." Bila-bila tu tak tau bila. Sila jangan tanya) can't even compete with the problem I have with the curent weather. I mean, kalau takat panas terik macam tak kisah sangat kan tapi ni dengan bahangnya semua. I sweat just sitting here doing nothing and my face gets all oily and patchy and itchy and pimples start to break out which is so annoying. I haven't had a breakout for quite sometime and now it's like they're back with a vengeance. Banyak kali rasa tak nak pakai baju jalan-jalan keliling rumah tapi I know better to decide against it. Taknak takutkan orang. So ingat panas siang je kan rupa-rupa nya malam sama je teruknya. Last night I had to sleep in the hall because it was so hot and stuffy in the room I kept tossing and turning in bed until my sheets actually came off (the bed sheets la. Don't get too imaginative) and I was sweating like banyak banyak banyak so I had no choice. Then bila tido kat luar ada masalah dengan nyamuk pulak. For some reason I don't know what, mosquitoes seem to really fancy my blood. It's like, we'll be sitting there and I'll be the only one slapping myself and scratching at their bites while everyone else lepak je takda masalah.

No, I do not have a problem with nature. Mother nature and I are on good terms.

Yeah, I'm starting to sound even more immature and tak masuk akal.

I finally finished watching the second season of Gossip Girl right to the end episode 24. I no longer have to wonder and create my own scenes about what happened to everyone. I wonder though if S and Lonely Boy are ever going to stop getting back together and breaking up again and if B and Chuck Bass will last forever and ever and ever (knowing drama, not likely). I also wonder if The new Queen of Constance, Little J will ever get bored of that racoon eye make up. I don't know about you but I think too much eyeliner is too much.

Nana, I want One Tree Hill please please please please please please!

One another note, loads of people are getting married soon! Yay! I looooove weddings! My housemate is getting engaged in two weeks time and has asked me to help with the hantaran (gifts) for her fiance which I am sooooo excited about! My cousin Danial is getting married end of this year and we're having a meeting today to decide on the Wedding Committee. I'm all excited about being part of everything, I can't wait!!!

Got to go be busy now.

My, my

2009-05-29T16:22:00.002+08:00

I've been looking forward to today since December and now I can't believe it's really here. Finally, I've come to the end of my internship. The truth is, before I got the real picture of what it's like in the world of accounting and auditing, I never really minded it. I had actually considered applying for a job at an audit firm upon graduating. But now... Well, I don't think I can express enough how much I don't want to be in this field (I've been doing so since I started in December. Haven't you noticed?).

So here I am. Sitting through my final hours here. No melancholy. Just counting the hours. Everything's sorted out. All the paperworks signed, log books checked, attendance sheets signed, evaluation forms filled - complete with an evaluation of my strengths and weaknesses - and sealed so it reaches my lecturers' eyes only. I'm curious to know what my supervisor wrote there but not curious enough to rip the envelope later. I think. Let it be between them.

I don't think I'm ready for the real world.

Bila nak petang ni?

2009-05-29T12:28:00.003+08:00

So I was cleaning my phone memory, riding it off unsightly images when I came across these photos which I had planned to blog about a long long time ago but never found the time to. It just slipped my mind. So, since I am very free today because it is my last day here and they can't give me a new account to audit so I am left with meager jobs such as photocopying and keying in data which is fine by me, I've decided to upload the pictures and blog about them.

Ni Abah I. Ingat tak I cerita dia accident sangat teruk mengakibatkan dia kehilangan penggunaan tangan kirinya (hahaha. Percaya atau tidak, SPM saya A1 untuk Bahasa Malaysia). But he's all better now. Although he still can't move his left wrist without help, he can already bend and put up his arm Alhamdulillah. Jadi, ini Abah dalam salah satu sesi terapi kejutan elektriknya. Ok, it's not really called that but that is basically what it does. The machine sends electric shocks through his arms to jolt his muscles which in turn encourages movement in his fingers. I tengok dia relax je buat benda tu macam takde apa-apa effect kena electric shock. So I mintak la nak try. Nasib baik I tak mati terkejut okay sebab memang kejutan yang dasyat. Lepas tu I tak boleh stop gelak. Tapi Abah kata dia tak rasa kejutan apa-apa pun. Yang dia tahu jari dia gerak. Kalau anda tak ada penyakit saraf atau apa-apa yang memerlukan kejutan ini, I nasihatkan tak payahlah gatal nak mencuba.

Owh! Did I tell you? Abah dah boleh drive sekarang okay! Masa mula-mula dulu I risau jugak. Yelah, kalau jadi apa-apa tak ke nahas lagi sebab dia takleh control tangan kiri tu. Tapi selepas dia memandu kami sekeluarga ke Pasir Hor, Kelantan (which I will blog about once I get my hands on the photos), dalam perjalanan yang memakan masa lebih 10 jam, I dah tak risau lagi. I mean, masa dia drive to I cuak jugak. Yelah, lalu jalan lama kan. Nak potong kereta depan pun kena budget ada kereta tak from the other side. And your driver is driving permanently with one hand. Tapi kami tiba dengan selamat Alhamdulillah. Baru lah I tahu betapa capablenya Abah sebagai driver walaupun hanya dengan satu tangan.

Gambar ini diambil beberapa minggu lalu sewaktu kami pergi ke masjid untuk sembahyang Maghrib, menyanyi Asma'ul Husna dan sembahyang Isya' lepastu makan nasi dalam dulang. Pengalaman yang menarik weyh. Makan nasi dalam dulang, I mean. So menarik sampai mama yang uzur pun pergi ke masjid semata-mata untuk makan nasi dalam dulang. Pengalaman ni memang mengeratkan silaturrahim, I tak tipu. Dah lah makanan sedap. Mula-mula kami macam malu. Orang lain makan satu dulang 4 orang, kita orang bantai 8 orang. Memang tak cukup lah kan. Then, jengjengjeng, ada orang bawak dulang-dulang extra from bahagian lelaki and letak kat tepi tu sambil mempelawa kami makan. Nasi dalam dulang kami memang dah habis time tu. I siap secara refleks telah berebut ayam dan nasi dengan Mak Chak. Biasalah, makan dalam dulang. Mesti awal-awal you dah tarik-tarik portion nasi yang memadai ke bahagian dulang you kan. Tapi bayangkanlah bila berkongsi 8 orang. Tak cukup portion I tell you. Bila mamat tu letak dulang extra kat tepi tu, Mi Yam tanya, "Nak ambik nasi lagi ka?" Pastu Jehan dengan yakinnya menjawab, "Tak payahlah. I dah kenyang (ye Jehan. You mungkin dah kenyang, tapi ada you tanya orang lain?)" Tapi orang lain menyuruh hampir tahap mendesak Mi Yam untk ambik nasi lagi so Mi Yam pun dengan gagahnya pergilah ke dulang-dulang extra membawa mangkuk bekas kari daging untuk mengisi nasi tambah. Tadi kan I cakap I dah kenyang kan. Bukan I sorang je. Sebenarnya ada suara lain yang mengiyakan dan mengaku bahawa dia juga dah kenyang. Tapi, the minute Mi Yam tuang nasi tu dalam dulang, ha ambik kau. Lapan tangan shot out, groping at the rice. Hahahaha. So funny lah we all. Then kami tergelak ramai-ramai di atas kegelojohan kami.

Apa yang dapat anda lihat dalam gambar di atas? Ramai lelaki kan. Hampir semuanya lelaki. Dan I tersekat di ceruk dari mana I mengambil gambar ini, dikerumuni lelaki-lelaki di dalam gambar. Tidak, I bukan dalam syurga (hahaha. Heaven ke kalau dikerumuni lelaki?). Anda rasa I di mana? Alah, takpalah, Kalau I tunggu korang teka, mesti takkan dapat punya unless korang pernah berada dalam situasi yang sama. Hari di mana I kena pergi ke tempat ini adalah hari yang I paling benci sepanjang I jadi intern kat sini. Serious. Owh, kepada mereka yang masih meneka, STOP! Ni la bahagian kutipan kat LHDN Jalan Duta. Dan hari ini adalah hari terakhir untuk submit taksiran cukai anda. Maka, ruang yang pada asalnya banyak kerusi dan berhawa dingin bertukar menjadi ruang menunggu yang penuh dan takda udara langsung. Serious. Nak bernafas pun susah ok. Dan kadang-kadang anda akan rasa tak bernafas pun takpa. Nak tahan je nafas sepanjang berada dalam tu sebab bau ye Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku Ya Ampun!!! Memanglah kan, dikerumuni lelaki yang ramai (ramai lelaki sebab kebanyakannya despatch) dari pelbagai lapisan masyarakat, masing-masing dengan trademark bau mereka sendiri. And the fact that there are 219 numbers before yours is not much of a help (This is before you were told that for 50 or more cheques, you can just walk up to the last counter to submit. Tak payah tunggu nombor anda dipanggil. Faham?). Akhirnya anda mengambil keputusan untuk tunggu di luar sahaja. Lantaknlah matahari terik membakar kulitmu yang dah hitam legam pada asalnya pun.

Bahagian submission LHDN Jalan Duta pada hari bekerja biasa. Nak baring sambil tunggu nombor dipanggil pun boleh. Hari ini baru sedar, "Kenapa pegawai ni semua pakai blazer? Eh, laaa. Ada air-cond ke sebenarnya."

Cantikkan ruang tamu ni? Dengan lantai dan pillars marble berkilau-kilauan sehinggakan tidak perlukan cermin langsung sebab boleh check-out reflection kat lantai atau dinding. Taaaaaak. Ni bukan rumah bakal suami I yang kaya raya sampai mampu membina rumah dengan ruang tamu yang gah seperti ini. Ini ruang menunggu di Yayasan Johawaki. Ye rakan-rakan. It's an office building and if you're a visitor you get to wait in this room before being ushered to wherever you are to go next. Johawaki ni is a construction company so no wonderlah dia boleh bina ruang menunggu yang gah seperti gambar di atas kan. Johawaki juga ada Yayasan di mana mere mengambil anak-anak angkat dari golongan anak-anak yatim dan orang susah dan men-sponsor pembelajaran mereka setiap bulan. Atau kalau you dalam kesusahan seperti rumah terbakar dan hilang semua harta benda dan tinggal sehelai sepinggang, anda juga boleh meminta bantuan dari yayasan ini. I juga dapat tahu yang kalau anda pelajar dan nak buat annual dinner dan nak mintak sponsor, anda juga boleh mintak sponsor dari mereka. Hebatkan? Jadi, kepada junior-junior ku sayang yang akan organise annual dinner MEBA untuk batch I next sem, please take note. I've got you one candidate for sponsorship.

Ok those are some random updates. Nak tahu tak, sekarang ni I tengah baca newspaper tentang issue PKFZ dan LPK sebab later I kena ceritakan kat Bos sebab dia tak sempat nak baca. Haha.

I'll definitely miss the scandalous clients as well.

2009-05-28T13:27:00.000+08:00

Can a person care too much?

I'm high and mighty and I don't care if it makes you sick

2009-05-27T18:19:00.003+08:00

Goodness me! I've been away for soooooooo long. You guys must've missed me crazy and must have been wondering what could have happened to Jehan Soraya who used to update her blog 3 - 4 times a day but not even once in the last 5 days. Well, I'm back people. Yet again. The thing is, I've been super busy with work. Yes. I might have only two more days left here at H & Co. but I am responsible enough a person not to leave this firm without the appropriate clearance. So besides been going back and forth for audit in Klang, I've also been busy re-checking all the clients I've handled for any pending work in progress. So far so good.

First of all, I can't believe that I am finally approaching the end of my service as a trainee. My last day is not even just around the corner. It's right smack in my face. Yay! Truth is, I really can hardly wait for this thing to be over. However on the other hand, there are things from this episode of my life that I'm going to miss. Like being mistaken for an auditor, for example. A real one. Somehow, maybe from the way I dress and carry myself (I don't drag on my sandals when I go meet clients. I put on a good pair of high clicking heels and dress up for it) clients were always assuming I'm the new auditor at H & Co. One time a client even ask an audit assistant if I was her senior. After that, everywhere she took me, she felt the need to introduce me as, "Ni Jehan. Trainee."

I love how this internship gave me the chance to practice and further enhance my personal and people skill. I find that - compared to most of my seniors - I interact quite well with people. I guess that's another reason why they mistake me as part of the staff most of the time. Like this afternoon when one of our bigger clients took us out for lunch at a yacht club in Klang. Our team (my boss, two seniors and I) sat at the same table with the Finance Manager and his assistant and another manager from the IT department. I ended up sitting beside the Manager of IT Department. They opened up a conversation about Haj and my boss started sharing his experience. I did my part - nodded at what they were saying, made eye contact, smile my sun-shiny smile, laughed at their jokes - and joined in the conversation once in a while when I find myself familiar with the topic they were discussing (to the extend where the Finance Manager said to my boss, "Wah, she knows quite a lot ha") , while my seniors decided to sit there and look timid which I think was their loss. Then the IT Manager asked me, "Have you been working with En. H long?" When I told her I was only a trainee, she said to my boss, "Hmmm...senang lah you dapat trainee yang cepat faham and belajar and boleh buat kerja." Which is not true at all because I've had my blonde moments when it comes to accounts but I totally fooled her into believing what a capable trainee I am. It's all about the confidence people. At the end of our lunch, she shook my hand and wished me luck for my final semester. My heart couldn't help but bloat.

And no matter how tiring it was, I will definitely miss the travelling. It was one thing I looked forward to instead of just sitting in the office the whole day. I got to go places I've never been and I will never find myself lost in Klang again. I might even be able to give you directions to Pulau Indah.

This experience has opened my eyes, taught me and matured me in ways I have never imagined. It made me realised things and opened my mind to options (other than audit, that is). Money couldn't buy this experience, and I got paid (however late it may be, still) to live it.

Two more days.

I'm glad this was a requirement.

I could have died from that attack, you know.

2009-05-22T10:44:00.004+08:00

Guess who's baaaack~~~

I've always had a weakness for Doctors. I mean, which girl wouldn't drool and go gaga at the sight of a deliciously handsome, (not necessarily young) men in white lab coats, walking around the hospital looking serious, yummy and important? But that's not the kind of weakness I'm talking about. I mean I do go gaga and drool over good looking doctors and daydream about being married to one (hahahaha) but that's another thing.

The thing is, I don't know why but somehow I always manage to tear up during consultations with doctors. Seriously. I cry every single time I go see a doctor for whatever sicknes I am feeling and whatever condition I am in, critical or otherwise. The only one time I managed to not cry was when I saw my gynea about the irregularities of my period and pre-menstrual cramps and that was only because Mama was with me and did part of the talking. There was this one time when I went to see a doctor about a pain I was feeling in my left breast and my housemate came with me into the consultation room (for moral support. Pain in the breasts is a serious issue and should not be taken lightly) and even that did not stop the tears from pooling in my eyes. When she asked me later why I had cried, I told her I don't know. It's a mystery even to me. She assumed it was because I was scared I might find out things I don't want to find out when it came to my breasts.

I haven't been feeling very well these past couple of weeks. I had flu and was sneezing the whole week, my boss even open the windows at the office to make sure my contaminated breath gets out. My condition worsen on Monday when I started coughing out blood. So I had no choice but to take an MC and go see a doctor. Since Abah had a physiotherapy session that morning, I decided to go along with him and see a doctor at HKL and was that a hassle. When I told the doctor I had blood in my mucus and phlegm, she just when, "Oh. Tak ada apa-apa kot tu. Takpe. Nanti kita bagi ubat." As if you cough out bloody phlegm every day. She didn't even torch her mini torchlight in my mouth to see whether my throat was okay. She prescribed me something to gargle and I continued to cough out bloody phlegm for 2 days after that. And yes, I did cry but managed to control it to a minimum, minus sobs. But tears did trickle down my cheeks.

Yesterday, I woke up with breathing troubles. I literally couldn't breathe and barely managed to gasp for air. My ventolin inhaler was no help (I seriously think the doctors need to prescribe me something stronger. Ventolin rarely ever works anymore). So there I was, on another trip to the clinic. A private practice this time. The doctor I saw was a fairly handsome Indian doctor, I guess from his eyes. I couldn't see the rest of his face because it was covered with a surgical mask. You know, swine flu and all. I entered the consultation room and sat down, looking like a fish out of water (literally. I couldn't breathe!) and the minute he said, "Okay, what do we have here?" tears started to well in my eyes and I was chanting to myself "Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry" over and over again. I told him I couldn't breathe and he told me to turn around so he could check my breathing and I totally cried right away! And when I turn back to face him he went, "When was the last time you had gas? Why are you crying?" with this look on his face that said "What's wrong with this girl weyh?" He even moved back a couple of inches. I was so embarassed, all I managed was, "I can't breathe..." and continued to cry. Hahaha. But they were just tears trickeling down my cheeks, mind you. I wasn't sobbing or anything. He must have thought me to be really weird. Like I was so scared I might pass out and die right there or something.

Then he put me on the nebulizer and everything was better again.

That's another thing about me you just knew.

And did I tell you how I love being on the nebulizer? Like I really love. It gives you this high and makes you feel really calm all over. I don't even mind the fact that I won't stop trembling after that. I wish I could walk into a clinic and be put on the nebulizer anytime I feel like it.

Now that's two things you just knew about me.

I rasa jiran sebelah rumah syok kat I

2009-05-14T09:21:00.003+08:00

Meet Dey. She doesn't give a damn. Haha (sabarlah. Jangan klik dulu. I tak habis cerita lagi kan? Tunggu I habis cerita baru klik ok? Tak aci lah I baru nak start cerita audience dah lari. Lain kali malas nak link sesiapa lagi). I dengki dengan Kak Yana sebab hidup dia sedap. Kak Yana baru kahwin a few months back. Malangnya I tak dapat menghadirkan diri ke majlis perkahwinannya di halaman rumah ibu bapanya sebab I ada masalah transportasi. So I wasn't there on her BIGDey.

Ha? Apa? Anda confuse? Owh, Dey dan Kak Yana adalah orang yang sama. Orang panggil dia Dey. I panggil dia Kak Yana. Okay?

Kenapa I kata I dengki sebab hidup dia sedap? Well, I spoke to her some time after her BIGDey. I tanya dia, "So Kak Yana, how's married life so far?" Kak Yana menjawab, "Oh, sangat sedap. Semuanya sedap. And I always get what I want *wink*." Okay, sebenarnya I tak ingat dia ada letak wink ke tak at the end of that sentence tapi I ingat that was exactly what she said. So I tanya lah dia, "Oh yeah? Apa yang sedap?" Kak Yana menjawab, "Haha. Nak tau kenalah kahwin." Hurmmm... Kak Yana tak nak berkongsi rahsia kesedapan hidup dia dengan I, maka I dengki dengan Kak Yana sebab dia hidup dalam kesedapan and she always gets what she wants.

Semoga Kak Yana and her Sailorman berbahagia sentiasa dan perkahwinan mereka dirahmati Allah dan mendapat ramai ramai ramai ramai miniDey+Sailorman dan akan terus sedaaaaaap hingga ke akhir hayat. Amin.

I tak tahu kenapa bila I buat introduction, mesti panjang berjela-jela. Sejak sekolah rendah sampai la masuk Universiti, I memang susah sikit nak pendekkan introduction I. I pernah tulis essay, paragraph introduction lagi panjang dari main points. Hmmm...

Okay, semua tu hanya selingan saja.

Masyarakat bertanya, (konon-konon je masyarakat sebab nak nampak extra penting. Padahal sorang je yang bertanya dan orang itu adalah kawan I) "Do you think you'll end up marrying En. Bintang Bolasepak?" I cakap dengan dia, "I don't know." Dia tak puas hati dan tanya I, "What's the point of being in a committed relationship if you're not going to marry the person you're with? It's a bit pointless don't you think? Kalau macam tu baik I have random boyfriends je."

Okay.

I faham kenapa kawan I tu berkata-kata begitu. Dia baru ditinggalkan oleh teman lelakinya because he feels that they are no longer compatible. They were nearing their 6th year anniversary and semua orang terkejut mereka berpisah sebab semua orang pun dah ingat akan terima kad jemputan perkahwinan mereka tahun depan. I pun tak pasti samaada it is possible to be compatible with someone in the beginning, and end up incompatible after a few years. I guess it is for most people. I tak nak comment lebih-lebih pasal tu.

But seriously, I don't know whether I'll end up marrying En. Bintang Bolasepak or not. Kami tak pernah berbincang pun lagi pasal hal tu sebab it's not our priority yet. En. Bintang Bolasepak pernah lah tanya I soalan seperti, "Sayang nak kahwin dengan I tak?" and "Agak-agak mas kahwin untuk anak Mami mahal tak?" tapi kami tak pernah membincangkannya secara serious. The truth is, I don't feel the need for us to do so, for now. We still have long roads ahead of us, plans yet to be realised and dreams yet to come true. Both of us want to achieve those things first, before we settle down.

Memanglah kalau you tanya I NAK kahwin dengan En. Bintang Bolasepak ke tak, I akan jawab, "Ye, sudah tentulah I nak," sebab I bercinta dengan dia. Mestilah I akan terasa macam nak kahwin dengan dia. Cuma I tak tahu samaada I AKAN kahwin dengan dia. Jodoh pertemuan kan di tangan Tuhan. Kita sebagai manusia hanya merancang.

Tentang persoalan "What's the point of being in a committed relationship with a person if in the end you break up?" tu memang I tak ada jawapan. I guess, that's just a risk you have to take. Who's to say we are going to be together forever? Who's to say we won't be together forever?Nobody knows. You committ to a person in relationship, well knowing that there are many possibilities to where your relationship might end up. You might end up marrying that person and live a happy marriage life, grow old together and pass on together; or you might marry the person you're in love with and your love might die after 10 years of marriage and you might end up going separate ways. You might end up not marrying him at all; or you may go your separate ways now and your paths might cross again in a few years time, and end up together again. Am I making any sense here?

The point is, we don't know what the future holds for us. Relationships and love are risky that way. Life is risky that way. We just have to be sure of and thankful for what we have now and take everyday as it comes. Memang I hangat bercinta sekarang. Tapi I tahu ada kemungkinan yang En. Bintang Bolasepak akan tinggalkan I, samada sebab dia jumpa orang yang dapat membahagiakan dia lebih dari I, atau sebab kami dah tak serasi bersama, atau sebab I membosankan dia. I juga tahu yang ada kemungkinan kami akan bahagia bersama sampai dua-dua mencapai kejayaan dalam kerjaya masing-masing, dan kami berkahwin, dan dapat ramai anak dan cucu, dan gembira sebagai suami isteri hingga ke akhir hayat. Atau mungkin I yang akan end up berkenalan dengan Awal Ashari (hahahahahahaha) dan akhirnya berkahwin dengannya. Semua kemungkinan tu ada cuma I tak tahu yang mana satu akan jadi masa depan I. Itu risiko yang kita semua kena hadap. In the end, we all wait and see.

Kawan I tu sebenarnya risau. Dia dah devote 5 years of her life to her ex, ignoring other guys. Tiba-tiba dia ditinggalkan. Dia kata "I'm at the age where I'm really not interested in meeting new people anymore. I'm tired of going through the whole routine of getting to know a person all over again." In case you're wondering, she's my age. In case you're still wondering, I'm 23. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and feelings. Mungkin itu apa yang dia rasa. Tapi bagi I, we are never too old to meet somebody new and restart our lives after a break up. Come on lah. Rosnah Mat Aris pun akhirnya berkahwin semula. Dengan orang muda pulak tu. Nenek yang kat Kelantan tu? Enough said.

I tahu, memanglah sedih lepas break-up. I faham sebab I pun pernah go through bad break-ups. Masa I bercinta dengan Bassist Terhebat Dalam Dunia dulu, I ingat I akan kahwin dengan dia jugak. In the end, dia tinggalkan I. I sedih. Tapi setahun je. Lepas tu I move on. Tapi tu dulu, zaman cinta monyet. Fikiran tak matang lagi, that's why setahun baru nak move on. Sekarang I dah boleh berfikir dengan rasional. So, it's okay to be sad for a while but don't wallow in your sadness. You have no choice but to pick up the broken pieces of your life as you knew it, put them back together and move on. Unless you dah bertunang and esok nak kahwin tapi akhirnya tunang you meninggal dunia atas katil hospital, then you boleh baring atas lantai toilet dan menangis tanpa henti selama beberapa hari. Even so, you still have to move on after that.

There are a million billion gazillion fish in the sea, so why not test the waters?

Okay, now you boleh klik link tadi.

In times of trial

2009-05-13T11:23:00.004+08:00

Last 2 weeks, my cousin found out that there was a tumor just outside his left kidneys and it's cancerous. My cousin is 10 years old. His biopsy results came out yesterday, a week after the scan and it was discovered that the tumor was Burkitt's Lymphoma. Burkitt's Lymphoma is a highly aggressive type of B-cell lymphoma (I don't know what that means either but am reading up more on it) that often starts and involves body parts other than the lymph nodes. Burkitt's Lymphoma comonly affects children and although it is fast growing in nature, it's curable with modern intensive treatments and therapies available. You can Google Burkitt's Lymphoma to find out more about it.

How serious is the cancer, we still don't know as he still has to go through a few more tests namely spinal chord, kidney and bone marrow to determine the level of the cancer.

The news came as a shock to his parents, like it would to any other parents of a formerly active 10 year old. I was shocked to hear it as well and got really emotional when I thought about all those chemotherapy he would have to go through and the effect it would have on him, being only a child. Although we are not close, I know my cousin as a really active kid who would run around with other cousins his age, playing games only they understood. It saddened me to see him lying there tired, with no motivation to do anything. It was more heart-wrenching when his sister told me that he kept asking his mother, "Why is this happening to me? Why do I have to go through this pain?" and he has not even started treatment yet.

The doctors told us that he would have to go throuh three cycles of chemo, each cycle being 3 weeks with a week lapse. I know from experience (with my Abah - not cancer, but still) that this is going to be a roller-coaster ride for the whole family - his especially - mentally and emotionally. At this point, he needs people around him to be positive and happy for him. It would demotivate him if he sees other people sad. It would make him wonder. But I know how difficult and sometimes impossible it is to keep a strong front and a smile on your face when your emotions are going through a turmoil. I know how hard it is to control your tear ducts and tell yourself not to cry in front of him when all you want to do is weep, seeing him in pain. I know because I've been through it and it was really, really difficult for me. But everyone else was strong for him. Everyone else was giving him encouragement and telling him not to give up (I did too, but in tears). Everyone else was positive for him. That somehow makes up a bit for MY wrecked emotions.

So that's what the rest of us have to do now. It's going to be really difficult for his family especially his mother. Therefore, the rest of us have no choice but to be their pillars of strength, giving them encouragement, telling him not to give up and that everything will be okay, InsyaAllah.

I just want to stress here how basic knowledge and effective communication is important when going through trials such as this. I may not know much but this is what I know.

We learned that my cousin has been suffering from pain in his abdomen since seven months ago. He was taken to see a doctor on every account. Doctors gave him medications for gastric and pain killers to ease his pain, but nothing worked. For seven months, they were going back and forth, seeing doctor after doctor untill recently, a doctor discovered the tumor. Seven months is a long time. Had someone found out about the tumor earlier, actions to cure it might have been taken earlier, preventing the lymphoma from growing bigger. Preventing the current situation.

The doctors have been giving him analgesics and pain killers because they didn't know that he had been feeling the pain for quite sometime. They didn't know because nobody told them (they went to different doctors. If it were the same doctor, I'm sure he would have sensed something was not right after the third or fourth visit. If not, then there must be something wrong with him).

But everything happens for a reason. I'm just saying that it is really important in my opinion, to give a brief but detailed information about your sickness or pain.

Prevention is better than cure, but early detection helps as well.

Out of the blue

2009-05-11T10:33:00.003+08:00

After discussing our schedules, En. Bintang Bolasepak and I found out that our social calendars are so packed on weekends that we'd only be able to see each other and go out on a proper date on the second weekend of June. That's still a loooooooooong time away. It's almost a forever wait.

He's in Klang and I'm here in Damansara and it's a long distance relationship.

*Sigh*

'Til then, I'll be missing you sayang (jangan tipu cakap you won't miss me 'coz I know you will).

Brown, Bogel and Boring.

2009-05-08T11:14:00.003+08:00

Semalam I pergi jumpa client kat Taman Tun Dr. Ismail (TTDI). I dah lama tak pusing-pusing TTDI sebenarnya. Kalau pergi pun cuma untuk ke Star Enterprise, pasar malam, atau hantar and ambik Si Kenit from school. Sejak pindah from TTDI ke Kota Damansara, I dah lama tak pusing-pusing TTDI.

Masa baru-baru pindah dulu, semua benda nak buat kat TTDI. Pergi supermarket kat TTDI, beli stationery kat TTDI. As if kat Kota Damansara tak ada kedai runcit yang juat pensel jugak. Adik-adik I pun sekolah kat TTDI walaupun masa tu transportation agak problem, tapi nak jugak sekolah kat TTDI. Kalau student UiTM akan kata TTDI di hati ku.

Jadi semalam, bila pusing-pusing TTDI mencari Lorong Rahim Kajai 12, I emosi. Serious emosi. Sebab semua jalan-jalan, lorong-lorong and bangunan-bangunan yang I lalu menggamit memori yang mencengkam jiwa. Okay, takda lah mencengkam sangat. Tapi bila teringat zaman - zaman masa tinggal dekat TTDI dulu, I jadi sedih.

Bertambah emosi bila rumah client tu betul-betul depan bangunan yang dalam gambar di atas.

Cantik kan bangunan tu? Macam sebuah rumah yang sangat zen dan peaceful. Kalau korang lalu kat tepi mesti lebih terasa kezen-an nya sebab pagar tepi dihiasi bamboo shoots. Sebenarnya bangunan ini bukanlah sebuah rumah yang uber modern tetapi sebaliknya adalah sebuah tadika. Masa I kecik-kecik dulu, I belajar kat tadika ni la. I could still recall the environment inside, eventhough I don't remember any of my teachers. Uniform dia dulu-dulu warna merah with sleeves like butterfly wings pastu ada line putih and biru. Dekat tengah-tengah chest ada logo butterfly. Boys pakai shirt putih and light blue shorts. Tu dulu. Sekarang I tak tahu macam mana rupa pakaian seragam dia. Mungkin se-zen buildingnya. Most of us yang tadika kat situ, went on to study in SKTTDI(1) tapi after standard 6, I parted ways with them sebab tukar sekolah. I really miss some of them and wish things could be different.

Tadika ni dulu lain. Dulu, dinding-dinding tadika ni dihiasi dengan gambar-gambar dan warna-warna ceria macam flowers, butterflies, cartoon characters. Bukan brown and bare and boring macam sekarang. Betul. And dulu-dulu dekat lawn dia ada playground. Ada slides, monkey bars. I ingat lagi I pernah jatuh luka teruk gila masa main monkey bars tu pastu nangis macam tak tau malu langsung. Tapi sekarang dah takde. Bukan playground lama dah takde, tapi dah takde playground langsung dah. Just bare land.

Mungkin kanak-kanak zaman sekarang dah tak layan playground. Maybe kat dalam ada tv lengkap dengan Astro, PS3, Xbox, Macs berderet-deret dengan internet connection so di masa senggang sementara menunggu parents/atok/pakcik bas/Aunty Maya (bawak van) ambik, mereka boleh bermain online games and download the latest songs into their i-pods.

Atau mungkin aktiviti lepas sekolah mereka adalah aerobic or yoga classes.

Bosannya.

I'm all for playgounds, anytime.

I sedih dan kecewa :'(

2009-05-06T16:51:00.004+08:00

Sebenarnya, untuk pengetahuan anda semua - walaupun pengetahuan ini tak akan menambah apa-apa value added advantage untuk diri anda - I sangat sedih hari ini. Sangat, sangat, sangat sedih dan kecewa. Tidak, I bukan sedih sebab Arsenal kalah di tangan Manchaster United (I bukan fan bola sangat pun. I tengok bola sebab orang keliling I tengok bola. I enjoy watching the game tapi kalau nak komen pasal teachnicalities, sorry. I'm a total bimbo there. 3 orang boyfriend menerangkan kepada I konsep 'off-side', tapi masuk penerangan ke empat dari boy-friend terbaru, baru I faham sikit-sikit apa yang dimaksudkan dengan off-side). I juga bukan kecewa sebab gaji tak masuk lagi dan poket kini hampir kering kontang. Tidak. Bukan itu sebab I sedih dan kecewa sangat hari ini.

Ada beberapa sebab kenapa I sedih dan sangat kecewa.

Pertama: I rasa I akan forever bodoh deferred tax. Serious, ini bukan main-main atau olok-olok atau tipu-tipu. Kenapa I mengaku begitu? Sebab sejak bulan pertama I jadi intern kat sini sampailah hari ni dah masuk bulan yang ke-enam dan terakhir, dah lebih 20 client I audit dan buat tax. Namun begitu, dukacita I rasa sebab dalam lebih 20 clients tu, satu je yang I berjaya balance-kan deferred taxnya. Yang lain, sorry. Kalau difference 20 sen takpe lagi. Ni sampai RM 43,357 macam agak melampau la kan. I pun tak tahu apa masalahnya. Dulu masa buat deferred tax dalam subject taxation, takda pulak masalah ni. Imbang je. Latihan I semua cantik je figure. Tapi kenapa sekarang mendatangkan masalah? Kenapa? (Ok harap maklum. Apa yang belajar kat kelas dulu sikit pun tak sama dengan dunia luar ok. Siapa yang berbangga sebab balance sheet masa console account asyik balance je semua, I'm telling you you should hilangkan rasa bangga dalam diri you tu sekarang jugak. Sebab adjustments dalam soalan exam tu semua, kacang putih je kalau nak dibandingkan dengan adjustments yang you kena buat dalam accounts sebenar. Pecah kepala I tell you).

Kedua: I kecewa dengan technological advancements. Lebih spesifik, I'm disappointed with what Facebook, Friendster, Myspace, Tagged and whatever other similar applications have reduced us to. I teringat masa I gi wedding dua pupu I a few months back dekat Dewan Merak Kayangan, Felda. Masa tu I was standing in line to congratulate the bride and groom. Line memang panjang sangat sebab kenduri tu belah lelaki and perempuan gabung, so just imagine lah dewan penuh. Terkedek-kedek I jalan ikut line tu. Nak melepaskan diri ikut lain, pintu lain semua tutup. Okay, that's beside the point. So masa tengah terkedek-kedek masing-masing, I terdengar perbualan dua orang uncles ni yang agak dah berpangkat atuk. At the end of the conversation, one atuk said to the other, "So, okaylah. I'll see you around for golf or something. Or at least I'll see you on Facebook."

Teruk kan? Memandangkan dah ada Facebook, pertemuan mata ke mata secara fizikal adalah tidak relevan lagi. Semua benda dah boleh buat kat Facebook. Yelah, ada orang dah memang tak connect dengan dunia luar langsung. Semua benda dia buat through Facebook and online. Tinggal makan and mandi je buat betul-betul sendiri. Yang I paling sedih, I'm seeing my cousins and nephews and nieces grow up right before my eyes - on Facebook. Tadi my cousin upload pictures of her daughter's fourth birthday and the latest addition to her family. Anak dia dah empat tahun. Tapi dalam empat tahun setelah kelahiran dia itu, I boleh kira dengan jari berapa kali I jumpa dia. Tapi kalau jumpa kat Facebook memang kalau I ada tangan empat pun tak terbilang jumlahnya. I bet kalau dia tengok I pun dia tak sure I ni siapa. I've never met her brother. Setakat ni, I ada 3 orang anak buah yang I tak pernah jumpa secara fizikal tapi dah tengok kat Facebook. Sedih tak? Sedih kan?

I sedih dan kecewa.

Here's to Happiness

2009-05-06T10:30:00.004+08:00

Inspired by the rockstar diaries.

What makes me happy? I am usually easily amused, by little things in my everyday life, such as:-

The smell of rain.
Cameras - any kind, whoever they belong to (I never fail to smile my sunshine bright smile at the sight of a camera capturing me, no matter how gloomy I may be).
The smell of freshly cut grass.
Hearing En. Bintang Bolasepak's voice after a long period of absence.
Just hearing En. Bintang Bolasepak's voice.
My dad, cracking one of his jokes (he sometimes comes up with riddles that even he has no answer to).
Being the centre of attention.
Making strangers smile.
Sri Talamaz's success.
Spontaneous trips to watch sunrises.
Curling in bed with his t-shirt and a good book.
Being in bookstores.
Arts & crafts.
Reese's Peanutbuttercups (I love love love love love LOVE!)
The smell of old, well kept books.
Making people laugh.
My girls.
Feeling needed and appreciated.
Seeing Hariz.
Good food.

Those are only some of the things that never fail to cheer me up. What makes you happy?

Remember me? It's me! Please remember.

2009-05-05T17:17:00.004+08:00

First of all, this book has no relations what-so-ever to the Shopaholic series. Different characters, different story.

This book is about Lexi Smart, who after an accident, wakes up to find herself 3 years in the future. All of a sudden, from a girl working in carpet manufacturing earning less than 20,000 annually she wakes up to be an iron lady, married to a handsome and wealthy real-estate entrepeneur, and living life on the fabulous lane. She finally has everything she had only ever dreamt of - a high-paying job, a fantastic husband who's not only handsome but also rich and well-mannered and almost perfect, a big-ass loft-style living house, a Mercedes convertible, diamonds and a housekeeper who does everything for her. What more could a girl ask for right?

Wrong.

Just to make things clear, she wasn't transported 3 years into the future through time warp or anything of that sort, okay? Lexi had an accident and woke up with amnesia, her last memory being a night of partying with friends three years ago.

So now, Lexi has everything. However, she finds that nothing is what they may seem or what she had expected. Her house is great but it's not exactly home; she's a stranger to herself; her husband may appear to be perfection but what layed beneath turned out as a surprise (he invoiced her for a broken vase); and could she really be having an affair with her husband's hot hot hot employee?

Remember me? was an enjoyable enough read for me to finish it in one and a half days (that and because I was not up to anything else).

You know how we human beings are never thankful for what we have? No matter how rich or how happy we are, nothing seems to be enough. It's hard to find people nowadays who are contented with their lives. We're always striving, working towards more. More money, bigger houses, better sex life, hotter girlfriends, wealthier husbands, more money, more money.

In this book, Lexi finds herself having everything she ever wanted and envied in other people, but somehow she's not happy and finds herself wanting her old self, her old friends, her old life back.

I'm not saying we shouldn't work harder for a better life or anything like that. No. I'm all about making more money.

All I'm saying is, we should always be thankful and count our blessings. No matter what the Almighty puts us through, no matter how hard, we should remember that there is a reason for everything and HE knows best.

OKAY?

This is how i spent my weekend and I thought it was great.

2009-05-04T11:11:00.004+08:00

I had what I would call a good weekend. It was a long weekend to begin with since Friday was labour day. So that added to the goodness. My cousin texted on Thursday asking if it was possible for us to meet up Friday night for a belated celebration of my sister's birthday. Of course we could!

We had planned to meet for dinner but I asked them if we could please reschedule because I really wanted to drop by that Zara warehouse sale in Cineleisure 'coz I heard they had really good bargains (yes, unlike some people who can afford Zara on a weekly basis, I wait for sales like this). I'm not actually a fan of Zara but come on! It's a warehouse sale for goodness sake!!! Who cares what brand it is for, right? So we gathered at my house and left at around 3 or so (I actually don't remember what time we left the house).

I had made an appointment with one of my customers (Yes!! I'm excited that I sold two of my Secondhand Books For Sale!!! And the buyer was happy with her purchases. TQ!!) to meet her in IKANO so once we got to The Curve, I separated from the group. After making our exchange and parting ways with Lynda, I was determined to find that Zara sale, so I went ahead without informing the group because I thought that was the plan - Go to Zara sale, go crazy, eat, get bloated, walk some more. But I thought wrong.

This is me, finally spotting the sale and in line. The glowing light you see is where the sale is.

What a long line right? So I was in line - by this time I had already told my sister where I was and informed her that "..the line is freaking long so you guys better get here quick, I'm already in line." I was patiently waiting and the line was actually moving at a not-so-slow pace (I think they let in about 5 or 10 people at a time) and I finally got so close that I could see the entrance and the security guarding it and caught glimpses of items in the store. I was anxious to get in and wondering where these people were because if they get here when I'm already inside then it's too bad for them. The line moves again and there were like, 12 people ahead of me. I was soooooooo close. So very very very close when my phone suddenly rang. It was my sister telling me that "We're already at Paddingtons. Everyone's here already." "But I'm almost inside!" I told her. "So? We can line-up together later." No way! There was no way I was going to wait another hour in that line when I'm already almost inside, I could feel the air-conditioning. I left the line. After all that, I just walked out of the line. The guy behind me had a "Is this girl for real?" look on his face when I turned and said "Excuse me, could you please let me pass." In the end, we all figured that it was not worth it to line up together just to get into a fight over a last pair of skinny jeans. In fact, I even saw people leaving empty handed earlier. Maybe next time (when we are determined enough to get up early and start lining up at 9a.m. Now, not so).

I don't remember what this dish is called but it's #406 on the menu and simply delicious!

The late lunch at Paddingtons was great, as all our lunches and dinners go. We talked, laughed, annoyed the waiter, made ourselves at home (we were clearing the table and getting fresh plates on our own), talked some more, laughed louder, and OMG ate so much!!! All in all we had a fantastic time. By the end of the lunch, we were all bloated and couldn't even sit straight.

I went out with En. Bintang Bolasepak on Saturday because we had other things to do on Sunday and it turns out that Clan Merican do not hold tahlil sessions on first Saturdays of the months so I had Saturday free. We went to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Wolverine is so hot! I had our tickets reserved because I anticipated that the crowd would be crazy but it was no use because I got the time all wrong and instead of reserving tickets for the 1 p.m show, I made reservations for 1a.m. Not a genius moment there. Tickets for the show at the box office were selling super fast and all that was left were front row seats. I was so disappointed 'coz I've been looking forward to it since the last two Thursdays, so we had no other choice but to watch it Gold Class. Haha. (As if watching it next weekend is not an option). Nothing to hype about GSC's Gold Class hall. No complimentary drinks or internet access or massage chairs or XBox for pre-show entertainment. You just get to sit in the lounge. So it wasn't really worth the RM40 but we've always wanted to try and see what it was like, and we did. Next try, Cathay's Platinum Class. I heard it's fantastic. After movies, he took me for waffles and ice cream and he had rootbeer float at A&W. I don't know why but we felt like the quality of the food there has deteriorated. The ice-cream was tasteless and so was the rootbeer. Could it be one of A&W's effort to reduce the sugar intake in Malaysians? Later, we shared Famous Amos' No Nut Chocolate Chip cookies and watched the sunset. Hahaha. No, there was no sunset involved. Then he sent me home and I had to say goodbye to him (which I hate, every single time).

Bila berdiri sebelah En. Bintang Bolasepak, terasa diri ini cerah terang benderang. Hehe. - Gambar hiasan

My Aunty Sal was at home when I got there. She had just returned from her trip to Turkey the night before. No, she did not bring along my handsome Turkish man. We were afraid the others might get jealous. Hahaha. It's always nice to see and talk to her.

I stayed in on Sunday. I spent most of my Sunday curled up in bed with Sophie Kinsella's Remember Me? which I bought on Friday. I started it Saturday night and finished it by Sunday evening. It was a page-turner. I might do a review on it, if I can find the time.

That was how I spent my weekend and I thought it was great.

I feel like this is a really lame entry, I don't know why. But whatever, I just had to post something. I think I have a disorder. It's like, I cannot log on to my blogger. If I do, it's impossile for me to fight the urge of posting something, no matter how crappy it is. Like this one right here.

By the way, somehow "What always works? Teamwork!" doesn't sound as wrong as "Apa yang penting? Kerjasama!"

e-Filing lah hari ini!

2009-04-30T14:26:00.003+08:00

They say patience is a virtue. Well, let me just come out and confess to you that I am definitely not a virtuous person. Each and every one of us has different tolerance towards being tested. Mine is almost minimum. Tahap kesabaran I sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat sangatlah rendah.

I tak suka tunggu orang lama-lama. I sangat tak sabar kalau I janji dengan someone and dia muncul lambat. Nanti mulalah I agitated. Nak fidget sana fidget sini. Kalau tengah duduk, kaki mesti tak boleh duduk diam. Asyik nak vibrate. I tak suka tunggu orang sebab I tak suka orang tunggu I. If I have the power, I will make sure I try my hardest not to be late to meet someone or get somewhere. Selalunya kalau I lambat tu maknanya I was depending on someone else to get me there. Tapi selalunya kalau I lambat, I akan rasa sangat bersalah dan akan mintak maaf berkali-kali sebab rasa terlalu bersalah.

I jugak tak sabar kalau order makanan kena tunggu lebih 30 minit sebelum makanan I sampai. Ni memang I paling pantang. Tak kira lah makanan tu I yang order ke atau orang lain yang duduk satu meja dengan I yang order. I memang tak suka makanan sampai lambat. Bertambah tak suka bila makanan tak sampai-sampai lepas 30 minit lepas tu bila panggil tanya, waitress kat situ buat muka tak puas hati lepas tu pergi dapur untuk buat apa tak tahu. Sekali bila dah keluar dari dapur bukannya nak datang kat kita mintak maaf and bagitahu status order tu. Terus pergi bertenggek kat kaunter and flirt dengan bangla buat air. Lepas tu after 10 minutes order tak sampai-sampai jugak (padahal meja sebelah yang datang kemudian dah habis makan dah pun) and kita panggil dia nak tanya lagi sekali, siap buat muka panas lepas tu hentak-hentak kaki and tolak pintu kitchen macam dia Incredible Hulk yang marah habis sebab customer sorang ni menyusahkan hidup dia nak jalan pergi balik ke dapur and potong stim dia nak flirt dengan bangla tu. Then 10 minutes after that, dengan muka masam letak pinggan atas meja without even apologising and terus bergegas ke kaunter semula untuk sambung sesi menggatal yang terbantut tadi. Pada pendapat I, sesedap mana pun makanan di sesebuah restoran atau tempat makan, kalau servis menguji kesabaran macam ni, susah nak bertahan ok. That's what we told the manager and he wasn't even THAT apologetic. Good luck to you Mister.

Kawan-kawan I selalu cuak kalau makanan I sampai lambat. Ana akan cakap, "Jay, sabar Jay. Jangan mengamuk. Kita takuuuuuut." Hahaha. Kesian Ana. Kita sayang awak.

Ye, I memang bukan orang yang paling sabar dalam dunia. Dan pada saat dan ketika ini, laman sesawang Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri (LHDN) sedang menguji kesabaran I tahap yang paling maksimum. Gua tak tipu. Dah tak tahu nak sabar macam mana lagi dah. Dah tiga hari berturut-turut macam ni. Dah la hari ni hari terakhir untuk buat e-filing.

Kalau anda nak tahu, LHDN, dalam usaha menggalakkan dan memudahkan pembayaran cukai oleh individu-individu, telah memperkenalkan sistem taksiran sendiri melalui e-filing. Tapi macam haram! Sakit hatinyaaaaaaaaaaaaa tak terkata. In the past four days, it has taken me more than 30 hours to file for 60 clients. Kalau tulis tangan secara manual, hari Selasa dah siap dah. The pages take eternities to load and I'm not lying. It's like, I login then bangun buat air, makan biskut, pergi toilet jap, duduk balik, Facebook, baring atas meja, ooooops tertidur, terbangun and guess what??? Skrin masih blank dan loading bar tu macam terkedek-kedek je gerak. Kami pun beramai-ramai memerhati skrin yang blank dengan penuh harapan. Akhirnya selepas hampir 15 minit, berjaya ke langkah seterusnya!!! Jadi tangan pun lajulah mengisi pendapatan, dividen and apa-apa yang patut kemudian dengan lafaz bismillah klik "Simpan & teruskan" untuk ke paparan seterusnya. This time I sempat turun beli kuih kat bawah lagi, bila naik skrin masih blank. Buat air teh o' untuk satu office. Tiba-tiba...I nampak something on the skrin. "Sesi anda akan tamat dalam masa 13,12,11,10,9..." WTF??? Hello LHDN!!! You're the one who took forever to load, tu pun tak load and then you dare tell me my sesi dah nak tamat????!! What is this man? Seriously. Now I have to go through the whole cycle all over again. Akhirnya dalam sehari waktu bekerja selama 8 jam, I hanya berjaya isi form e-BE untuk 4 orang je. Can you believe it??? 4 orang dalam masa 8 jam!!! Walaupun ada 5 orang buat e-filing menggunakan 8 pc, hasil dalam sehari kurang dari 20 forms yang berjaya di isi. Tensi!!!

Astaghfirullahalazim.

Then tiba-tiba, just because website LHDN nak tunjuk hebat dengan sengaja melembabkan diri, semua benda lain pun nak lembab. Memandangkan I hebat bermulti-tasking (sebab memang satu pembaziran masa kalau nak melayan kelembaban LHDN ni) I pun isi la form 8A for SOCSO. The first two forms okay je, tapi masuk form yang ketiga PDF ni cari pasal pulak. 10 minutes to open a single file is not funny ok Mr. PDF. Don't mess with me! 10 minit nak bukak satu hal. Bila nak print, ya ampuuuuuuuuuuuun. Tak taulah nak cakap apa. Sampai dah tertidur tunggu. Seriously, perlu ke? Saya rasa tak perlu kot.

Kesian seniors I terpaksa stay kat office last night from 11p.m 'til 5a.m this morning sebab according to LHDN "Waktu paling sesuai untuk melakukan e-Filing adalah dari jam 1 pagi hingga 7 pagi. Haram maklum." Tu pun terkedek-kedek jugak, I dengar.

LHDN, I'm warning you, if the forms are submitted after the due time, don't you dare blame me. I'm not the one taking 7 eternities to load and losing all keyed-in information. Kalau mereka ini kena penalty, siap you!

Ralat my foot.

Yes, I am not the most patient person you know. But how far can YOU take this? Jangan nak tipu kata you tak kisah pun nak tunggu lama-lama menghadap benda ni walaupun hari ni last day untuk submit and ada lagi 15 orang yang belum settle. Sebab kalau you cakap macam tu, sikit pun I takkan percaya.

And guess what, their e-filing help-line - I think it does not exist.

Secondhand Books For SALE!!!

2009-04-29T10:10:00.008+08:00

Seconhand Books For SALE!!!

Yes people. You read correctly. I have secondhand books for sale. Here's the thing. After thorough calculations, I discovered that in three years, I have spent more than RM2000 on books. I know books can be rather expensive to some who would prefer to purchase them secondhand. So I am offering that alternative to my dear readers. That, and the fact that my book-shelf is in dire need of de-cluttering.

Those who know me well know that my books are some of my most precious possessions. Therefore, this decision to let go of them was not an easy one. I'm selling them off to you because it makes me feel better that they are going to be in the care of people who are as passionate about reading and books as I am. Because they are my most precious possesions, all my books are in excellent condition. Some of them are wrapped. So they are as good as new accept for the yellowed pages. Below is a list of books available. If you are interested in purchasing them, please e-mail me at jehaniskandar@gmail.com with the title "Let me have them!"

James Patterson - 4th of July (RM15)

James Patterson - The 5th Horseman (RM15)
John Grisham - The King of Torts (RM15)
Sandra Brown - Words of Silk (RM10)
Linda Howard - Cover of Night (RM15)
Nora Roberts writing as J.D Robb - Purity in Death (RM10)
Meg Cabot - Ready or Not - An All American Girl Book (Hardcover - RM 30) - this book looks practically new. The cover jacket is still intact and in shape. The pages are not even yellow. It's on retail at RM59 so this is really a steal if you ask me.
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - Citizen Girl (RM15)
Nisha Minhas - The Marriage Market (RM15)
Katie MacAlister - The Corset Diaries (RM10)
Susan Donovan - He Loves Lucy (RM10) - Also an LBD book and practically brand new with still creamy white crisp pages.
Stephen King - The Girl Who Loves Tom Gordon (RM5)
Rod Liddle - Too Beautiful For You (RM15)

These are my favourites and the hardest to let go :(

Lara M. Zeises - Bringing Up The Bones (RM10)
Rachel Cohn - Shrimp (RM10)
Mariah Fredericks - The True Meaning of Cleavage (RM10)
Sarra Manning - Pretty Things (RM10)
Louis Rennison - On The Bright Side, I'm Now The Girlfriend of A Sex God (RM10)

As I mentioned earlier, all my books are in excellent condition (unless stated otherwise) except for the slightly yellowed pages. And when I say they look brand new, they really do. So if any of you are interested in any of the titles, feel free to e-mail me at jehaniskandar@gmail.com with the title "Let me have them!" (exclamation mark included). If you want to see the condition of the book, please mention so in your e-mail and I'll attached photos with my reply.

Prices are fixed and non-negotiable.
Books will have to be paid for first before they are being mailed to you. Postage charges are RM5 flat. Banking details will be given through email once you have confirmed to purchase.
If you live around Kota Damansara, Tropicana, Bandar Sri Damansara, TTDI c.o.d can be arranged.
C.O.D can also be arranged on weekends at One Utama, The Curve, Ikano Power Centre and IKEA.
C.O.D is available at Sunway Medical Centre on Saturdays.

I don't know what else to include in the T&C because I've never sold anything online before. Hahaha. Anyways, I assure you that you won't regret your purchases. For any enquiries at all, please do not hesitate to email me at jehaniskandar@gmail.com. Indulge in your favourite hobby for less today!

I'll be waiting.

I don't think I need The Pink Book. I'm fine where I am

2009-04-28T15:52:00.003+08:00

Tips-tips ini mungkin berkesan untuk sesetengah orang and might not work for others. Walaupun tak mendatangkan impact Tsunami kepada hidup anda, tapi ia mungkin dapat membantu sedikit-sebanyak menguatkan lagi ombak tu.

1. Buat baik dengan semua orang. Walaupun anda pernah dengar orang tu berkata dia tak suka anda sebab rasa anda macam attention-seeker atau anda sombong atau anda gemuk. Pedulikan. As long as you know you did not do anything wrong towards that person, then you don't have to bother. Just be nice. As they say, "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" (walaupun pada hakikatnya mereka bukan enemies anda tapi cuma tak suka akan anda).

2. Sentiasa mempamerkan senyuman anda yang paling menawan. Jangan risau, kadang-kadang bila saya tertalu terlalu bad mood, saya pun fail di sini. Tapi yang penting patut anda tahu, senyuman perlu tidak lekang dari bibir. Walaupun pagi tadi anda bergaduh besar dengan adik anda atau pun malam semalam kekaseh hati tertidur sehingga terlupa untuk call anda. The most important thing to remember when you go out to meet your public is to smile.

3. Be friendlly. Kalau anda jumpa seseorang atau terserempak dengan seseorang (walaupun sebelum ni hanya pernah jumpa orang tu sekali je selama 3 minit), janganlah memalingkan muka dan pura-pura tak kenal dengan orang tu (kadang-kadang saya buat benda ni tapi ONLY IF I OWE THAT PERSON SOMETHING LIKE LAPORAN MAJLIS INDUKSI MEBA YANG DUE 2 DAYS AGO). Kalau boleh tegur la, sekadar say hi. Tak mati pun kan? Kalau orang tu tak ingat anda, tak payah la malu. Cuba ceritakan balik how you know each other and I'm very sure he/she will recall your acquaintances. Kalau dia tak dapat recall pun takpe. Sekurang-kurangnya lain kali bila anda tegur, boleh ungkit "Ingat tak I tegur you haritu tapi you tak ingat I."

4. Be active. Bukan saja berpersatuan tapi jugak dalam hal-hal lain. Even in class. Anda sendiri tahu yang sesetengah pensyarah akan bagi extra points for class participation. Therefore, it is a really good thing if you volunteer to answer questions and mix around with other people in your class other than those sitting next to you. Kalau lecturer bukak topic discussion, sumbanglah idea. There is no right or wrong opinions. It is what you think of something so takde orang boleh cakap yang apa you rasa tu adalah salah. I ingat lagi sem lepas I dan kawan-kawan selalu gaduh dengan lecturer Ethics sebab dia cakap OPINIONS kitaorang salah. Dah dalam soalan "Give your opinion..." kita pun bagila our opinions.Sekali cakap salah. Mana boleh macam tu! Kalau jawab soalan pun jangan takut salah. Tu semua mentaliti kanak-kanak darjah tiga - takut kena gelak kalau jawab salah. Kita dah masuk universiti. Bakal mahasiswa. Kalau nak gelakkan kesalahan orang jugak, I tak taulah nak cakap apa. We are all here to learn. And the best way to learn is from each other kan? So don't be afraid of embarrassing yourself. Plus, kalau you active, you akan lebih dikenali oleh lecturers. And believe me, there are a lot of advantages to that.

Active dalam persatuan juga adalah sesuatu yang sangat penting. Jangan takut untuk join persatuan just because kawan-kawan anda tak join persatuan yang sama. Kalau asyik nak depend on kawan-kawan, tak ke mana lah. Kalau minat nak berbahas tapi takde kawan-kawan yang minat jugak, takpelah. Join je la kelab debat tu. Buat kawan-kawan baru dalam kelab tu. Don't limit yourself to just one group of friends. Expand your horizons. Diversify. Plus, this is where you make connections. As we all know, the most important thing to survive the world is your connections. It's no longer about who you are, it's about who you know.

5. Marketing. Believe it or not but presenting yourself in an attractive way and carrying yourself in a confident manner is the best way to market yourself. By attractive I don't mean revealing clothes or "less is more" (as in less cloth). Make yourself presentable. Don't wait for "presentation days" to dress yourself in bright colors or smart shirts. Always be presentable. You don't have to put on tons of makeup. You just have to look nice. Research has proven that human beings are attracted to pretty things initially. Therefore, in order for you to attract attention, look pretty. You don't have to be drop dead gorgeous to look nice okay. Just make sure your hair is in place and your shirt's ironed and you don't look like you left for class without bathing first. And of course, that smile.

I make it a point to dress up to class. Pada hakikatnya orang akan kata, "Alah, gi kelas je. Buat apa nak lawa-lawa." Well, biar saya beritahu kenapa nak lawa-lawa. a) Saya mewakili bukan sahaja UiTM malah pelajar-pelajar Universiti yang lain. Bila orang tengok saya yang berpakaian seperti seorang professional, seorang pelajar UiTM, bakal pemimpin negara, orang akan berkata, "Wah. Ini pelajar UiTM. Bakal memimpin negara. And I don't see why not." Cuba kalau saya berpakaian selekeh? Mesti orang akan berkata, "Ha?? Macam ni ke bakal pemimpin negara?" b) Would people take you seriously if you dress like you're going to the pasar malam? c) Tak ada sebab lain dah kecuali, well...people notice you.

6. Jadilah diri anda sendiri. It's ok to be a little bit hypocrite sometimes. All of us are, to survive. Tapi janganlah hipokrit melampau-lampau sampai kalau tanya dua orang yang berlainan tentang anda, mereka akan memberikan diskripsi dua individu yang berbeza terus. I believe that you can't make others happy if you are not happy with yourself. Yakin dengan diri anda sendiri, dengan potensi dan kebolehan anda. Jangan asyik nak menjatuhkan diri sendiri. Kalau kita tak angkat diri sendiri, ingat ada orang lain ke nak angkat kita? Takde. Tambahan pula kalau kita berat. Janganlah harap. Semuanya bergantung pada usaha and kemahuan kita sendiri kan? Hidup mesti confident. Kalau asyik takut, malu dan tak yakin, kita takkan ke mana. Di bawah selama-lamanya.

Until next time. *senyumanpalingmenawandalamdunia*

My life would suck without you.

2009-04-28T12:11:00.010+08:00

I have a problem with people who ditch their friends for their girl/boyfriends. I'm sure you have friends who are too absorbed with their relationships that they find excuses not to do things with their friends but can always make time for their girlfriends or boyfriends. I have a problem with people like that. I know a lot of other people do too and a lot of times I find myself worrying that I might turn into one of those. I don't want!

I totally understand that when you are in love, especially in the early stages, you tend to get a little too engrossed in your relationships. Of course you do. He's your soulmate, your everything. He makes you laugh, he makes you happy. It's only natural that you get your whole world to revolve around him. But it is not a reason for you to shut your friends out of your life. Sure, he's the only one who understands you (or so you thought) and suddenly your best friends since 11 years ago "don't get it" and are "just jealous of my happiness" when they tell you that you don't talk like you used to anymore or that you're spending too much time with "The Boyfriend".

But let me ask you a question. Who's going to be there for you when your "soulmate" leaves you because he thought you were too clingy? Who's going to help you pick up the strewn pieces and help you put your life back together when "The Love Your Life" decides that you are NOT the love of HIS life and he is better of with that byatch from Arts & Design? Whose number do you dial first when he tells you that "it's over" and your world suddenly turns black? Whose number would be crossing your mind then? Whose name would repeat itself a million times in your head?

Yes, that would be the same best friend of 11 years whom you told to "shut up and mind your own business because you don't understand what it's like to be in love like this." And that same friend would still be there for you, even after all that hell you put her through. She would still be there for you, as always, offering her shoulder for you to lean and cry on, and her ears to listen to you rat out about that ass who broke your heart to pieces.

I have a problem with people like this. That is why I try my best to balance out my time with my girlfriends and En. Bintang Bolasepak. So far, I don't have any difficulties doing so, YET. It's managing my time between different groups of friends that are giving me problems. But that's another story. So, yes. Unless I had made prior arrangements with En. Bintang Bolasepak or had Clan Merican enggagements or was not allowed out by Abah because I had not finished or done my chores or was broke to my last 5 cents or there was a possibility of me coming back after my curfew or I had gone out 5 days in a row or had no form of transportation to get where they had planned to meet, I always try to fill in invitations to hang out with my girlfriends and guyfriends.

Because I have a problem with people who ditch their friends for their girlfriends/boyfriends, I am glad that En. Bintang Bolasepak and I have things we like to do that are not in common. I think that this gives us just the right amount of space to have freedom for ourselves and not be too INTO our relationship. Sure, the first 3 months we saw each other every week and the first month when we were both in Melaka, we saw each other every single day, but as the months passed, we learnt that we do need time away from each other sometimes. It also means that we don't have to make it a reason to do everything with each other just because we like all the same things.

For instance, we both enjoy movies and food so we do that together. We pick movie titles and places to eat unanimously. If he doesn't want to watch Talentime then I don't make him and if I say I don't want to see Friday the 13th, he gets off my case. I love reading novels, he enjoys the company of comics and mangas so we could still spend time together at bookstores. He hates shopping but loves seeing me try on clothes and is amused when I go oooh-aaah at shoes and bags so he doesn't mind going shopping with me. He plays futsal and I don't but I love seeing him play and supporting him on the field so I usually don't mind following him to tournaments and games. I enjoy watching theatres but he doesn't. I know he wouldn't mind accompanying me to a show but he just wouldn't enjoy it. I wouldn't want him to put me through the misery of being forced to do something I don't like to, so I don't do it to him. It's as simple as that. So, I go and watch theatres with other people, like my girlfriends or cousins. He loves going to skinhead gigs, and I hate being in too crowded places with other people's bodies bumping against me and hands groping around. So he does that with his friends who enjoy it as much as he does. When I go with him to watch football at mamak stalls, he normally ignores me so I let him do that with his friends too. Sometimes, I don't feel like movies but just prefer to sit and talk so we do exactly that.

So, please don't say that we only do what he likes or that I am only being defensive when I say we don't because we really don't. This is just a healthy way to keep things fresh in our relationship. Among other things, it also means that we trust each other enough to give one another that much needed breathing space which a lot of failed relationships lack (I admit that I still like to know where he is and what he's doing but I don't bug him with "Where are you?" or "Are you home yet?" every 15 minutes). The things I can't and don't do with him, I do with my friends and other people who are as fun-loving as I am and whose company I enjoy just as much and sometimes, even better. This way, I don't suffocate him and he doesn't bore me.

I don't know about you, but this is my point of view (wow, I rhyme).

To all my good friends, I apologise if in the course of our friendship at any point in time at all, I had shown potential in becoming one of those friend-ditchers. I hope I've never made u feel like I ditched you but if I have then I'm truly sorry for no guy can ever replace your places in my heart. I love all of you very much.

I'm just saying that love might last 10 years, 70 years, eternally or even 2 months but all of us know that true friendships really last forever.

My life would definitely suck without you, bestfriends.

Attention: Mohd 'Bern' Hazwan.

2009-04-28T11:24:00.003+08:00

Bern, this is a public plea. Please listen. Can you please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please get me this before you get back in June? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. I'll pay you back. Or I can transfer you the money if you're flat broke that if you get it for me you'd have no money to eat for 5 days. Pleeeeeease. It is really important that I get it. God knows when it's coming out in Malaysia. It's not even on MPH or Borders' coming soon list pun lagi. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. You wouldn't want to see me die of a broken heart because I didn't get to read it right? RIGHT? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease please please please Bern (imagine me on my knees and begging you with my ugly begging face). You know you are makhluk tuhan paling sexxay dan handsome dan bersuara paling sedap macam burung tiong dan pandai menyanyi dan boyfriend Nana yang terpaling baik dan best dan bijak dan sopan santun dan menakjubkan dalam dunia ni and selamanya (semua orang sila agree with me dan tepuk tangan untuk Bern). So who else would I ask for help but Nana's amazing, fantastic, ultra fabulous boyfriend?

p/s: Nana, if Bern's not reading this, you know what to do. Play your part and seduce him dengan lebih lanjut please.

Sometimes, change is good (Jehan, please stop eating like you're Mary-Kate Olsen trying to put on some pounds)

2009-04-28T10:07:00.004+08:00

Finally, those 5 buttercream cupcakes (they were mini sized!), 3 bananas, 2 ice-cream potong, a plate of rojak mamak and a plate of fried meehoon with sausages are showing what special effects they can do to my body. I looked in the mirror last night and my tummy was sooooooo bloated, it was unbelievable. It wasn't even cute anymore. Seriously. Immediately after that, I felt like fasting for 3 months. Crazy I know. The thing is, when I tell people that I'm trying to lose weight they go, "What for?It's not like you're fat. You're just a little chubby." Of course you don't see that I'm fat. It's because you can't see all these flabs and excess fat because they are covered with layers of clothing and I suck my tummy in most of the time (this has actually become a habit that sometimes I don't even realise that I'm sucking my tummy in and holding my breath. I can walk all day like that without suffocating).

You know what my problem is? I want to lose weight but I don't really WANT it want it. I mean, I know that losing weight is not just about not eating for a month and going jogging a few times. It's not. It's about changing. Chamging your eating habits, your lifestyle, being disciplined, changing your beliefs. It's about changing your life. If I just say I want to lose weight but then go on eating all this fried, greasy food and sweet delights while telling myself "just this once", it won't happen. If I know that I have to exercise but keep making excuses such as "I've been too busy this week. I couldn't find the time to exercise. I'll do it tomorrow," then I am not getting healthier. I'm just going to stay this way or maybe turn out worse. I do not want to be 25 and weigh 200 pounds. I want to be healthy and have a hot bod while I'm still young and able and be healthy and look fabulous still at 50. I want to feel the pride when people tell me that I look like my daughter/son's older sister, like what my mom always gets from strangers.

My body has no control over me. I have to start taking control of my self!

I was once mistaken for my mom's older sister. Enough said.

Ganu Kite

2009-04-27T12:18:00.002+08:00

Nak tahu tak? Kalau orang Terengganu memesan minuman dari restoran milik anda/bos anda dengan berkata, "Air Geh Tujuh Yu Pi se," dalam bahasa Melayu bermaksud, "Air 7Up satu." Hahahaha. 7 Up. Comel kan? Dan kalau dia memanggil anda "Itang Lengit" maksudnya da panggil anda hitam legam. Hehehe.

Semua ini saya belajar dari sini.

I ate a bowl of 'Bitchy' this morning

2009-04-27T11:14:00.003+08:00

Someone (I forgot who) once said, "We dislike in others what we hate in ourselves." I remember this every single time I begin to think of making judgement on someone. But being human, most of the time I judge anyways.

This is a reminder to myself mostly, and also to those out there who would take it as a reminder. Please do not whine about how you've been mistreated and used as a shoulder to cry on only when someone is having problems. Don't complain about how when they're happy with their lives, they ignore you. Just don't because newsflash, you are like that yourself.

Life's a bitch. Deal with it.

Current Obsession

2009-04-24T15:09:00.003+08:00

Don't worry, this is not another popularity related post.

I just have to say, I can't get over how hot this guy is.

I present to you, ladies (and gentlemen) Mr. Harper. Bob Harper. He's one of the trainers on America's The Biggest Loser.

I totally understand. I swoon too every single time he appears on the tv screen.

Can you believe that smile??? *deep sigh*

Everything Bob says (about losing weight and dieting and exercise), I believe.

Wouldn't you?